[newtus]

what do they do all day?

what do I do all day?

both off and on meds i spend my time still paranoid cutting out newspaper articles. thinking they talk about me in there. been cutting out newspaper articles for 3 years now. almost everyday very paranoid.

on meds i also spend time trying to find energy. im a coffee enthusiast and drink tons a day. and still dont get much energy. sometimes smoking cigarettes or ecigs seeking nicotine energy bursts.

i dont eat good. good amount right now. sometimes very little. ill post my recent food list i ate today august 30.



lately been sleeping more ever since out of the hospital and on depo injections of haldol. and on xanax. not much yet. but more sleeping im sure as my injection dose goes up this teusday. and then again in a month.

off meds i cannot work.
on meds i cannot work.
nor attend school to my ability.
not drive well.
and loads of other things.

i still have hygiene issues.
i still have cognitive issues.
last one worsedned on meds.
my dad drives me everywhere.

[newtus]

im on disability too.

[newtus]

thank you for reading.

[DePressMe]

newtus, I'm trying to get disability now. I can't drive either--my dad takes me everywhere too. My meds cause low energy and lack of motivation. I was diagnosed with a cognitive impairment--don't know if that is caused by my psychotic breaks or meds. Sometimes being sick just plain sucks. I hate not being able to do the things I want to do. I don't clip articles--I mainly have people after me. Now that I've been on my meds for awhile my paranoid thoughts and hallucinations are clearing up but I still have to deal with the side effects of my meds. Hang in there......D.

[newtus]

thank you for responding depressme.

i fear people are after me. i fear they talk about my in the papers and think im not supposed to notice? i fear going outside to even sit on the patio deck but i still try to. cause i need fresh air. i fear they are all around and im not supposed to notice? cameras everywhere and they want me to be blind to em.

something about meds they dont clear up my paranoia but just slightly.voices yea. but thats really it. all while making my cognitive dealings fuzzy.

[Atypical_Disaster]

I can relate to this so much. It's like reading about myself. I'm sorry you're dealing with this. I understand.

I often pay close close attention to the TV and music in case there are secret messages for me.

I got a message from satanists wanting me to kill people so that's when I carved a pentagram into my stomach so they wouldn't be able to control me.

[newtus]

Originally Posted by lalalabp

I often pay close close attention to the TV and music in case there are secret messages for me.

I got a message from satanists wanting me to kill people so that's when I carved a pentagram into my stomach so they wouldn't be able to control me.

i once thought michael jackson was sending me messages toutside my window. i thouht i heard him and his ghosts that "that man killed me" when the doctor was trial and i was trying to save him: michael jackson.

[MoodyZombie]

Yeah same...Sometimes I really suspect that some online news sites from my country are talking about me secretly/indirectly and there are also other paranoid beliefs like getting backstabbed by friends, always getting targeted and badmouthed by others...in which some of them are true for my case.

but i try not to think so much about that and focus on my life instead(not easy), because the more i try to find evidence to prove my suspicion, the worst i'll feel.

I got a message today.

NOTHING IS REAL THIS IS ALL IN MY HEAD.

I have so many eyes staring at me I counted 120 sets today and that's not including the trees there are so many trees I can't go outside.

All the mirrors are two way but I can't see to the other side they watch me through the mirrors.