[angelicwings]

hey there, it is nice to meet everyone. i'm margarida, and i have some questions related to some feelings and experiences i have, but would need some advice with? and i'm sorry if this isn't the correct place to describe how my symptoms work, i apologize. please let me know if it isn't, thank you!
first, i would like to explain more about my health:

i was diagnosed professionally with MDD, anxiety, Depersonalization-derealization, and ADHD. i appear to have a lot of borderline personality disorder traits, but i am not so sure, and would rather discuss said traits with my new psychiatrist. i am also on three different benzos, 1 mood stabilizer, 2 antipsychotics and methylphenidate. my current doctor is, hum. not properly a good one in my opinion, hence why i'm changing doctors.

now, i've experienced some symptoms when i was 14 years old that faded away when i started taking seroquel. about 6 to 7 months ago, i stopped taking seroquel, and these symptoms came back, but only way weirder. my friends asked me to get help for this and my current doctor previously diagnosed me with paranoid delusions. i keep:

- feeling weird smells. really intense, such as the seaside, gasoline, awful foul smells, and burning metal. i also sometimes
- feeling someone behind me, it feels so real. it's like there's literally someone behind me or watching me in my house all the time, i feel the presence. it feels like it's a man?
- sometimes, but extremely rarely, i see shadows of people around the place, and lately i see moving words when i write or see little lights that catch my attention
- it feels like my thoughts are super loud? it's like i can hear them, it hurts my ears. it's as if someone's describing them to me? i also keep hearing people speaking before i go to bed, usually just saying random words, such as "put the fire down" or "happy 4th anniversary" or... really confusing things that feel super loud. i cannot describe them, they're relly unclear. it's as if i'm hearing them through a phone. i also hear loud thuds and random knocks on the doors
- my thoughts have been super confusing lately, i am not sure of what is considered real or not anymore. i thought it was my DPDR but i am not sure anymore, because: sometimes i "feel" that i am not real, but some other times i "believe" that i am not real. it's as if it's all a simulation and only i know it. it's as if the people i talk with are robots, and they're going to cause me harm. i believe some strangers will rape me or beat me up if they make eye contact with me or come closer, and i feel the urge to run away
- sometimes i catch myself saying things that don't feel like "i" said them? it's like... it's as if i didn't even notice myself saying them. i go quiet all of the sudden, feel apathetic, and then the second later feel like dying. nothing i say feels like it makes much sense and it's being a huge struggle to write all of this text, especially since i am not a native english speaker. i forget everything i say or do, i forget my own train of thoughts, i repeat things. my behavior is super confusing and it feels like i'm not in control of myself. i don't know. sometimes i believe my doctor wants to drug me and destroy my brain, or i believe everyone is cheating on me or plotting to abandon me, and lately it feels really real.

i really appreciate everyone who takes their time to read this, i'm sorry if what i said sounds confusing, i am not really looking for a professional diagnosis, i just need to hear someone tell me what they think - is this early psychosis? is there any way i can to delay these feelings or make them less strong?

thank you, have a lovely day!

[Victoria'smom]

I'm currently dealing with confusion so bare with me. I would take this post to your dr. You seem paranoid. Your also having intrusive thoughts. As well as visual, olfactory and audio hallucinations. Why did you stop the seroquil?

I have a dog that I trust to tell me whether the hallucinations are actually there. If she's not barking at what I see or hear then I know it's not real. My paranoia is a bit harder I trust my dog to protect me. I use PC, a therapist and my husband to reality check. I use an Anti psychotic and a benzo PRN to calm down when I'm really paranoid.

[angelicwings]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

I'm currently dealing with confusion so bare with me. I would take this post to your dr. You seem paranoid. Your also having intrusive thoughts. As well as visual, olfactory and audio hallucinations. Why did you stop the seroquil?

I have a dog that I trust to tell me whether the hallucinations are actually there. If she's not barking at what I see or hear then I know it's not real. My paranoia is a bit harder I trust my dog to protect me. I use PC, a therapist and my husband to reality check. I use an Anti psychotic and a benzo PRN to calm down when I'm really paranoid.

thank you for this, i was also a bit confused about my "ideas" and feelings, and i felt a bit lonely. thank you for answering this post. i appreciate this.
i stopped quetiapine/seroquel because i was acting like a total zombie. all i did was sleep and drag myself 'round, completely sedated. so my doctor stopped me from taking seroquel. but now i regret stopping taking it.

thank you, once again. i also hope you feel better soon as well friend.

[hobo2000]

It sounds like psychosis to me. Mine started out the same way, and I slowly began to believe that a guy that I liked got someone to put cameras in my home to watch me. Psychosis is different for different people. Like Rachel Star on youtube, she has Schizophrenia hallucinations but is also high functioning

[12AM]

Yeah I experienced this too before I was put on meds and anytime I stopped them. If you find Seroquel is too sedating for you there are a lot of another anti-psychotics that might work better for you. I'd tell the psychiatrist to change Seroquel with something else.