[Aniket]

I am a bit of a hypochondriac, and for three months I have convinced myself that I have schizophrenia. It all started with having racing, out of control thoughts while sleeping. My main symptoms are- 1) Whenever I am sitting in silence, I get racing "thoughts" about a number of things. These thoughts are in my inner voice, and these are the things I'd think, but they are out of my control. It can be random words popping in my mind, or it can be sentences. It's usually about mundane things. During which, brain feels very tired, and I kind of zone out. When I come back, I realise that I am having these thoughts, and I put a stop to them. They only happen when I am not thinking anything. When my brain is empty so to speak. But they are not about anything- just gibberish. I can equate them with the racing thoughts one has when sleeping. I see them as my thoughts, but ones which are a product of my subconscious. The thoughts make me anxious, but they dont talk to me. They dont have an identity of their own. Its just RANDOM thoughts. Or words. It almost feels like I let go of the reins of my brain, and it spouts up all the pent up jumbled information. The closest feeling is the groggy state when we have just woken up and cant think clealry, and have all kinds of random thoughts popping up. The name of a random person will come up. 2) I have been hearing voices while I am sleeping. I dont hear these voices during the day. I hear them when I am sleeping and dreaming. One dream sequence after the other. The worrying part is that I get paranoid about schizophrenia and wake up due to these voice dreams, but when I fall back asleep, or I am half asleep, I again have these "voice dreams". They stop completely once I am completely awake. 3) I doubt my own choices, and doubt my inner thoughts- are they really mine? 4) I feel detached from people around me and things in general. Everything FEELS unreal, though I know what reality is. Things and people and surroundings and concepts feel strange, almost alien.

I must mention that prior to this, I was extremely stressed about my sleep problems, and I was stressed about being away from home, and my exams. I am 27 years old. I have been almost obsessed about the possibility of developing schizophrenia. I have met two psychiatrists, who have ruled it out. The GPs I met, and the A & E people also ruled it out. I want to know whether obsessing over a mental illness, and a belief that one has a mental illness can slowly drive one insane, because this is what I seem to have done.
Apart from this, for a few days in the past one month, I also had critical inner thoughts- Like if I was on a page, then "why are you still on this page". "Read this and then read that" etc. But I also must add a cavet that by then I was doubting every thought of mine, and therefore, felt increasingly disjointed from my own thoughts. Its highly possible that I was feeling alien to my own thoughts. But this has only happened when I am concentrating on this, and not when I am occupied with other things.
I have shown myself to two psychiatrists who tell me its depression/anxiety. But I increasingly feel worried it might be schizophrenia, in fact I am convinced it is. Is there ANY possibility that this is not a psychotic disorder what I am experiencing?

We can't diagnose you here but we are here to support you. I will share my experiences with you, as that may help you. I hope it helps you.

I have experienced psychosis on numerous occasions, some were delusional, some included hallucinations, or both. I occasionally have a complete break from reality during severe psychotic episodes. I think my psychosis IS reality and I have no insight that I'm psychotic. I often don't recall a lot of my psychotic breaks. I stay stable with antipsychotic medication. I become symptomatic under prolonged, extreme stress during a bipolar mood episode.

Now, I usually can tell when I begin having psychotic symptoms and I call my pdoc. For the record, I have bipolar 1 with psychosis, not schizophrenia, but I feel comfortable answering your post due to experiencing psychosis.

In my unprofessional opinion and only based on my personal experience with psychosis, I do not think you've experienced psychosis based upon your description above. I see anxiety reading your post and you've indicated you have bouts of hypochondria, including seeking a diagnosis of schizophrenia by professionals.

You obviously are in distress and I do think you'd benefit by seeing a psychiatrist and a therapist to treat your anxiety and any other mental health issues. Its atypical for someone to want a mood disorder, especially one that may include psychosis. The most intense psychotic break I ever had was so severe and lasted for months. It was the most terrifying experience of my entire life. I wouldn't wish it on anyone and I am glad medication helps me.

You have my empathy and I hope you can resolve your troubles. I do not think schizophrenia is one of them, but your obsession with having psychosis and a mood disorder is very significant. I know you may feel otherwise, but you don't want a mood disorder with psychosis. The reality of it is....inexplicable in a bad way.

I hope you can get treatment and I wish you the best. Your doctors have indicated anxiety and depression. If you have been diagnosed with depression and anxiety, those are serious illnesses. Major depressive disorder is a mood disorder and anxiety is so uncomfortable - I hope you seek treatment and therapy to help you heal and manage your conditions. Thinking of you

[lilcreecher]

You are just convincing yourself you have it. Two Psychiatrists have ruled it out. Talk to a third one. The sleepinjg voices are pretty normal, I get those. And intrusive thoughts are also normal. Especially when you are not focused on a task. Talk to a Psychologist/psychiatrist. They will clear it up and help you to not worry about it.