Roll Call 48

winter storm here this morning. sleeting. ice. black ice. rain. pellets.
my dads thinking of staying home from work its so bad.

my sister is in south texas and its like 80 there.

Good morning everyone..

I told one of the nurses about how some nurses are refusing my prns and some aren't. Like if one doesn't give me my Ativan, I just ask another. Not how it should be. I'll complain to my psychiatrist about that.

I take 0.5mg Klonopin 3x a day and refused my last one of the day because it's a dinner med. I said if I can save it for bed time and they said I can't do that. They're stupid.

Why am I even dealing with benzos again??

Damn it...

That sounds really bad I would stay home if I were your dad because you guys just don't have the infrastructure to deal with that---I mean unsalted even the best northern drivers can't handle that stuff.

last night went better than the other nights. i read my letters and took a prn. i have to work today 2 to 7. i bet they will ask me to stay til 8. it might be busy. i feel anxiety right now. i need to do my taxes. and my homework. i hope work goes ok. sometimes i wish i was toby

the only thing is he risks losing his job...

Can he pretend cough well? I mean assuming he gets leave for being sick? I don't normally lie but when it comes to risking my life I'll lie...

ugh hes going to work...

he actually is sick too. but he doesnt miss work for anything. ugh

the weather is so bad here its trending on twitter...

ok now i know its gonna be busy bc it's supposed to snow tomorrow morning. ugggg go away winter!!!

PREACH IT. I'm so over winter it's not even funny.

Some people are getting desperate----

ridiculous. im posting that to facebook...

Feeling depressed and suicidal and didn't tell it to my psychiatrist while almost crying in session.

I give up.

All that we talked about was how ... Whatever ... How the nurses wouldn't give me prns so I'm stopping my meds...

omggg i dont wanna go to work at ALL!!!

its ok junkdna its only 5 or 6 hours then u have 2 days off again. u can do it!!!!!! youve been thru way worse things. its gonna be ok.

ok now that i have pep talked myself im gonna put my stupid uniform on and go.

Update: My commute is 35 minutes. Yeah I'm keeping my old ****** job. The commute is nice. I get to listen to a lecture twice a day now! That's pretty cool. The only issue is that my mom smokes while watching ****** tv shows and talk shows. It wouldn't be so bad if my bedroom wasn't next to tv. My cat adjusted though.

my neighbors quit smoking in the past year so they vape and watch jerry springer/maury and court shows all day. they are very nice people tho. in their early-mid 60s.

your cats a trooper Ody. my cat wouldnt have that. shes high maintenance. she would cry all day everyday until she got what she wanted.

ever since ive been going back to school everyone around me except for my family (which is fine) (not including my stepdad) has been giving me their opinions about what i should goto school for and crap. um...
my aunt told me i should get a degree in something that will pay well before i get a degree in something im passionate for. she lives in CA so she gave me this lecture about the technology field there. not sure how she found out i liked technology but i do. i threw out examples about passion vs money like getting a job as a musician or an actor or a history professor. which made it worse because now she thinks im thinking about getting a job in all of those. and im not...

same thing happened when i went to the museum with my stepdads friend yesterday.

same thing kinda happened when ive been talking to my stepdad the past few weeks about school but he didnt push any of that stuff. but i know he doesnt think highly of me. so IDGAF.

I contemplated suicide and decided to act as happy as I could get an made another appointment.

They increased the Abilify to 15mg and will take away the benzos and then increase the concerta or switch to ritalin 30mg 3x a day

honestly this is BS

i just want to remind everyone that the only reason i said i was going back to school again was because i wanted something to do with my time. remember? i may not even pass my basics. i mean im trying hard yes and im giving my all yes. very much so. very much so. but this started all because i needed something to ground me and take my mind off psychosis a bit and now im getting bombarded by people and s**T. i hate this.

like yes im looking forward to a probable bachelors degree or at least an associates but im taking it at half speed. you know online. just yea.

I'm sorry you're feeling suicidal---it might just be all the med changes that have been going on, hang in there....

I hate that too I was so stressed like when I was applying to grad school but everyone wanted to know what my top choices were and I didn't want to say in case I didn't get in-----I don't think people realize how much extra stress they cause.

Ya the med changes have been giving me a lot of the ups and downs lately. My new med signature makes more sense now it just takes time.

********TRIGGER*********

?Laser cat? high school senior commits suicide



The New York high school senior whose '80s-style laser portrait with his cat became an Internet phenomenon has died of an apparent suicide.

That sucks, may he RIPWLAC (rest in piece with lasers and cats)