[Yismymindblank12]

Ok, this is the first time I'm mentioning this, I have been told by every single kind of mental health professional. All don't know what I have they always put me under something new on my behavior, but I have psychosis (NOS) always, because I have a very difficult time always talking bout it.
They assume I talk in circles, but it makes more sense than how I describe it in detail. I get scared talking bout it, because it makes a lot of sense and too much even professionals think it's my high iq, but also that I'm hypersensitive, I've proven to non religious superstitious science people and medical neuro doctors with out knowing convinced them I'm psychic in a very different way. I hate talking bout it, because it's very painful. My life is so empty, not how I feel bout myself or what's going on, my stress is the constant flow of visions and realizations that have been right, but I'm scared talking bout it, because I don't believe people will believe me.
I know way too much bout things and the only reason I'm telling my current therapist slowly at a time because it would take years for someone to understand anything what I go through on a basic level.
My life is never made sense in that I've had my daily life since I was born disrrupted by a cloud of not knowing what's going on in front of me every day and it's still like that. I've been very depressed so to cope I like to pretend and make up stories and fantasies as a child does to escape the harsh reality that my visions tell me. I hope I'm wrong, but so far what I've seen in my personal life and other people's lives have came true all of it with such accurate precision on minute details in full spectrum and I want to talk bout it more, but I don't know if anyone can follow me. It's bothered me a lot all my life and it's why I like to talk to myself, because I find it comforting of inanimate objects tell me things at times.
What baffles all those professionals from psych to medical, I'm aware of everything and extroverted and highly sociable and not socially impaired whatsoever. I've gotten close friends who have schizophrenia and schizoaffective and other psychosis related things, but I can't relate to them or anyother person suffering from any mental illness. It's kinda sad even on here. Not one person on these forums doesn't go through or understand the magnitude of being trapped in your own life, as in my life didn't belong to me, I was born to convey messages that people couldn't grasp beforehand, because I didn't choose to do it. It chose me and with that I sacrifice my sanity for it internally.

Thanks for reading I hope this makes any sense

[Sometimes psychotic]

While I can't say I'm particularly sociable my psychosis actually increased my desire to socialize...so I was different as well. I also kept my abiliy to work etc...never got a sz dx...ended up with a full recovery. The way to see this is as a very special case the normal rules about recovery etc might not apply to you...ie you might get back control over your life at some point but you might have to build your own path to recovery.

One more thing I think everyone can relate to being trapped in their own life...nobody here chose to be sick and often it was/is painful and costly...