[ninjasm]

I apologize that schizotypal forum may be more appropriate but that is a very inactive board.

I have doubts regarding my diagnosis of schizotypal pd and am afraid that I am straight-up schizophrenic.

Reading the descriptions of schizotypal is like reading an "all about me" webpage for myself. There is no doubt that I am schizotypal - but what is the line between that and full-blown schizophrenia?

Since my diagnosis of STPD (also diagnosed with OCD, PTSD, Avoidant PD and Persistent Depression w/ delusions w/ panic w/ psychotic features) I have confessed my full delusions/psychosis. Before we had only talked about how I had incredibly awful self-hate and projected that onto everyone around me expecting that they hated me.

But two weeks ago I admitted the big ones:

first, I constantly have voices in my head - people I know, people I see, people I imagine I will meet (esp if a source of stress, like a new boss that I'll meet after a long series of events down imagination lane). They are very negative - never positive. I talk back with them in my mind, or if I'm alone, outloud.

second, and the worst of the three: The Dragon. There is one voice in particular that is exceptionally awful to me. It is very vulgar and cuts me in all the ways that hurt the most. It isn't someone that I've ever met. I know it isn't real, but its always there.

Both of these get worse, much worse, when I start to feel anxiety - but anxiety is what I do - I'm even diagnosed formally with two anxiety disorders. When the voices really start going I'm sure to have a panic attack.
I have been started on anti-psychotics and everything is still there but things feel a little more organized and (for lack of better terms) a little lower in volume. I'm hoping the psychiatrist increases the dose.

the third one: I don't just have a belief in aliens - I think they have contacted me atleast three times and that I may have been abducted. These are, of course, lengthy stories. I also think that I am under their observation. I also think that they are conducting social experiments on me including inserting strong feelings of same sex attraction that always feels "half-baked" to me but obsessional and compulsory. I think I was initially selected because I am a genius. I think that I may have been selected as a sort of vessel for knowledge but was later downgraded to observation when I wasn't living up to my potential. Rereading I see I use the word 'think' a lot. These are things that I 'know'. Just like a Christian knows things about their God.

The therapist I confessed all of that to (except I only said aliens have attempted contact twice - the two times I've been struck by lightning - I'm going to say the rest at my next apt in two days) is not the doctor that did or does the diagnosing.

I also believe there is a big conspiracy between all of my doctors and the government to put me out of the military (13 years active duty) as cheaply as possible. They have purposely medicated me to the point of hospitalization and put me on meds to intentionally get me to kill myself - I was very close. Now they want to use a personality disorder diagnosis to put me out but not have to compensate me (those are not a ratable disability in the DoD).

I'm scared. I don't want to be schizophrenic. I'm married and have kids - what will that do to my family? To me, with no medical training, this seems like an easy diagnosis of schizophrenia.

Maybe what makes me not schizophrenic is that I know the voices are not real and that the aliens are completely irrational and makes no sense. Don't I have to have 100% buy-in to be schizophrenic?

I really appreciate any thoughts that any of you might have. I'm confused, I'm scared, I'm ashamed and I'm angry.

[Skeezyks]

Hello ninjasm: I'm afraid I cannot offer anything in the way of insight into your situation. However, I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to PsychCentral… from the Skeezyks! I hope you find the time you spend here to be of benefit.

PsychCentral is a great place to get information as well as support for mental health issues. There are many knowledgeable & caring members here. The more you post, & reply to other members’ posts, the more a part of the community you will become. Plus there are social groups you can join & chat rooms where you’ll be able to connect with other PC members in real time (once your first 5 posts have been reviewed & approved.) Lots of great stuff! So please keep posting!

Schizotypal is a personality disorder characterized by great difficulty in establishing and maintaining close, personal relationships. Furthermore, presenting symptoms of anxiety and depression are common, as well as a strong belief in the paranormal.

I'm NOT a psychiatrist, but I did read your entire post and believe that you have Schizotypal Personality Disorder, for you mentioned your anxiety.

I would mention all of this to your psychiatrist. I hope this helps.

[ninjasm]

Thank you both.

Helen - after doing more research I believe STPD also. I identify very much with most of the descriptions I've found.

I'm just very worried that the docs are in the process of putting me out in a manner that essentially throws my family out on the street.

[OliverB]

Hi and welcome, I have been diagnosed with schizotypal disorder too. -ICD version, not DSM-. I don't think I have a personality disorder, and I wonder if it's something else too.

+I don't believe in paranormal
+I am deeply atheist.
+I am asocial -Well, I am not, my mind is void and I don't have anything to sayy or do in social situation, it's more I have it-, and have some social anxiety but I am not anxious if it is people I know.
+I don't dress weird.
+I got lost in wonderland and after asking people it seems it's not something that happens to everyone. The same about entities and those who talk.
+I don't consider myself an anxious person, but it's more episodical anxiety.
+For me it's difficult to take a shower, clean, cook, ...
+Sometimes I am like frozen and I look autistic
+When I was a teen -early- I was said I was autistic after some years -late teen- they said I could be bipolar, schizophrenic or schizoaffective but they werent' sure.

I think if you are more or less functioning without meds or at least you don't act out, you are diagnosed with schizotypal, even if you didn't fit all criteria -like me-. My personality is much more formal and serious, not bizarre. -I have more OCPD traits than schizotypal.

Someone who believes he is Jesus and tells it to evyerone is likely to be diagnosed with bipolar with psychosis or a psychotic disorder, but if you believe you are Jesus and barely say anything to anyone, you can be diagnosed with schizptypal. When I was a teen I saw a dwarf who told me to hit my head against the wall and cut myself, but I never told everyone about it because I had so much alogia I barely talk.

I am not saying schizotypal is a false diagnosis because you could be schizotypal, but it's also possible to have schizophrenia and because you don't act out they believe you are just schizotypal. It would be a problems since someone with schizotypal generally can take care of himself, but if you actually are schizophrenic and you have a pschotic break and nobody realize about it because they think it's just a personality disorder you can end up doing something dangerous for youtself or others.

I am sorry if it is confusing because I am a confused person.

But what does your doctor sayy if youu ask them why are your considered schizotypal instead of schizphrenic?

Originally Posted by ninjasm

Thank you both.

Helen - after doing more research I believe STPD also. I identify very much with most of the descriptions I've found.

I'm just very worried that the docs are in the process of putting me out in a manner that essentially throws my family out on the street.

Oh, that's terrible.

Do you mean that the docs believe you're incapable of doing activities of daily living and are fast tracking you into some type of facility? If that's the case, then I understand your concern of loss of income (among other things) that would put your family in a position where they couldn't pay the bills.

You need to be assertive at this point and make a strong case that with medication and therapy you're capable of living a normal life.

Please keep us posted.

[ninjasm]

Thanks Helen -

I'm obsessive about all uncertainty and my compulsion is to math-it-out to the extreme (I'm a mathematician in the Army)... and my career and family's future is the uncertainty. I'm pretty much positive that I am getting put out since I'm on anti-psychotics and am expected to be for a long time (that class is a no-go in the military). I have five mental dx... three of which are ratable for disability - two are personality disorders that are not. I'm afraid they will call the schizotypal primary and send me on my way with only a severance instead of disability/benefits. I'm pretty much flipping out over this and it's a... well... long process.

Originally Posted by ninjasm

I apologize that schizotypal forum may be more appropriate but that is a very inactive board.

I have doubts regarding my diagnosis of schizotypal pd and am afraid that I am straight-up schizophrenic.

Reading the descriptions of schizotypal is like reading an "all about me" webpage for myself. There is no doubt that I am schizotypal - but what is the line between that and full-blown schizophrenia?

Since my diagnosis of STPD (also diagnosed with OCD, PTSD, Avoidant PD and Persistent Depression w/ delusions w/ panic w/ psychotic features) I have confessed my full delusions/psychosis. Before we had only talked about how I had incredibly awful self-hate and projected that onto everyone around me expecting that they hated me.

But two weeks ago I admitted the big ones:

first, I constantly have voices in my head - people I know, people I see, people I imagine I will meet (esp if a source of stress, like a new boss that I'll meet after a long series of events down imagination lane). They are very negative - never positive. I talk back with them in my mind, or if I'm alone, outloud.

second, and the worst of the three: The Dragon. There is one voice in particular that is exceptionally awful to me. It is very vulgar and cuts me in all the ways that hurt the most. It isn't someone that I've ever met. I know it isn't real, but its always there.

Both of these get worse, much worse, when I start to feel anxiety - but anxiety is what I do - I'm even diagnosed formally with two anxiety disorders. When the voices really start going I'm sure to have a panic attack.
I have been started on anti-psychotics and everything is still there but things feel a little more organized and (for lack of better terms) a little lower in volume. I'm hoping the psychiatrist increases the dose.

the third one: I don't just have a belief in aliens - I think they have contacted me atleast three times and that I may have been abducted. These are, of course, lengthy stories. I also think that I am under their observation. I also think that they are conducting social experiments on me including inserting strong feelings of same sex attraction that always feels "half-baked" to me but obsessional and compulsory. I think I was initially selected because I am a genius. I think that I may have been selected as a sort of vessel for knowledge but was later downgraded to observation when I wasn't living up to my potential. Rereading I see I use the word 'think' a lot. These are things that I 'know'. Just like a Christian knows things about their God.

The therapist I confessed all of that to (except I only said aliens have attempted contact twice - the two times I've been struck by lightning - I'm going to say the rest at my next apt in two days) is not the doctor that did or does the diagnosing.

I also believe there is a big conspiracy between all of my doctors and the government to put me out of the military (13 years active duty) as cheaply as possible. They have purposely medicated me to the point of hospitalization and put me on meds to intentionally get me to kill myself - I was very close. Now they want to use a personality disorder diagnosis to put me out but not have to compensate me (those are not a ratable disability in the DoD).

I'm scared. I don't want to be schizophrenic. I'm married and have kids - what will that do to my family? To me, with no medical training, this seems like an easy diagnosis of schizophrenia.

Maybe what makes me not schizophrenic is that I know the voices are not real and that the aliens are completely irrational and makes no sense. Don't I have to have 100% buy-in to be schizophrenic?

I really appreciate any thoughts that any of you might have. I'm confused, I'm scared, I'm ashamed and I'm angry.

You hear voices which is technically a hallucination, however , a Sz diagnosis would mean , you would have serious, serious hallucinations , like serious.

Do you mind telling me why you want a schizophrenia diagnosis?

[ninjasm]

What I want is the CORRECT diagnosis.
My hallucinations are not "serious, serious" consensus of my doc, my research and a few people on here all points to schizotypal.