[OptimisticLora]

I have been through unconstant changeable delusions. However, the following description, is really descriping my overall rational for every paraniod thought I have. I feel they condemn & manipulate me

Sarah Rist's answer to What is it like have schizophernia"qoura"

"I have schizophrenia for me its like I'm part of a big behavioral science experiment that is a huge world wide affair to see if by scarring me or by making fun of me the world can change my behavior patterns. I see this or hear this everywhere. I will think tv programs such as the late night shows are making fun of things I did that day or I will hear in my head that my family members are being shot in the next house because I don't want to admit myself to the hospital yet. I will think every song on the radio is about things that I have done wrong in my life. And this is all narrated by what I can only explain as a group of people who are in the back of my head that dont talk to me but about me not directly but as if you were sitting in a cafeteria and you were sitting at one table and they were sitting at a table somewhere behind you talking but close enough for you to hear their conversation. Thats how I hear the voices in my head like they talk about me from behind me in my head now they don't repeat what I think they have there own dialogues all 4 of them but they only talk about what I'm thinking about if I'm thinking about swimming they talk about me being fat in my swim suit or something along those lines they dont talk about cats if im thinking about swimming they only talk about what i think about but in different dialogues.thats what the basic just of what its like for me to be schizophrenic but all schizophrenia is different depending on the person but thats what mine is kinda like.
Here is a page out of my journal.
"Schizophrenia is awful and and being bi polar to boot" Sometimes I wonder why, to whatever power is out there,I would not call it god. Not in the since that many believe in. If that's what what you believe I'm not saying your wrong. I'm just saying we have a difference of opinion is all. But when reality and real life become fuzzy, and you get so depressed you cant get out of bed, because the voice's in your head do nothing but repeat what a bad person you've become and you no longer trust your boy friend of almost ten years.and you think your own children are out to get you it makes you start to wander what the purpose of this life we have here is. Or what we did wrong to deserve the punishment being bestowed upon us now. I often think of the things i hear when what I call am having an episode or I am sick i sometimes think what if those voices in my head are just a taste of whats waiting on the other side.
This is the just part of the things I think about. So many things run through your mind its hard to keep up with all the possibilities of why you think you hear what you hear."

[Skeezyks]

Hello Lora: I see this is your first post here on PC. So... to PsychCentral… from the Skeezyks! May the time you spend here be of benefit.

PsychCentral is a great place to get information as well as support for mental health issues. The more you post, & reply to other members’ posts, the more a part of the community you will become. Plus there are social groups you can join & chat rooms where you’ll be able to connect with other PC members in real time (once your first 5 posts have been reviewed & approved.) Lots of great stuff! So please keep posting!