[miss_rainy]

So I'm sitting here, just trying to eat my food. I feel like everything surreal. Like inside this body but I'm not at the same time. Life is happening around me I'm a still statue.
I had a really bad morning/night; all night, things have been ripping at my scalp. They pull so hard that now I'm not feeling well and all I want to do is sleep. I can't stay up, can't focus and it is too overwhelming to be with people. They rip out pieces of my scalp or disintegrate it, and push there crusty, burned, infected bodies on my head, making me feel so much pressure there. When they pull, all you can do is hold on as your body fights to pull back and start shaking. This is what I've been dealing with for three years....
Not only that, Ive had the misfortune of seeing something that looks like a bug in my cereal. Now, I'm seeing them sporadically crawling in my food and trying to dive in in it. Not only little bugs but big, creepy wormy things and flies...

Another thing is that but I've been bad dreams. Dreams about anxiety triggers, almost being raped and wanting it and being "tricked" into prostitution where my family had left me in this weird place and I was coerced by a woman who was really a mistress and she was trying to set me up into marrying this older man. It kinda played on a desire that I've been thinking of (that I wanted a baby) and if I did it, I would have kids and a family like the other girls. Unfortunately, my family came back and tried to save me and I ran and the mistress pulled me way (after the place suddenly scattered) and I wouldn't let them save me. I pretended that she had me but really* i let her take control of me and get me. I really didn't want to leave because in the beginning of the dream I felt I wasn't getting much attention and to my surprise she ended up killing me. The funny thing is, when I was dying, I guess she was draining me to death, I could hear the music get louder and more horrific. That sticks with me until this day.

I'm sorry to hear you're not doing so well. (((Hugs))) Is there anything that has helped you in the past when you're struggling? Do you have a therapist/psychiatrist team? Maybe it's time for a meds change.
I hope you feel better soon.

[miss_rainy]

Thank you (((Hugs))). So, I'm only on haldol forhearing voices but not much. There are times when my voices/hallucinations are good, like they help me so I told my pdoc I didn't want to get rid of them. So she gave me a pill as needed. I still don't want to take a higher dose. I'm already on Zoloft for anxiety/depression and that s driving me crazy. I gotta find a way to distract myself but I feel so I'll and tired all the time.

How are you doing now?
If you're still not doing so well I think it's time to call the pdoc and see what her ideas are