First a preface: I am a paranoid schizophrenic with delusions. For me, I had no delusions of grandeur. Instead, I imagined I was the worst sort of person. If anybody knows Carl Gustav Jung then you know that, for him, part of the self is your shadow element. Everyone has one. Just like you have a front you have a back, just like you all have a shadow element. Shadow (psychology) - Wikipedia, the free encyclopediaYour shadow is the darkest part of yourself, that you try to repress, deny, and hide from. It's the worst you in.

Imagine a maze of mirrors. Upon entering, you see images of your shadow side doing many bad things. At first it makes you uncomfortable but as time goes on your Shadow grows and becomes darker. He becomes less repressed, less hidden, more haunting. Everywhere you turn there he is. Each mirror represents a pedestrian. It could be anybody, a person at the mall or someone in a school hall. The point of the matter is is that the mirrors are everywhere and they see and reflect your shadow-- they see the worst parts of you. As your trying to find your way out of this maze you make a left turn and then at the end of the hall is a black mirror with no reflection. You get closer to it and you then see its grin and eyes with ice in them. You're face to face with your greatest shadow, something you've repressed, denied, and hidden from since you were a teenager, however you've fed him daily which is why he has grown so strong. No longer repressed, you feel the full impact of his strength and now that everyone knows there is no denying or hiding from it. At first I wanted to kill myself. I felt so ugly, so disgusting. Finally, after months I looked back into the abyss, which was staring back at me and accepted it, and changed by stop feeding it. However, the guilt and shame continued. It was as if I was in a jail cell with the door wide open, but the guilt and shame chained me down and wouldn't let me leave. I couldn't let the past be past.

That's what my year long psychosis was like.

[Door2015]

While it's impossible to be in someone's shoes, entirely. You explained what you went through very clearly. I think that even persons with, sanity(?) can understand how that feels. I thank you very much for writing that out. Many people, not particularly sane or insane, but just people, will benefit from hearing your words.