[Bellerophon]

Hello,

I have questions for schizophrenic persons here...

When we speak of tactile hallucination, is it always something that touches our body directly? I ask this because I am not sure what I am experiencing.

I do not think I have ever experienced auditory hallucination. Sometimes I hear my name whispered, but it is a monosyllabic name so it may be the wind outside or many things. I am often "thinking a thought" which does not seem my own, as if it controls me. My thoughts race a lot. Every day I hear different snippets of musical melodies deep inside myself -- music that I have not really heard in weeks or months, or even years. This causes me significant distraction.

Most of the things that strike me in the visual realm happen in the corner of my eye during the night. Though I have experienced sleep paralysis several times, and have seen the most awful things during those times, I know that these are not schizophrenic hallucinations either. I do often see wide-open eyes staring at me when I close my eyes or blink, so I try not to close my eyes or blink very much.

What I definitely experience all the time is a sense of "presence". I know with all my heart that someone or something is standing just outside my field of vision, about to violate me. Whenever I turn to look, there is nothing there. I know this presence is real, though. I feel it as much as I feel another person in a room. I am not sure if this is hallucination or delusion. The same thing happens when I am in front of a mirror: I feel the physical presence of an entity in the room, either within the mirror or reflected behind me by the mirror, even if I can't see anything. It haunts me and causes extreme discomfort. The sense of presence is so real, especially when turning corners or opening doors, that sometimes I have to say "no, you're not getting me today" or "no, you can't do this!" out loud as I walk to a safe place, in order to calm my fears and tell it to go away.

I have been awake during the night for many weeks, and this has stopped me from visiting my doctor. She is not a psychiatrist anyway, and it seems she can never find any psychiatrists who are taking new people, so there wouldn't be much help in asking her these questions right now. For now, I ask all of you.

Does anyone know of websites that have stories of people and their psychosis? I feel like my mind is spiralling downwards.

[ofthevalley]

I would still talk to your doc. She may have some suggestions or a way to get you into a pdoc sooner. I hope you find some relief.

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[insilence]

my last tactile followed a prophetic dream and itsekf was a prophecy of that day.