[scar12346]

Hey guys, I am writing half with hope that I will trigger It to come out and half because I feel weird for needing that fear. My psychosis has been very silent lately. Except the occasional, false sky and complete disorientation, I don't see It and the little boy and the breathing man and everyone else... and I gotta say I loved when I was freaking out. I'm trying to watch some creepy videos and reading some creepypastas but to be honest when I shared that to my psychiatrist he seemed.. conserned. I later learnd from my mom that he told her that she should watch over me for the next few weeks... I thought it's normal.. I mean it's emotion non the less. After they put me on those high end anti-depressants I have been so emotionless. Almost on verge of commiting suicide just to feel something.. even pain.. so that's a better alternative I guess. And I have the option of buying weed which will surely give my some hallucionations non the least but I'm 16, jobless I ain't got money for this ****.. I guess I wanted to write this because, let's face it.. I just want to relate to someone who feels the same... so please if you've ever felt that way please write back..

[OliverB]

Can you talk with your psychiatrist about the anti-depressant causing emotionless

I can related about wanting psychosis with you, when I am not psychotic I tend to be horrorized by my traumatic experiences. I have two states, psychotic and traumatized. I prefer the first one.

I miss some of the voices I had, the one that narrated what I did and the one that commented. The first one is almost absent and the second one has gone away.