[TBowes22]

I am diagnosed with schizophrenia, manic bipolar depression, adhd. I have racing thoughts very bad and my mood fluctuates from sad to mad the happy frequently on a daily basis. I've been born this way but developed the schizophrenia. I did drugs from when I was 15 up until about 3 months ago when the weird voices have occurred. When I first began doing drugs about 6 months into it I started getting very depressed and suicidal for about another 6 months or so. I couldn't help to see myself as worthless and my future was going to be nothing but hardships and struggles. I couldn't ever focus on anything in school and my curiosity about drugs and hanging around with the bad crown got the best of me. One night I snuck out of my dads house to go hangout with some friends mostly because of peer pressure and my own stupid decisions. We drank a little bit I bought some pills from him and we smoked some marijuana. I started throwing up because I was so dizzy from all of the mind altering substances. I then got drove back to my house around 4 in the morning and snuck back in to go to sleep. I had school that day and my step mom tried waking me up but I just couldn't get up because I felt completely out of it and still feeling the effects from 4 or 5 hours ago and depressed and suicidal thoughts still roaming inside my head on a nightly basis at the time. She then started getting frustrated because I wouldn't get up so she poored a jug of water over my head and it made me very manic. I was looking for something

Possible trigger:

to end myself

but instead

Possible trigger:

o.d'ed

Long story short I went to the hospital after that to get them sucked out of me then to a mental hospital after that. I've been living my life for the past 8 years up until 3 months ago just doing drugs, in and out of mental hospitals, jails, rehab, hospital visits for overdoses. 2 years ago on December 23rd fully ingested 72 pills out of a manic depressive state of mind and was in ICU and coma for 7 days. Woke up with no brain damage or organ damage whatsoever and went on about my life suffering some more. It feels as if I've lived for about 40 years but I'm only 23. This is just a little introduction but the main concern I have been dealing with is manic bipolar and schizophrenia.

I've been hearing these voices for about 3 months now telling me all sorts of random and weird things. Supposedly what I have some what concluded is that I have an artificial neuron inside my brain that is trying to help me with my daily life struggles. A doctor has put it in the when I was in a coma in the hospital. I constantly taking real life "tests" for this artificial neuron inside my head. Supposedly when I pass all of these tests I can have a job in the hospital I was in without going to school because I am a "genius". Although intelligence does run on my dads side, I still don't see how this is possible. I am told that without going to college I could train to be anything from a surgeon to a physicians assistant to a medical laboratory scientist in the hospital. The voices are so encouraging about 90% of the time but they still don't understand me. They send electrical impulses to make me feel the effects of dopamine and all of the drugs I've done in the past. The electrical impulses have even helped me quit smoking? That was the main thing I'd say that has kind of got me mind boggled is how can I feel the effects of these drugs inside my body and stop smoking out of nowhere? One day I stayed up for 36 hours straight on "meth" from these electrical impulses because I was told that they use it in this hospital I am going to get a job in. I hear a womans voice repeating back to a doctor everything I am visualizing and thinking inside my brain, and I would assume the doctor is a neuro scientist. They keep telling me that I have a job waiting for me as soon as I can control my thoughts. I just started college in june for summer courses and now I can't focus on it at all because of all of this disruption. It has made all of my symptoms a lot worse than they were before. But at the same time I can't help to believe them because it sounds so believable to a certain extent. I am a polymath and all my life I have not a clue what I want to do but for some reason I have the ability to excel at everything I do so everything I think of something for instance I think in my head,"I want to be a surgeon, I want to be a doctors assistant, I want to be a physicians assistant," it's like the woman keeps repeating it saying now he wants to be a blah blah blah or whatever. There's this girl at the hospital that has for some reason caught my attention and in a weird way I feel like I am in love with her for some reason and I don't even know her and the doctor and the woman in my head call her carla because "it is easier to hear" but if i can remember her name is really arianna or something like that. The whole time I am writing this I get the feeling I am being graded or judged by them because they can hear everything I am thinking so I get embarrassed. There's so much more to this but I guess I am just in search of somebody that might have identical symptoms as I do. By the way If I submit this I feel at jeopardy of losing this opportunity to get this "career".

[healingme4me]

Originally Posted by TBowes22

They send electrical impulses to make me feel the effects of dopamine and all of the drugs I've done in the past. The electrical impulses have even helped me quit smoking? That was the main thing I'd say that has kind of got me mind boggled is how can I feel the effects of these drugs inside my body and stop smoking out of nowhere? One day I stayed up for 36 hours straight on "meth" from these electrical impulses because I was told that they use it in this hospital I am going to get a job in. I hear a womans voice repeating back to a doctor everything I am visualizing and thinking inside my brain, and I would assume the doctor is a neuro scientist. They keep telling me that I have a job waiting for me as soon as I can control my thoughts. I just started college in june for summer courses and now I can't focus on it at all because of all of this disruption. It has made all of my symptoms a lot worse than they were before. .

I'm a bit baffled about staying up for 36 hours?

[insilence]

Originally Posted by healingme4me

I'm a bit baffled about staying up for 36 hours?

ive had it so bad i was kept awake for 4 days two or three times in the last 5 years.
my voices were inteligently communicating that they were intentionaly keeping me awake so i die. they used all kinds of evil things to make me crazy and hurt myself.
Now days i consider every sound i identify as them as a attempt to make me believe a lie.

You can over time kick them out of you to a degree and block external things you will see they start to get less effective.

[Sesiley]

It is very possible that all of this is the side affects coming off of drugs......but after a week being off drugs that it continues then you may want to look into....drugs also induces the symptoms you are experiencing.

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[Sesiley]

Staying awake for a certain amount of time will cause to hallucinations and delusions. Methodist keeps you awake for the amount of time to experience this

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[Sesiley]

Originally Posted by Sesiley

Staying awake for a certain amount of time will cause to hallucinations and delusions. Methodist keeps you awake for the amount of time to experience this

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Meth***

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So are you presently under the care of a psychiatrist? You might benefit from some meds.