[willingwell]

Im not sure what is exactly going on in mind at this point in time. i am 18 years old about to be 19 and i keep thinking that everything going on in it is part of me growing up and figuring out who i am becoming. Now that would all be well and good until i started getting these paranoid scary thoughts and feelings. I am in college currently and far away from my home, i dont have too many friends and my social skills seemed to have severely declined. I used to be really outgoing and funny and talkative and always had something to say. and most importantly i felt good about things. Then things started changing, paranoia about people just took over my life. When ppl are talking around me i can pretty much take any sentance out of the conversation and apply it to myself, but in a negative way. Like all these people know my every secret and they are talking about it. Now when i take the time out to think about what they actually said i can see that it doesnt neccesarily have to be applied to me but when i hear it i feel the underlying tone is about me. Its affecting my relationships with ppl because i react back in a negative way as to not be called out by these people who really dont know who i am...then people think im the asshole. These feelings are driving me crazy. my thoughts run a hundred miles a minute and i find it hard to concentrate on anything especially school. im too concerned with whats in my head and not whats in reality. I honestly feel like my head is just a black hole of thoughts and anything else i can think of. but i want to come back to reality and see it the way i used to. Im not saying i see the world for what it is because well i hope that isnt true. i see the beauty of life and all that i do but only when im alone do i truly feel that way about things. im sorry this is so long but this is the most ive said about this to anyone ever...i just dont know what to do anymore cuz ive thought about like killing myself a couple times. I dont believe in suicide and im not sure i would but the thoughts crossed my mind and instead of finding reasons not to i found myself listing reasons on why it would be better for me. I wish i wasnt so concerned with others and how they perceive me or whatever it is. i just want to live my life and not have these thoughts controlling me.

any advice or anything you can get from my post would be greatly appreciated.

[pachyderm]

(((((willingwell)))))

[spiritual_emergency]

Hello willingwell,
Before I say much of anything let me add a modest disclaimer: I tend to orient myself more along the psychological model as opposed to the neurochemical model. As a result, I might say some things that other people wouldn't. It becomes your task to sort through whatever we might say and draw from it that which you find most helpful. For the record, I am an individual who has experienced psychosis and I also have two children who have had similar experiences.

i am 18 years old about to be 19... I am in college currently and far away from my home...

So, you've come out of high-school, moved far away from home and are enrolled in college as a preparation for your future adult life. What you are describing is a transition state wherein you have left your known environment and way of life and entered a new environment and way of life. As a result, your sense of self-identity is being challenged -- you can no longer be who you were and instead, must find a new "you" to be. This can become a challenge to the ego (your sense of self-identity) and if the ego is sufficiently challenged, it may collapse, thereby producing psychosis. It's been my observation that people are more prone to psychosis during transitory states; they become more vulnerable to external stressors because their ego identities are already in a state of flux.

It has also been my observation that these sorts of episodes typically begin with negative emotions -- fear, anxiety, terror, paranoia. This seems to be the ego's way of telling us that it's "under attack". Imagery pertaining to government forces monitoring your environment, aliens putting thoughts in your head, the feeling that others can read your mind, shadowy forces, as well as the desire to retreat and withdraw from the larger world as a form of protection -- all these "symptoms" seem to belong to this stage of ego/self-identity breakdown.

As a result of all this fear and anxiety, your body starts pumping stress hormones -- adrenaline, cortisol, etc. I have long suspected that these stress hormones contribute to the experience of psychosis and if you google it, you're going to find some correlation there. Therefore, one of the logical approaches is to bring down the stress levels. There's different ways you might be able to do this. For example, if this is a psychological response and you can understand it as such, that might bring some measure of relief. It also might be a good idea to reduce as many stressors as you can, such as your course load, work demands, or financial burdens. You will also benefit from being in an environment where you can feel cared for and supported -- friends and family are good to have around you. Short term use of anti-anxiety agents or possibly, anti-depressants may also bring some relief. In addition, physical exercise (i.e. running) or spiritual practices (i.e. meditation) might also be beneficial.

In addition, I suggest you also do the following.

- Invest some time in exploring mental health support services in your current community. Most colleges have onsite mental health staff. If you're not comfortable making use of them, you could extend your explorations into the local community: clinics, helplines, hospitals, therapists. A helpline in particular might be good because they can make suggestions and recommendations for resources in your area you might not be aware of. Often, your call is anonymous.

- If you feel some form of medication would be helpful, make arrangements to see a doctor so you can get a prescription.

- Investigate mental health laws in your area as a precautionary note. It could be you're simply feeling anxious, out of your element, and this will soon pass. However, if the situation escalates to the extent that you require emergency medical care you will find the process far less frightening if you know ahead of time what to expect. Should hospitalization become necessary you will likely retain more personal control and power if you enter the hospital voluntarily as opposed to under a forced treatment order. Remember, as much as possible, you want to keep your stress at minimal levels.

- If you are out of state/province you should also investigate mental health laws in that area -- they may differ dramatically according to region.

- Be alert to signs of clear danger. If you are seriously considering harming yourself or someone else, that's an indication you require immediate help. Jot down emergency numbers for your area and put them next to the phone so they'll be easily accessible if you need them.

- If you are engaging in any form of recreational drug use, stop -- it can dramatically inflate symptoms. I don't wish to make assumptions but it's not unusual among people in your age group.

- Consider withdrawing from college for a period of time and going home. This may be especially practical if you are out of state. If the situation does escalate, you'll fare far better in an environment where you'll have the immediate support of friends and family. In addition, the financial burdens on them will be less if they're not having to travel to see you.

- Assuming your relationship with your parents is good, call them and let them know what's going on. Most parents love their children and want to be able to help them if they're going through a crisis period. As noted, this may pass but if it doesn't, everyone will feel that much more prepared if they're aware ahead of time that you're going through some difficulties right now.

- Resist the urge to demonstrate your maturity by trying to handle this on your own. Everyone needs help from time to time and the mature response is to accept that you're as human as everyone else.

Give some thought to the above, consider what will be most helpful to you and make use of it.

Also, feel free to post more and share more of your concerns. I'm sure you'll find other people here who can understand.

Best of luck to you.

~ Namaste

See also: How to Produce an Acute Schizophrenic Break

.

[daggy]

Hi willingwell
It seems that if you follow Spiritual Emergency ` totally awesome advice or find parts of it useful you will be on the right track .
Everyone comes to your point in life 18-19 and suddenly the whole world seems to be coming down on them. It is just the same when you go into puberty at about 11-12 or there abouts it is daunting but we get through it only this time at 19 we are thrust into the adult world. If you take your time and dont get that caught up in what everyone expects you to do or what you think they think you should do you will be ok
I just have the life experience to have guided me through it all so take Spiritual Emergency advice but I found that every bit of help helps
for the future ok