[chasms]

i think i really just faked this whole illness. is that possible? maybe i just wanted attention. ive had different "delusions" and im paranoid about the cops Alllllll the time especially when i take recreational drugs. i was first diagnosed with bipolar nos when i went to the hospital 2 times because of suicide. i went again in july of this year because of being suicidal buti started lithium to help that and i think it has. ive had depression problems since i was 13. my mind just creates new theories and i go on them. is that "schizophrenia" i dont know. im so crazy and im being controlled. i feel empty and hopeless about my future...working and school is just so hard

[insilence]

i used to have that problem, on risperdal i literally felt my minds nerves or whatever snap and my brain felt free of impulsed thoughts that were not my own. the voices were still there though.

you should stop taking drugs or drinking as they can contribute to a heightened sense of whatever your thinking of.

i was beat up constantly during my school days and that caused a self hatred and resentment towards my life. and had those types of delusions from that. my problems though came out in my mid 30s with hearing voices.

[A18793715]

I worry I've somehow made up mine too. I don't know how you could but that's one problem with me talking to doctors because I feel like I'm lying and that I'm really not sick and I just subconsciously want attention though consciously, I can't stand attention. I had a bad childhood. When I think about it, my fight symptom was paranoia and possibly delusions? I was in 4th grade (age 9-10). My house burned down and they was constantly fighting and both of my parents being alcoholics and my dad physically abusive towards my mom since before I was born.

[TRIGGER - Domestic violence]

Right before our house kicked in, I watched my dad kick my moms ribs in on one side and collapsed her rib. It was terrifying. My dad just left and my mom gasped at me and my sister to go run to my friends house and get my friends mom to call 911.

After my house burned down, I was convinced the construction workers installed cameras behind bathroom mirrors. I refused to undress in front of mirrors, under bathroom lights and fans. I refused to stand over the drain while taking a shower. My hallucinations started as voices at 13 after a severely traumatic even.

My mom tells me I just see and hear ghosts. My dad ignores it.


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[AmericanBeauty]

I thought I was alone on this. Apparently it's somewhat common. The voices have told me I'm faking, and sometimes I get messages in different ways telling me I'm faking, like in advertisements and stuff. But the delivery of these messages is through both delusion and hallucination so I can't possibly be faking. It's really weird. Sometimes I'll tell my psychiatrist something I very genuinely believe in, like accessing other realities and I'll think to myself, "Am I lying about believing that?"

I think it just comes with the territory of psychosis, especially if you're being treated. If you go on an antipsychotic and stop believing those delusions and stuff, I think the juxtaposition causes you to believe that you're faking something.

[chasms]

thank you all for the input

[A18793715]

I thought the same thing. Still to this day. I'm terrified I've made this all up and I'll end up in legal trouble because of my ssi and all of that.

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[dillpickle1983]

Originally Posted by A18793715

I thought the same thing. Still to this day. I'm terrified I've made this all up and I'll end up in legal trouble because of my ssi and all of that.

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I feel exactly the same way.

[chasms]

it is pretty good that a lot of people relate

[Rosegirl22]

I feel the same way. That I'm just making things up and overanalyzing things to make them seem like delusions etc. I donr hear or see things though so Idk. But i doubt anyone would believe me in what I beleieve. Or ive had them tell me its bpd or anxiety. LOL OK.

[Rosegirl22]

So by them not acknowledging that it could be a delusion I feel like a big fat fake.

[A18793715]

At least we aren't alone in feeling like this.

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