[VanGore28]

I am schizoaffective and to cut a long story short I have had two major psychotic breakdowns.
In the first I rollerbladed through my work - a supermarket - with blood all over my knees and elbows. I trashed a neighbours house with a golf club while speaking to myself and I walked to the next town and had some notion that I was in fact a messiah so I guess I had inherited my dads inferiority complex after all.
Now I swore I would never let it happen again. But. I was under a lot of stress and I cut down my meds off my own back so I could have more energy (tap into the mania) but of course it crept up on me, and I had a full blown second psychotic breakdown. My auntie took me to hospital and I felt as if someone at stuck an axe in my head and a drill was boring into my stomach, it was pretty excruciating. I was sent straight to a room in the ward. I lay in bed and came to then I started speaking to the furniture and...my socks....I remember what I was saying but there is no logical reason. And I was laughing, couldn't stop laughing. I was saying I am having A Sock moment...mr s...you sissy...things that began with s then I talked to the cabinet....ripped up my menu and thought I was performing magic...maybe one day I will cure cancer...the mind spins ....weaving non-sensical utterations...
A nurse came in and said "make yourself comfortable because I don't think you will ever get out of here."

[greentires4me]

Sounds a lot like my dream world, except it's true!

[SkitsDoubt]

So, the nurse was wrong, I presume (and HOPE). Did you laugh at the nurse's comment at the time?

They say you're in a very good place when you can finally learn to laugh at yourself. Be well!



********************************************************************
~My train of thought derailed. There were no survivors.

~At the end of the day, Life should ask us "Are you sure you want to save the changes?"

[VanGore28]

Yes of course i got home but i was t in ward for three months.

[12AM]

That nurse was very rude. I'd tell her "Well, that makes the two of us".

[SkitsDoubt]

Originally Posted by VanGore28

Yes of course i got home but i was t in ward for three months.

SO HAPPY you made it home. I can relate after spending well over a month in the psych hospital. 99.9% of what happens there is tragic, in my experience. When I read a post here by someone who is presently IP, it hurts my heart. I had a relative who lived and died in the psych hospital.

So, as difficult as it gets, I remain ever-so-thankful I'm in my own home.

[QUOTE=12AM;5667108]That nurse was very rude. I'd tell her "Well, that makes two of us"

Yes and everyone thinks it is changed days. Your dignity is stripped down to bare bones in the psyche wards. Its them and us. I was treated like a dreg on society. I questioned everything I had achieved and if everyone who was ever a friend to me was simply just an illusion. Above it all I felt alone. After I had my nervous breakdown at 18, I felt like I was watching life behind a glass partition - autism in a way. Please, I am not insulting the condition, I swear but I felt like a wall flower, just an observer. I no longer felt part of life and its natural journey. That pink elephant in the room, was unbearable.
Unlike autistic people I always found life dull and monotonous. I chased highs and deeper meanings. I wanted to feel MORE and not less. And there is the difference - that emptyness