[chasms]

The frequency of my brain has been made differently, in a way that i think the things i say and think are being listened to. im very scared of the cops. i always think there are undercover ones or just normal ones plain out to get me.no medication has really worked for me , except anxiety meds. i am also constantly suicidal it can never get out of my mind sometimes i would act on it. ive been hospitalized for that about 5 times. i also have a job that is sometimes okay but i can barely even do anythhing and its fast food!wtf. i refuse to work front counter because i cant understand the computer or be fast enough, i can only work the fryers. im always scared people , coworkers included are talking bad about me. or that people are tricking me all the time. my pdoc thinks i can apply for disability even if its a very low amount (what are the odds of me receiving that, im 19, how long does it take?)she also wants me to go to a residential placcce for about a month. i will get off all my meds and start new and see how i am at baseline. im very scared to do this. everything feels horrible and i dont kno whats going on. im so unhappy and confuseed.,