[chasms]

i know this is going to be long and confusing but im so confused and hurt by events that happened yesterday.

i was with my kind of boyfriend in the forest, some kids came walking up and i saw a flash of light and thought it was the police. i have very bad paranoia about the police. i had to take my valium because my heart was beating a mile a minute. after this it just got worse and worse and worse.

we were going to spray paint on the rocks and i told him i thought i knew what he was going to do but it was cheesy so i was not going to say it outloud. but i think i was right. so he spray painted it with my back away. for some reason everything after this is really foggy. i thought he could read my mind.

all the events were going strangely. ive used to have problems that people could read my mind but never to this extreme. i was thinking things in my head like as a test to prove that he could read my mind and all of them were proven then i started getting scared. we started leaving. then i called him manipulative (which being manipulative is his worse fear) and told him he was reading my mind. then i started thnking i was crazy and "conveniently" RIght after that thought he would be like "youre okay" or something like that

after this i was afraid that he was going to hurt me. i was convinced that the police were at my house to either arrest me for drugs or take me to a mental hospital. i cant remember why i thought that but i thought he called them on me secretly because i was being "psychotic". we are in the car driving home. and hhe was reading my mind and like responding to my thoughts in a non straightforward way. it was like hidden meanings. for example when he said "do you want to go home?" i was thinking he meant home as in a mental hospital because he thought i was crazy. i told him to pull over and let me out of the car and he starts freaking out because i didnt trust him because he was reading my mind. i was trying to think of random things or i would cuss him out and look for his reaction. i was trying to act normal because i was scared if i got home and the police were there i would say somethig wrong and be taken to the hospital.

in the car we were commuicating in very subtle ways. he would say something as a metaphor in response to what i was thinking. i think he didnt want to admit that he could read my mind.

i was so afraid i was trying to message my friend but she wasnt online or i was too scared to because he could read my mind and then try to hurt me.

what i gathered from our subtle "conversations" (i was barely speaking in the car and i was very paranoid, i even had him pull over to a gas station to drop me off but that didnt happen) anyway what my perception was, was that we would either go to this other forest because he wanted to have sex with me, or we go to my house and i get arrested. im asexual and he knows that and he knows i was "psychotic" so we went there and he basically made me have sex with him. i was so unenthused and depressed but i had to put on a act because i was scared if i told him no that he would take me back to my house and id be arrested (i had weed and pills in my house but i did get the chance to text my roomate to flush it all). so that happened and in my mind he just wanted me to have sex with him or get arrested and im so scared of the police i felt unsafe to go back home. it was really traumatizing. a lot more went on in my head that i cant remember or put into words.

today im experiences a lot of things. a lot of paranoia. i think that he is inside my head trying to control me. im seeing signs everywhere like 'delusions" of reference. for example i randomly found a dime in my pocket so that means i will have 10 days of bad luck. theres a song i just found today and all the lyrics explain what happened to me today. it was really bad but ive talking to him since and he thought i wanted to have sex with him and there were no police at all but he still coerced me either way. even if he didnt call the police im still too afraid to ever be around him because he can read my mind in a certain radius. ive used to think people can read my mind but it was in a more casual way. im still experiencing a lot right now. i can barely get out of the couch. i cant think straight. im connecting seemingly random events it feels like my mind isnt my own. i was experiencing some of these symptoms before this whole event but now everything is enhanced. im seeing signs every minute almost. for example someone liked a picture of me and my ex girlfiend on facebook and i thought that was a sign for her to see it and want to talk to me again..things like that have been going on constantly all day. im really scared to leave the house . i cant trust anyone but my roomate. before this i didnt worry about telepathy as much. i think my roomate can even secretly read my mind but no one will admit it

i cant remember everything that happened. its really jumbled up or i forgot. i hope this makes sense. when i got home i was shaking trying to explain what heppened but i wasnt making any sense. i think me seeing all these "signs" makes me special, like a 6thsnse. also he knew i have schizoaffective disorder he claims he was trying to be supportive when we talked today but i still dont trust him. i think hes putting the thought in my head that all of this was my fault because it felt like he sexually assaulted me

Can you see your doctor soon about all of this? I think you need to talk to someone about the assault.

I see the "signs" that confirm things when I'm unwell. As soon as all the signs begin appearing, and I begin to think people can read my mind or I can read theirs, my thinking is off.

What you are going through sounds very distressing. I'm not sure what happened with this person, but if you feel sexually assaulted, you should talk to someone about it. A professional.

Please keep us posted on how you are doing and what your plan is. (((Hugs)))

[chasms]

Originally Posted by ElsaMars

Can you see your doctor soon about all of this? I think you need to talk to someone about the assault.

I see the "signs" that confirm things when I'm unwell. As soon as all the signs begin appearing, and I begin to think people can read my mind or I can read theirs, my thinking is off.

What you are going through sounds very distressing. I'm not sure what happened with this person, but if you feel sexually assaulted, you should talk to someone about it. A professional.

Please keep us posted on how you are doing and what your plan is. (((Hugs)))

i see my therapist tomorrow. im still doing pretty bad. ill keep it updated, thank youf or your kindness <3

[MoonSunn]

i agree with what elsa posted

id like to add; nobody is reading your mind. nobody can hear your mind. its impossible. sometimes, when all this seems too real, a little distraction might help. a movie you like, a hobby, a pet, whatever. i know its hard, i experience it myself, but theres not much else can be done. maybe have your roommate reassure you none of this is happening.

i dont know about you but weed makes me psychotic.

i think i might be asexual and i know what its like when people dont believe it or cant understand it. if you need someone you can talk to about this and your symptoms feel free to contact me

[chasms]

Originally Posted by MoonSunn

i agree with what elsa posted

id like to add; nobody is reading your mind. nobody can hear your mind. its impossible. sometimes, when all this seems too real, a little distraction might help. a movie you like, a hobby, a pet, whatever. i know its hard, i experience it myself, but theres not much else can be done. maybe have your roommate reassure you none of this is happening.

i dont know about you but weed makes me psychotic.

i think i might be asexual and i know what its like when people dont believe it or cant understand it. if you need someone you can talk to about this and your symptoms feel free to contact me

its hard to beieve thaat. i think certain types of peopel can read minds.

i always used weed to calm me down from anxiety or deep depression then it statered to make me more paranoia. sorry its hard to type. i can barely see.

being asexual is hard. a lot of people cant undestand it, thank you for your sympathy and kindess