[genericname13]

(There is a section that is a little graphic, sorry)


This is my first post here, I hope this forum is alright, its seems close to what I am dealing with. I will try to keep it semi short.

I am a 20 year old male, I currently go to school full time for Business Administration and I work full time. I'm here to ask for help finding a Psychologist that would be able to help me with the issues I am having. I am not sure where to start so here it goes.

I keep going through these periods of I guess you would probably call it delusions. I am a werewolf. I go through these intervals, for a few days and sometimes weeks I feel absolutely normal, happy and energetic. Then randomly I become very manic, both very happy or very mad. Its during those times I know I am a werewolf, its like I am battling with another part of me. Constantly whispering things, mostly nonsense but other times Its just this presence that almost controls me. Please don't think I am a psycho for this next part, I would NEVER actually do this. I have lots of dreams about killing people, slitting throats, biting and ripping out chunks of them. The most messed up thing is when I wake up after dreams like that, I feel wonderful. Very happy and bubbly and very energetic. I mean what the hell is that, why would dreams like that give me that sort of satisfaction and rest. During this times of craziness, I have extreme urges to cut, I have gotten very good at distracting myself when the urge hits. But when I do slip, Its not even about hurting myself or the relaxation or the release of it. I consider the blood to be an offering to the wolf in me. During these episodes I get extreme cravings for raw meat. I will usually head to the store and pick up a nice red steak and eat it raw. For some reason when I indulge in that, the other crazy part of me backs off for a while. If I don't indulge the desire for eating the raw steak and I try to eat other foods, I just start to feel sick, like I want to throw up. I usually end up throwing away ¾ of my food and just not eating. The desire to cut becomes stronger because I crave the blood, once again I have gotten good at avoid this but I fail on occasion. It have pretty much become a second religion to me. During my werewolf episodes I have minor hallucinations like I am seeing hooding figures out of the corner of my eye. My most vivid hallucination was when I was heading to class one night, I was driving at about 60 MPH on a 4 lane road. The other lane was lit up by my headlights and I saw some wolf fox thing running alongside my car. I know It couldn't of been real because I was driving way to fast for any animal to keep up with me. It kept running alongside my car for about 10 seconds. I didn't know what to make of that, I know it wasn't real. It couldn't have been.

I have very bad anxiety half the time, It gets pretty bad when I am around a lot of family or sometimes just large crowds. I don't know why I get such bad anxiety because I don't care what people think about me. I don't have any real worries, Its just pointless anxiety about nothing. I start to shake and try to get out of whatever environment as fast as I can. Once I am away I usually get very upset because I had to drop whatever I was doing and go through all the stress for literally not reason at all. It just seems so pointless and stupid.
The other half of the time, I am extremely confident and ambitious. I can handle almost any situation with ease and confidence. I can figure out how I jump between the two so much.
I am unsure if the Werewolf thing is a cause of my anxiety, it could possibly be a form of disassociation with whatever I am worrying about deep down inside.

I have this paranoia about friends and family that comes and goes. I feel some friends are plotting or saying things about me or I make up crazy reason about why they don't want to hang out with me. It has pushed some good friends away in the past and I have said hurtful things to family members, only later to realize I was being ridiculous and just plain paranoid.

If anyone could give me help on what type of therapist, psychologist that I should be looking for It would be greatly appreciated. I am at the point to where I know I need to get help because these problems are slowly getting worse all the time. I am afraid I will literally lose my mind one of these days. I have too big of ambitions to let this stuff bring me down. Seeing a Psychiatrist is out of the question. I had a pretty bad experience with one after I admitted myself to the hospital a couple of years ago. I refuse to take any medication for my issues. I want to find a method of dealing with my issues and hopefully one day, getting rid of them all together.

Thank you for reading through that mess of crazy and bad sentence structure, I hope I didn't go to overboard. I apologize if I went too much into detail. If this post gets closed for some reason, please give me some resources to find a Psychologist that could help with this. I am very afraid and feel very alone in this.

[lowinmood]

is there a hearing voices group in your area? I know you didn't mention anything about hearing voices, but it is for anyone who thinks they are experiencing hallucinations, or alternative realities where other people don't understand.

If you look on this website below, you might find a group near you:

Hearing Voices Network: Welcome

[Skeezyks]

Hello genericname13: Welcome to PsychCentral! PC is a great place to gain support as well as to obtain mental health related information. There are many knowledgeable & caring members here. The more you post, & reply to other members' posts, the more you'll gain from the time you spend here.

I see that you're in Wichita. I am in "The Twin Cities". I don't know anything about Wichita. But, I would have to say, here in TC, my experience has been that the options for therapists is limited. What I have found is that the preponderance of available therapists are young people (women mostly) with social work degrees. They are simply not equipped to deal with my issues nor do most of them have any interest in doing so. I have simply not been able to find anyone whom I felt was really able to be of any benefit to me at all. And I've seen a few over the years now. One would think that this would not be the case in a metropolitan area like the Twin Cities. But this has been my experience. Hopefully Wichita is better.

Anyway, my suggestion would be to simply contact any local mental health organizations in your area & see if they have lists of available therapists. These are probably available on-line & typically there'll be a blurb about what types of mental health issues they handle. Also, if you have health insurance that covers mental health therapy, your insurer may have a list of approved providers available.

I'm retired now. But, back when I was employed, I worked in the human services field & had occasion to meet a variety of psychologists. The ones whom I always felt knew the most were the neuropsychologists. These are PhD psychologists with specialized training in the workings of the brain. They are often affiliated with large medical centers. Unfortunately, I have never been able to find one who sees clients for individual therapy. And, at this point, I've just given up. But, were I to decide to take another shot at it, this is the type of professional I would look for. Good luck!