[sduck]

Please bare me with, I have a lot to share.

I grew up in a very hostile environment in which people fought a lot and you always had to 'prove' yourself. Growing up, I went with the flow of the environment for the most part, but in middle school I slowly began to stop caring, and wanted to change my way of thinking, in which I no longer believed in violence and fitting in. But didn't know how to socially express my views to my peers. In the 8th grade, I suddenly developed extreme anxiety around people and my friends, not sure if I could call it paranoia, but I was always on 'the edge', and the result was me becoming a 'pansy' in the environment, that lead to me being bullied. At that time I didn't care much, but by high school it began to tear me apart, and that's when I slowly became severely depressed and completely socially inept. It was to the point where I barely had any friends, in fact had no 'real' friends, and my closest friends I grew up with, turned against me, called me 'lame' and whatnot. I was taken to the hospital because of suicide attempts, and the doctors couldn't figure out what was truthfully wrong with me, they thought I was very smart, and had an extraordinary way of thinking for my age (was 14-15 at the time). The year was around 2007-2008 in which they diagnosed me a paranoid schizophrenic, due to this sudden depression that induced suicide attempts, emotional flattening, poor performance in school, loss of social contact, and apparent delusions (such like strong belief in aliens, and thinking the world would end). As I was diagnosed, I was put on anti-depressants and a anti-psychotic (Risperdal). I felt like I was being subdued and labeled. So I refused treatment and socially isolated myself ever since. I did not tell the doctors the full story to why I became depressed, because I felt too ashamed.

Throughout the years I still functioned, but spent most of my time in my room, isolated from the world, and spending time on the internet. I've struggled with concentration, sitting still, energy, and being around people. I did not experience any hallucinations until suddenly in 2011, which quickly went away the following year when we found a doctor that prescribed me Risperdal and Haldol, on and off, not taken together. I always questioned if I was truly schizophrenic, because I felt like I didn't connect to other cases of schizophrenia that I've researched. I began to feel I had severe ADHD, due to problems sitting still and whatnot. I've had problems with concentration my entire life as well. My doctor prescribed me Vyvanse, and I was on and off with that and Concerta. They helped a lot for the most part, but I still struggled with energy, concentration, and connecting with people. And that made me question if I was truly ADHD either. As much research as I did, having Schizophrenia and ADHD together doesn't make sense, because Schizophrenia is caused by excessive amounts of dopamine, while ADHD is caused by too little amounts. I've talked to numerous doctors about my case, and none of them currently believed I had schizophrenia, and that ADHD made more sense. But why did I not feel fixed? I researched more and more on the internet, and randomly discovered a 'personality disorder' as they classify, called Low Latent Inhibition. In which the symptoms of this disorder are very similar to both ADHD and Schizophrenia and that people with LLI are likely to lead to mental illness (which can explain the hallucinations). But I couldn't put my finger on it.
Sometime earlier this current year, I was prescribed Abilify; I did not feel it working at all for me, despite all the good things I've heard about it, so one day I took some Haldol I had left over from years ago, wasn't aware that it was expired when taking it, took too much, and suddenly felt like my brain re-wired and shutdown (don't know how else to explain it). The next day I began experiencing extreme auditory, tactile, and visual hallucinations like I've never experienced before. I freaked out and took the rest of my abilify (five pills exactly, 15mg each) and risperdal I had left over (two pills, 3mg each), fell asleep, and woke up feeling re-birthed. The hallucinations were gone, my depression was erased, my emotions were back, I had no anxiety, wasn't nervous around people, had energy that lasted the entire day, could concentrate, think clearly, had enhanced vision (literally), and felt my perception was altogether enhanced. I felt like a 'normal' functioning person. It only lasted a couple of days, because I was ran out of the medicine. Following my doctor visit, I told him what had happened, and he put me on both the abilify and risperdal, along with the current medications I am taking (strattera, concerta, and cymbalta). Prior to this event, I researched that Abilify, Risperdal, and Haldol induce latent inhibition. And that's when I felt like I knew my case was Low Latent Inhibition. Taking both abilify and risperdal, I feel better, but not perfect like that day, I think I'm missing a piece to the puzzle (haldol).

I wanted to share my story, because I've struggled for years knowing something is wrong with me, but nothing was working. And I think I finally figured it out. Once I can convince my doctor about my case, hopefully things will work out better for me.

[Travelinglady]

I hope you can get a doctor to work with you.