[OliverB]

I didn't know where to post this since I have both CPTSD and schizophrenia.

I feel good about my future, yeah! I want to live, normally I have mild psychosis, but...

I get really bad emotional flashbacks that lasts hours, and they are not only emotional, I get really bad transient psychosis, voices telling me to flight (suicide) or fight (homicide). I lose a great part of my insight during these episodes, and I am afraid I will end up hurting myself. The suicidal urges are really really strong, demons try to control me and push me to kill myself.

I have been 3 times IP in the acute psych guard, the first time I was in the teen unit (I was 19) and the last 2 in the adult unit. The last two times were horrible... and unhelpful... I think this is not acute but a chronic issue

I live alone in a room (I can't afford renting a flat)... so if I lose all control I could easily end up dead...

...

I am taking amisulpride but it seems it doesn't help when I have a flashback episode... it just lower my diarly psychosis... I have tryied all atypical and some typical antipsychotics...and this is the only one I have found helpful....(except clozaril I haven't try)

I don't know what to do...

I am seriously considering residential treatment... I can't keep myself safe...

Triggering:

I had an horrible flashback, demons appered and wanted me to scape through the window, I refused, so they told me if I could bleed then I could kill them all (the abusers) and be safe, so I cut myself....

.....

I lost my inisght for a while.... now.. it looks crazy

[ofthevalley]

If you really feel that you can't keep yourself safe then maybe residential treatment would be for the best. You said it yourself, you want to live! be kind to yourself.

[franz kafka]

It sounds like residential treatment might be good for you, especially if you feel you can't keep safe. I'm sorry to hear you're suffering so much.

[junkDNA]

learn some grounding techniques for your emotional flashbacks

i have them too

i like to change the temperature, so if i am in my car (which is where a lot of my flashbacks occur)... so if its really hot ill blast the ac too much, if its cold, the heat. it makes me focus on the effect of the temp on my body

i also change the room i am in, like go outside.

stuff like that. theres a lot you could do, its just a matter of finding what is best for you

[*Laurie*]

I think residential treatment could be really helpful for you. I know a lot of people in residential treatment and they find it very good.

[OliverB]

Thank you, I would like to avoid residential treatment... I need to find something to do .... Maybe... There could be another way...

[Shoe]

I had a doctor tell me once that sometimes anger can be guilt turned outward. The same anger can also be turned inward resulting in self destructive thoughts and behaviors.
A lot of people that are victims of abuse sometimes feel guilty as if the abuse that they were exposed to was some how part their fault.
I recall one of the last scenes in the movie Goodwill Hunting where Robin Williams is telling Matt Damon " It's not your fault, It's not your fault"
There are some pretty good self compassion books out there.

[Shoe]

Here is a good talk on self compassion;

[OliverB]

I have this issue again, but I posted it somewhere else, if you have anyadvice, please....

https://forums.psychcentral.com/comp...ml#post5588450

[hobo2000]

Board and care or room and board my be a the appropriate option for you. It sounds like you need others to look out for you when you're having a bad episode.