[IzzyMarie]

I was recently diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder with Psychotic Features. I literally thought I had early on-set schizophrenia before I got this diagnosis. I have trouble dealing with the delusions I have -- voices and hallucinations aren't nearly as common; those are scary =/. I mostly deal with delusions of someone trying to kill me (family members) or someone destroying my life from the outside and purposely making it difficult. When my episode is over I'm really angry and embarrassed at myself. I'm on medication right now, risperdal, but I would rather not be on it. Do I have any other options, besides medications, to rid myself of these episodes?

[insilence]

dont let your doc mix risperdal with any other AP, i took it with latuda and it practicly broke my neck. im on clozapine which i dont feel any better about, but it was way more effective than risperdal.

I would encourage you, if you haven't already, to look into therapy for both the depression and the psychotic symptoms. IMO to cope successfully off meds, a person needs to build up their distress tolerance, self soothing and reality checking skills.

As someone who is psychologically minded and believes that symptoms can often reflect our past or unconscious, I would be interested in exploring your relationship with your family to see why you believe they are wanting to kill you. If you are interested in that approach, I would recommend reading Romme & Escher's Living with Voices book for examples of others who used this approach.

However I realise that doesn't appeal to everyone, and may not feel relevant at all if your symptoms don't seem related to your past experiences, so there are also more practical therapies such as CBT (which may be available specifically for psychosis, though I know it's not that widespread in the US) and goal based therapies, which can help you develop practical skills to cope with distressing symptoms and life experiences.

Then once you have worked on those skills and are stable, you can work with your pdoc to try to taper off your medication. It is a long process and I understand many people get frustrated by that fact, but you have to remember, if your goal is truly to manage without meds, that it's not about getting off meds tomorrow (for example), but to REMAIN off meds long term.

It doesn't work for everyone though because everyone has different symptoms and tolerances, so you'd also need to know what your limit is i.e. how/when you would know to pause the taper or reintroduce meds. That's why it's important to do this with your pdoc who can monitor you, and IRL support too, as we sometimes lack insight into how things really are for us.

All the best

*Willow*

[ickydog2006]

3 years ago I set a goal with my therapist to be able to function and live a relatively normal life without meds. Recently we talked about it again and my goal has significantly changed, now it's to stay out of the psychward and function at the best level I can. For that I need to be on meds. Off meds I can survive, barely, and constantly walking the line of should be hospitalized. I wasn't able to really live, I was able to survive and decently function most days, but it didn't feel like living. I'm not saying this is true for everyone, and my therapist supported and supports me now in whichever goal I choose. Meds suck, but for me I'd rather be living life to the fullest with meds, versus walking the rope and struggling to survive outside of the hospital without them. That choice still gets me down sometimes, but the alternative is lousy too.

[IzzyMarie]

@insilence
Thank you for the heads up. I'm new to these things as I've always refused medication before, but as ickydog2006 mentioned "I'd rather be living life to the fullest with meds" even though I don't really want them.

@WeepingWillow23
Thanks. I think that's actually a really good suggestion and I'm going to get that book, Romme & Escher's Living with Voices. I haven't talked to my psychologist or therapist about the medications, but I will next time I see them and let them know my concerns.

@ickydog2006
I'm sorry to hear you've been through so much. I too wish I could live a life without meds, but I guess if that's even possible it's a long way off. Thanks for sharing.