[medicalfox]

After I mentioned that I have hallucinations a few weeks ago, it seems that this has consumed my therapist topic of discussion. I called her today to schedule my appointment for Tuesday and she kept questioning me about my hallucinations. She told me that she has told my pdoc about it and the nurses at the facility I go to; they are scheduling me to go on another anti psychotic and they are making a huge deal about this. I somewhat regret telling them I have hallucinations daily because I don't feel that it is a huge deal about it. Maybe because I'm so used to them that it doesn't seem like a big deal to me. I wish she would get off this topic and we could focus on something else. She think this is crippling me, but honestly I've been doing really well since I'm not manic anymore and I have been doing very well. I'm cleaning and cooking again, I'm cleaner and I'm happier. It sucks having auditory hallucinations, but they aren't terrorizing me at the moment so I feel pretty fine.

How can I get my therapist to relax about this situation or am I just not viewing this as importantly as I should be?

[newtus]

you might be putting it on the backburner a little bit to an extent. its not crippling you but its a part of your mental health thats not well. it could be a matter of time before its starts to cripple you. you dont know know. on the other hand maybe you could talk to to them about a seeing a low dose of what what they want to give you. as in taking a low dose. i mean if your doing well theres no big rush to get you on a new medication really.

[medicalfox]

That's true I didn't think of that. I'm so used to having hallucinations that I don't find it odd and I forget that they are abnormal for me to have them. I'm on an anti psychotic already (risperidone) and it was increased over a month ago. Most of my hallucinations and delusions that crippled me seem to have disappeared, but I have musical auditory hallucinations and a few other things. If I wasn't on an anti psychotic, I probably would have viewed it more seriously since it would be affecting me much more greatly.

[newtus]

Originally Posted by medicalfox

If I wasn't on an anti psychotic, I probably would have viewed it more seriously since it would be affecting me much more greatly.

exactly what i meant really. not so much that its a part of your mental health thats unwell but more so that it could be a matter of time before the voices/paranoia turn on you. but then again your on an antipsychotic thats helping take them away. so thats a big plus.

[medicalfox]

Yeah they want me to be on another anti psychotic in the winter for my bipolar, but I feel that it is too soon to go on one now. What should I tell my therapist though? I'm so confused since I have never openly talked about my hallucinations and I mentioned it now after talking with her for almost 2 years of seeing her.

[newtus]

you can try sitting her down (if your not already sitting lol) and saying that the med youre on now is helping you overall and the most important aspects of your mental health are being seen after with the current medications. you can also say if you want that current antipsychotic is helping with those voices you have now.

[medicalfox]

I tried telling her that, but she believes they should be all gone. She's so worried, I don't know how I'm going to tell my parents.

[Gr3tta]

I don't see any reason you have to tell your parents? That's your choice.

Inn therapy, I don't think there's anything wrong with directing things towards your own goals. That's healthy! You might say something along the lines of 'the hallucinations aren't really bothering me lately. Id rather focus on talking about ______ today. That would help me more.' See how that goes?

[faerie_moon_x]

I agree with Newtus and Gr3tta. You have the right to direct your health care, and should stand firm that it is not the issue you're struggling with and would rather focus on those topics that are really hard for you instead. If she continues to push you then I don't know if she's actually a good fit for you.

[medicalfox]

I feel that if I told my parents maybe they would be more helpful and sympathetic. All my life they treated me like crap until I got diagnosed with my disabilities. They treat me like a human being and now my mother helps me with things. She bought us a cooking set, gave us gifts cards for groceries, and other things. I'm guessing if I told her I had schizoaffective disorder (once I'm diagnosed with it, I haven't seen my pdoc yet) she may be more willing to help me with the cost for therapy and medications. I need help with them, but no one really wants to help me which is why I can't go to DBT and physical therapy for my leg.

[faerie_moon_x]

If you feel your parents are understanding then I see no reason to hide it.

I never told my dad because he's not understanding....

[ickydog2006]

My parents were a lot more okay with it than I ever thought they would be, although they acknowledged that they wouldn't have been understanding if I had tried to tell them when I was younger. I think I started opening up to them when they couldn't understand why I continued to go to therapy when I seemed just fine. They still get uncomfortable when I start to get to graphic, and they cautioned me about being too open with others. Also, what actually helped my dad the most was reading an article about Al-Anon and family member's of alcoholics. I know it sounds crazy, but it was comforting to him to realize all he could do was pray. It's not like he could control the hallucinations or really do anything about them, and he can pray that they don't come back, but worrying does nothing. He can support me by helping me get to treatment stuff, if/when I want the help, but other than that, he is powerless, and that's okay, he just needs to 'accept the things he cannot change, courage to change the things he can, and wisdom to know the difference'.

[ickydog2006]

My mom I don't think wants to hear about it at all overall because in some sense she still blames herself because she has mental issues and choose to have me, and possibly passed some of the things on to me.

[newtus]

Originally Posted by ickydog2006

My mom I don't think wants to hear about it at all overall because in some sense she still blames herself because she has mental issues and choose to have me, and possibly passed some of the things on to me.

this makes me sad to hear that.
really sad.
i feel for you.

when i did my 23andMe genetic dna kit. i saw both my bipolar and schizophrenia genes came from my mom. my mom doesnt have a diagnosed issue (i think) but its so apparent with her moods and character unfortunately.

[medicalfox]

I never did a genetic test, but I'm guess the ADHD and autism was from my mom's side. The schizoaffective and BPD would be from my dad's side since he displays some of these traits. The anxiety is from abuse and such, so I'm the only one with bad anxiety. I'm the odd ball in my family which makes things hard since no one understand it.

[faerie_moon_x]

Originally Posted by ickydog2006

My mom I don't think wants to hear about it at all overall because in some sense she still blames herself because she has mental issues and choose to have me, and possibly passed some of the things on to me.

Icky, . Maybe someday you will be able to talk with her and resolve her guilt. I think it's a sign she loves you to feel guilty about causing you hard times in that way.

as a mom I have considered this about my own kids. However, I feel that because I experienced what I went through I feel better equiped to be supportive of them if things happen to them. In ways no one was supportive to me. As much as they drive me crazy sometimes, my kids are actually a blessing to me because they force me to stay on track so I can take care of them properly. If I was on my own I know I have very little motivation to stay on track just for myself.

I never had a DNA test but I bet anything a bunch of it comes straight from my dad's side. That's the side with sz in it. Although I think a lot of the anxiety issues come from my mom.

[medicalfox]

Therapy went really well today! I brought my significant other so he helped us stay on the subject of borderline personality disorder. She told me to bring in a sheet of what I experience and show my pdoc my symptoms. My significant other is going to help me make the list