[lovely0ne]

Hello, all. I have had a certain problem for the last several years. It has been with me since I was in my mid twenties. I am posting it here because I have been diagnosed with Psychotic Depression.

This is going to be a triggering post for anyone with sensitive minds to violence, so know that before you read on.

If there is an issue with this post from an administrator, I am sorry, please let me know. I am guessing as to what the triggering icon is, because it does not load properly on the "Community Guidelines" link, so sorry.





I have what my doctor calls Hypnogogic Hallucinations. They are hallucinations that happen before I fall asleep. I don't know if I agree with her, because I know that they are fake and I don't actually "see" them. They are something I see in my mind. They are so graphic, though!!! The cause major fright! And yet in some way, I enjoy them!
I see bloody, jagged teeth in human mouths smiling at me. I see women with their backs whipped and bloody, I see human forms in rooms full of blood, from ceiling down to the blood-filled floors coming towards me with hair that just becomes the blood. I see my real life friends with smiling, bloody mouths full of sharp teeth. I see burned people just looking at me. And a lot more than that. I have also heard voices just saying my name that wake me up out of a half sleep.

I used to look at very violent, BLACK AND WHITE comics and anime, but nothing even comes close to the level of detail and realism that I see now. And I haven't looked at that stuff in years.

Has anyone else had experiences like this? Does anyone know what this is? If you have experienced it, does it ever stop? I don't remember any trauma in my life other than major childhood bullying, so I assume it might not be there.

Even if you just relate to this, I would love to hear from you. Thanks.

[medicalfox]

I have messed up hallucinations too. Mine are pretty gory and I'm afraid of so much now because of them. I won't mention mine since they're really bad and I think I'm being haunted by an angry spirit. I had this problem since I was 15 and risperdal helps a lot. I find that believing in something hopeful helps a lot too since fear increases the hallucination, well mine anyways.

I used to love horror movies when I was younger, but my life is one horror movie now so I don't watch them anymore.

[lovely0ne]

Originally Posted by medicalfox

I have messed up hallucinations too. Mine are pretty gory and I'm afraid of so much now because of them. I won't mention mine since they're really bad and I think I'm being haunted by an angry spirit. I had this problem since I was 15 and risperdal helps a lot. I find that believing in something hopeful helps a lot too since fear increases the hallucination, well mine anyways.

I used to love horror movies when I was younger, but my life is one horror movie now so I don't watch them anymore.

Medicalfox, I am so sorry. I'm not affected by mine as badly as it sounds like you are affected by yours. Mine are just annoying and frightening for a second.

I hope you find the hope you need.

[thepoetishere]

I've woke up the last couple days seeing large, large spiders. I have a lot of bad, paranoid thoughts...dont know what causes it though for me. I can relate.

I have a lot of really gory, violent scenes that get put into my head. Not necessarily just at night -- they often happen throughout the day. The medicine helps greatly... I got them the other day because my dosage needs to be titrated up. The images were in connection to the fact that an android put them into my head who wants me to kill myself & kept giving me suggestions. I have no desire to kill or harm myself, btw. They're just images. But they were preeeeetty brutal. They didn't disturb me greatly, but thinking about the images made the corresponding areas that were harmed tingle a bit. Physical discomfort.

I don't think horror movies or comic books have anything to do with it. A lot of people with no interest in those things could also have those thoughts...
And plain-as-day hallucinations are actually incredibly uncommon btw. Even a great deal of visual hallucinations in Schizophrenic patients aren't "seen" as clearly as you would see anything else in your house. So that doesn't mean it wasn't a hallucination... And knowing it's fake doesn't make it any less of a psychotic symptom. You just didn't lose insight for the event(s). I typically don't either.

[likewater]

When I was nine and my dad died or was dying and then I was being horribly abused, I started seeing bloody images and skulls and such when I closed my eyes at night. Those are really scary. Then I saw a skeleton like thing on the door to the closet once at my Grandma's upon waking and I thought it was real and it really scared me. I think my life was really horrifying at the time and that was in my mind and sometimes I still see things like that, but I know it's not real anymore. I also see myself cutting my wrists and know it's a suggestion-things like that but I know that I don't have to do it. I usually call somebody or write on here if I can or read scripture or do something on my list on fridge of "things to take care of myself" to feel better. Oh, hugging my dog or petting my kitties helps too. I'm sorry you have such scary images. You don't deserve that. May angels surround you.

[the abyss]

i see hell below my feet always have, i see them clawing at my legs feel them grabbing my shoes etc.....to me it is real i am seeing into another reality.
it does not bother me ,i find it fascinating .oh yes i see it all day long .
take care