[tisired]

Hello,
I have some odd thoughts that are becoming more and more bothersome. I don't know too much about schizophrenia or any related illnesses, but I worry that I'm experiencing some kind of psychosis.
I frequently feel that there is some force watching me. Sometimes I see it as a black form in my peripheral vision, but it is normally just behind or above me. I feel that I can't share this with anyone because that would make it mad at me, but at the same time I feel that any stranger around me and even people I know personally are somehow in league with it. I worry that it has something sinister planned for me. For now it's just trying to freak me out, but I think eventually it'll make me commit suicide. This has been going on for at least three years, but the frequency of these sensations and my anxiety about them has gotten worse.
Three months ago I heard a voice from inside my head. It was an isolated incident, but it was very powerful. I was opening my closet door and a male voice roared at me. It drowned out everything else around me. I couldn't even see when it yelled at me.
This morning I woke up facing my desk chair. There was a man right there, clear as day. I freaked out, blinked, and he was gone. It couldn't have been more than a couple seconds that I saw him.
I often feel uncertain about what is real. When I think about things that happened as recently as just a moment ago, I am uncertain if it was real or a dream. That is a constant feeling. With less frequency I feel that way in the present. I think I am in a dream of mine or of someone else. When I feel this way I can become giddy and dizzy or quiet and withdrawn. I physically feel lighter too. This can last for several hours and is normally gone by the time I wake up the next morning.
I should add that I know how ridiculous this all is. I know there's no one watching me and that no one yelled at me and there was no one else in my dorm this morning. The one that is harder to overcome is the trouble with knowing what's real.

Since this is a form for people with schizophrenia, I hoping you can give me some insight. The increasing frequency and severity of these episodes is concerning me. I do have a counselor that I have seen for over a year to help me manage my stress. My next appointment I April 6th, but I am a bit embarrassed to mention this to her. I want to make sure I'm not making a mountain out of a molehill. Please let me know what you think.
Thank you.

It seems that you're having delusions of persecution. This is caused by an imbalance in neurotransmission. There are medications that can control these delusions, but you need to see a psychiatrist (not therapist). I've had these delusions, and medication has helped me live a normal life, so don't lose hope.

I hope this helps.

[tisired]

Thank you kindness. I know I ought to speak to someone about this, but I'm coming up with any excuse to not. I don't want to go to a psychiatrist to hear that I'm just being silly, but I also don't want to hear that there's something wrong.

[tisired]

Thank you. I guess I really should see someone. I just don't want to go in to hear them say that I'm being silly and I don't want to hear that there's something wrong either.

[ofthevalley]

Definitely don't be embarrassed to share with your therapist. He/she can help you find the help you need.

[ickydog2006]

I agree with kindness. Because you have insight or a knowledge that these things logically aren't real, but they still feel real, and you have the issues with anxiety, and I'm guessing depression, even if you feel the depression is likely caused by the situation your in, I would guess they will diagnose as schizoaffective. Not that there is much of a difference. Definitely need to see psychiatrist, not just therapist, but your therapist should know where/who to recommend. I see my therapist once a week, and psychiatrist once at least every three months. My life is relatively normal and I've been free of hallucinations and delusions for over a year thanks to meds. It does take quite a bit of trial and error to get the right med combo, but it has been so worth it for me. It does require being incredibly open with your drs, but it is possible to move on and live a very fulfilling life.

[tisired]

Thank you. I guess I just need to get the courage to say something.

[Katieissweet]

It's just a negative entity harassing you it will go away with shamanic clearing or meds occasionally.