[Loial]

So, I slept like 3 hours last night then just dozed for another 5. I guess I probably did microsleep a bit in that 5 hours but it felt like I never got back to sleep.

Then this morning, I was outside having a cigarette, came in & heard my Dad shouting something like "doesn't want to support himself". I just closed down, sat on the couch ruminating over thoughts that my Dad doesn't think or know I am ill. I will cut a long story short & just say I was having thoughts of hitting my Dad, so I went to talk to my Mum.

She said he did say something along those lines but he is just frustrated because he doesn't really understand the illness because it doesn't manifest outwardly very much. I also told my Mum about my suspicions that neither of them thought I was ill & thought hat I was using drugs every night, which was causing it. She said that was of course not the case & she wasn't thinking that.

They've gone to a solicitors to hand over keys for a flat they sold but I can't stop thinking that they are checking to see if they have any sort of legal responsibility over me despite the fact I'm over 18 so they can just throw me out the house & cut me off.

I'm feeling very agitated still despite my Mum allaying my suspicions. I've got that thing where everything seems very bright at the moment & I'm looking around as if expecting to see something move.

I need to calm myself down somehow but I'm not sure how... I almost felt like I was going to break earlier. I'm alone in the house now for a couple of hours, which always seems to make things worse.

[insilence]

i know how you feel. my parents always change the subject when i try to explain what its like. my freinds think im like the shamans and hear the mysterious. I treat it as an invasive technology and it works for me. have you tried asking your dad to let you explain to him what exactly you suffer? that helped me a bit.

[Loial]

My Mum is fine but says it is still hard for her to understand fully. That's ok but she says she tries to explain things like my apathy or poverty of speech to my Dad & he just doesn't get it.

I think my Dad had a hard time with my Grandma who had Alzheimer's & also had a nervous breakdown himself with trouble over her estate. I think he just doesn't cope well with these things & sort of blocks them out a bit. That & if it is something he hasn't experienced... he doesn't understand it. I don't think it'd be a good idea for me to try to talk about with him... just have to leave it to my Mum at her discretion.

Venting is helping a little because it's distracting me from my voices etc. Hope that's enough.

[insilence]

Originally Posted by Lawscot

Venting is helping a little because it's distracting me from my voices etc. Hope that's enough.

have you read my techniques to quieting voices? I can PM you with advice iff youd like

[Loial]

No, I can't say I've come across anything you've mentioned like that... but yeah I'd like to hear it.