i'm in my early 40's - i have a 25 year history of severe/extreme mental health difficulties. Was forced hospitalised/medicated 4 times & ended up long term dependent on a medication. Have been too unwell to work for the past 14 years.

i have reached a place of acceptance around the diagnosis/condition & medication. Although i do feel far more could have been & could be done to help & support me with things, especially in relation to more comprehensive psychological/social help/support. It's an ongoing conflict/contention - this society seems focused on labels & psychiatric drugs.

i went through 7 major episodes/breakdowns - & have been more or less stable for the past 10 years, with ongoing stuff - have had a lot of anxiety & depression, which has lessened a bit recently.

i was in addiction/alcoholism (dual diagnosis) in the past as well, but am now 14 years clean/sober (despite the odd slip) - i still smoke tobacco, that i've Not been able to stop, & feel very addicted to.

i feel chronically fatigued, exhausted & drained of energy almost the entire time. Poor quality sleep, it's very disturbed, with very vivid dreams/nightmares. i wake up totally done in.

i have a catalogue of physical ailments - a groin abscess that flares up & down, sore/swollen throat & ear ache; especially on the right side. Tooth ache that fluctuates. Headaches/pains in head. Very bad sciatica (bad back), that i've had for 10 years - have been seeing an osteopath. Aches & pains in chest; that i've had for 25 years.

The anxiety & depression has lessened a bit, but i get a lot of worries about my circumstances & this World/society. Often feel very overwhelmed & spun out with the way everything is/i perceive it all.

Very unmanageable with everyday basics, am having one bath every few weeks. Has been an incredibly difficult year, especially with my mum's long term illness/alzheimers, & whole situation/dynamics i'm in.

i often feel very blamed & attacked a lot, especially on-line, because of my views & what people appear to make of my persona. i don't know why it happens to the extent it does? A guy on another forum has attacked me for the past 7 years, he's deluded; saying i'm a Devil worshipping/Demon Conjuring Satanist, & Dark Soul. He's recently starting accusing me of being a paedophile. i don't know where it comes from with people? It's all untrue.

i find this World really unadvanced & backward, i don't like it. i've been through hell with everything. & i feel totally done in with it all.

i wonder how much of current difficulties is iatrogenic illness? i'm very feared up around anything medical, & have avoided the GP (Doctor) for the past year. Have been fully discharged from all psychiatric services for the past 3 years. Just keep taking the pills (i'm on a low dose of one anti-psychotic medication) & plodding on as best that i can.

hey man , what pops out from all this , is that your low dose does not seem worth it , you seem to have alot of negative symptoms , that are not med induced , and your health seems run down regardless of this fact. Why not try to improve this problem by taking more meds. its not as if this low dose strategy is returning any benefits , or at least i'm struggling to see the benefits...

maybe you could honestly tell us what dose you take?

i take 300mg of Amisulpride. i don't think it's available in America.

It may of course be this medication that is in part causing some of the ill effects.

i've been close to getting back on anti-depressants a few times over the past 8 years. i generally have a very dim view of psychiatric drugs. If i could successfully get off the drug i take i would do.

Originally Posted by Apotheosis

i take 300mg of Amisulpride. i don't think it's available in America.

It may of course be this medication that is in part causing some of the ill effects.

i've been close to getting back on anti-depressants a few times over the past 8 years. i generally have a very dim view of psychiatric drugs. If i could successfully get off the drug i take i would do.

But dude , why do you want off meds when your functioning is so bad. It doesn't make sense. You seem so caught up in philosophical matters that you can't recognise what is staring you in the face. Why on earth , I'll never know. Also can you tell me why you have a groin abscess , do you have a medical condition or is it down to you not seeing a GP. Your only in your early 40s for Chr1st sake.

Originally Posted by Materly

But dude , why do you want off meds when your functioning is so bad. It doesn't make sense. You seem so caught up in philosophical matters that you can't recognise what is staring you in the face. Why on earth , I'll never know. Also can you tell me why you have a groin abscess , do you have a medical condition or is it down to you not seeing a GP. Your only in your early 40s for Chr1st sake.

In part the loss of functioning i think is in part due to 25 years of the psychiatric/medical treatments.

Mental health is a complex subject, i don't personally agree with the mass drugging of society & this focus on labels & drugs - i think it's a horror story. There are more comprehensive psychological/social approaches proven to be highly effective in helping people heal.

What is staring me in the face? From where i've come from i've made massive progress - 16 years since last in hospital, 10 years since since last major episode, lived a highly independent life & maintain independent living for the past 10 years. Fully discharged from all psychiatric services for the past 3 years. 14 years of sobriety. What is it you see from my on-line persona? i find it hard to fathom the reasons why some people come up with the things they do in their heads about me on-line.

There's Nothing wrong in having an independent & critical intelligence & using it. There is Nothing wrong in having an interest in philosophical & other matters. What is the issue you have with that?

It's a complex question with the abscess. They don't know what the causes are. People can get them at any age, & there is actually very little that can be done with it all. Yes i have seen the Doctor numerous times with it all & had some courses of antibiotics. Next stage would be an operation & having it packed out. There are risks with that & it's Not a guarantee it works.

Originally Posted by Apotheosis

In part the loss of functioning i think is in part due to 25 years of the psychiatric/medical treatments.

Mental health is a complex subject, i don't personally agree with the mass drugging of society & this focus on labels & drugs - i think it's a horror story. There are more comprehensive psychological/social approaches proven to be highly effective in helping people heal.

What is staring me in the face? From where i've come from i've made massive progress - 16 years since last in hospital, 10 years since since last major episode, lived a highly independent life & maintain independent living for the past 10 years. Fully discharged from all psychiatric services for the past 3 years. 14 years of sobriety. What is it you see from my on-line persona? i find it hard to fathom the reasons why some people come up with the things they do in their heads about me on-line.

There's Nothing wrong in having an independent & critical intelligence & using it. There is Nothing wrong in having an interest in philosophical & other matters. What is the issue you have with that?

It's a complex question with the abscess. They don't know what the causes are. People can get them at any age, & there is actually very little that can be done with it all. Yes i have seen the Doctor numerous times with it all & had some courses of antibiotics. Next stage would be an operation & having it packed out. There are risks with that & it's Not a guarantee it works.

There you go again ... Hey I tried ... Your life/health isn't likely to get better unless you make it better. In terms of your mouth/dental health you should know that there is admittedly loose correlations between these factors and Alzheimer's for example. Also in terms of your abscess , you have access to the most liberal health system in the western world , use it..

Originally Posted by Materly

There you go again ... Hey I tried ... Your life/health isn't likely to get better unless you make it better. In terms of your mouth/dental health you should know that there is admittedly loose correlations between these factors and Alzheimer's for example. Also in terms of your abscess , you have access to the most liberal health system in the western world , use it..

There i go again with what? Speaking the truth.......

Originally Posted by Apotheosis

There i go again with what? Speaking the truth.......

Hey man , I'm going to love you up with pity you know , your in your early 40s not an old man.

Originally Posted by Materly

Hey man , I'm going to love you up with pity you know , your in your early 40s not an old man.

i don't want your pity - i was sharing a post on a mental health support forum about where i'm at.

Incidentally, psychiatric drugs have been very much linked to alzheimers, so too have neuroleptics (anti-psychotics) been linked to non illness related brain damage & an up to 20 year reduced life span.

My mother has Alzheimers - she lived one of the healthiest lives i've seen. Aetiology is Not fully known, same with many things.

Originally Posted by Apotheosis

i don't want your pity - i was sharing a post on a mental health support forum about where i'm at.

Incidentally, psychiatric drugs have been very much linked to alzheimers, so too have neuroleptics (anti-psychotics) been linked to non illness related brain damage & an up to 20 year reduced life span.

My mother has Alzheimers - she lived one of the healthiest lives i've seen. Aetiology is Not fully known, same with many things.

We've locked horns before , on other forums , etc. I know your spiel , I've read it many times before as you probably know mine. Anyway let's leave it at that..

Originally Posted by Materly

We've locked horns before , on other forums , etc. I know your spiel , I've read it many times before as you probably know mine. Anyway let's leave it at that..

i know your sort all too well. i'm happy to agree to disagree - the truth will out...

Originally Posted by Apotheosis

i know your sort all too well. i'm happy to agree to disagree - the truth will out...

OK just to let you know , I wasn't directly levelling at you that you seeking of support was just a means of facilitating a later evangelising of members of this forum to your way of thinking.

I don't give a **** about that , so no worries there , I just think that your are not taking practical measures to help yourself.. Now that's the end , for real this time

Originally Posted by Materly

OK just to let you know , I wasn't directly levelling at you that you seeking of support was just a means of facilitating a later evangelising of members of this forum to your way of thinking.

On a mental health discussion forum what do people do other than express their opinion? How is what you (or anyone else) do any different? & in fact what you have done in this thread.

I don't give a **** about that , so no worries there , I just think that your are not taking practical measures to help yourself.. Now that's the end , for real this time

How sweet that you care so much about me & are so supportive.

Why do you think/assume that? & are you aware of everything that i have done & continue to do for my own healing & recovery? i wouldn't have made the massive progress that i have done if i hadn't made use of every opportunity for growth, learning, transformation & healing.

i think more the issue you take is that i'm Not just another pro biomedical/materialism/psychiatric/mainstream adherent.

i don't want blame & personal attack for my difficulties - this is a support forum. Have had 25 years of battling mental illness.

New week - errands to get done. Usual ailments & grievances. Same *****.

[jeshuelle]

HI, your situation sounds exactly like mine. I am leftover from years the mental health system feeling exhausted physically and often mentally. I have to say you sound like a very intelligent person and I would agree with you that there is a general "dumbing down" of intelligent people suffering mental illness by use of anti-psychotics. Myself, I have just come out from suffering a year long delusion that nobody has known about. Now I am left with cold stark reality and when I do look at the world it does seem rather a scary place. I am above all, incredibly lonely (even though I am in a relationship). Could it be you are feeling isolated? I know I am. I daren't reach out to my doctor in case he hospitalised me. At present I am perfectly sane and intend to remain so! Physically do you look after yourself? I am overweight and I find this makes me feel really tired and contributes to the feelings of social isolation I feel. Anyway, I think it would be a good idea to reach out to your doctor and dentist, I'm sure you'd feel a lot better once you'd done that. I find the most difficult thing is trying to retain this "positive attitude" that people place so much importance on these days. I am a deep thinker and so can dwell on the negatives of life far too much sometimes (not that I think there's anything wrong with that).

Thanks for the reply jeshuelle. i've been feeling a bit better the past week. This is a very dark, backward & uncivilised civilisation, i'm Not going to pretend it isn't.

i am isolated - 17 years single, 14 years living alone, & have been discharged from all psychiatric services for the past 3 years. i'm generally a lot more accepting of things on the whole.

i am sane - Not been delusional or in florid psychosis for over 10 years. i see a mad mad World.

There are difficulties, it's hard to try & go into & explain everything. i have a good circle of friends, overall a good quality of life, & a lot to be very grateful for.

i could do with doing more exercise & cutting down/stopping smoking. i question what long term neuroleptic medication is doing to me, but i'm in an endless catch 22 with all that - there never really was & isn't a choice with it. i just accept the diagnosis/condition, & medication.

i'm terrified of the medical system. Not seen the doctor in a year. i'd rather try & manage my own ailments. i have almost as dim a view of general medicine as i do of psychiatry. i'm seeing the dentist at the end of the year, & don't really want to go.