Working with Schizoaffective Disorder

So, I have been diagnosed bipolar since I was in high school. I am now in my mid twenties, and was diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder about a year ago, (which was inevitable, because schizophrenia runs in my family.) Anyways, I have always had problems functioning in society. In elementary school I used to literally run out of school during the middle of the day and run home. In high school I would just never go to school. I got my associates degree ONLINE so I wouldn't have to actually go to school. I feel nervous in public, and have panic attacks all day. I feel like everyone is staring at me, or talking about me. When I get too worked up it gets my voices going, and I feel like everyone around me can hear them and that freaks me out more.

I have been employed on and off for the past 10 years. I have never kept a job longer than a year, and the only job I was able to keep for a year I was fired from. I just started a new job 3 weeks ago working as an auditor at a hotel. Last night, before I even left for work, I knew it was going to be a rough night. I was dreading it all day, and started having a panic attack 20 minutes before I had to leave. This triggered my voices, which were telling me that if I went to work I was going to die. I had my fiancé drive me to work, because I knew that if I drove myself I wouldn't go, I would just run away like I always do. But that didn't even work. I panicked the whole ride, and could not stop crying, and right before we were about to turn into the parking lot I started screaming at him to take me home.

So here I am, at home, hating myself because I did a no call no show on ANOTHER job, (this has to be the 20th time AT LEAST!) I haven't looked at my phone all day long because I don't want to read everyone's texts and voicemails asking me where I am and if I'm ok. What do I do? I have tried so many coping methods, NOTHING helps! And I've been going through this since I was 5 years old. It's physically exhausting me. Last week I slept a total of 25 hours in 2 days because I could not stay awake. I am currently on Latuda, Depakote, and Xanax as needed. I have tried a multitude of meds, (Prozac, Zoloft, seroquil, amiben, Ativan, lithium, etc.) but they only ever work temporarily. My tolerance builds up so quickly, and for this reason I've gotten physically addicted to Benzos before, and I am NOT willing to put myself through that again. HELP!!!!!

Have you considered disability? If you can't work it is an option.
I have a high tolerance to meds too. It sucks cuz I'm always on the max dose and for Latuda that means 2 different prescriptions and 2 different co pays.

Schizoaffective, PTSD, Anxiety

Have you considered zyprexa? Aside from the weight gain I really liked it.

Schizoaffective, PTSD, Anxiety

Older antipsychotics sometimes work when the newest fail...

Crazy, inside and aside

"Outwardly: dumbly, I shamble about, a thing that could never have been known as human, a
thing whose shape is so alien a travesty that humanity becomes more obscene for the vague resemblance."
I have no mouth and I must scream -Harlan Ellison-

I'm bipolar or sza as well but with social anxiety and gad. What you're describing sounds more like the anxiety is getting to you more than the psychosis. I'm not going to recommend a med so much as cbt therapy. It has really helped me. A lot of time there are underlying thoughts that cause us to build up to a panic state...cbt deals with those thoughts as well as changes behaviors like breathing that can also impact panic.

Yes, I also have anxiety disorder as well. That was my very first diagnosis when I was 5 years old. It's awful!!!! This is why I'm prescribed Xanax, but I don't want to depend on benzos to get my through work everyday. I did this before with school, and I ended up getting physically addicted to them without realizing it, and the withdrawal almost killed me.

My doctors and family always told me that I would probably eventually need to be on disability, but I really wanted to prove everyone wrong. I don't have a whole lot of support from my family, they've always just written me off as "crazy" and told me to take my pills, or they handed me off to other people before trying to talk to me and help me cope. But I am really considering disability now. It seems like the only option

Well, I'm here to tell you: I was howling SZA for 3 years, losing more and more of my possessions, my job, my financial reserves, and my mind, until I ended up babbling and homeless. That's what can happen to you if it gets really bad.

If you need to go on disability, do so. It's not much money, for most people, but it saved me from a wasted life. I now have a roof over my head, food in my microwave, and a few lucid hours a day when I can write (I am currently writing a sequel to my memoir). If your illness is kicking your butt, get the shrink to either change meds, up the dose, or provide documentation to get on disability.

I don't suffer from anxiety myself but my wife does.. and badly. When she's avoiding something I make her do it little by little. For example, if the store scares her we drive by the store a few times. The next time around we walk up to the front doors. The next time we walk into the store. The next down an aisle closest to the door... and so on and so on. While she's doing all this I'm with her and I help with techniques we have learned over the year to help her through these panic attacks. Some techniques that help her is breathing, breathe in slowly, hold for 3 seconds, then exhale slowly. Another one that helps her is concentrating on something other than the anxiety. I'll ask her to look around and tell me 4 things she sees around us. Then I'll have her identify 2 things she can hear. What does she smell (I have trouble reassuring her on this one because I can't smell ****). Etc...ect...ect... just something to get her mind off the anxiety is all I'm doing.

Sometimes the best thing to do is jump in feet first and experience the thing that's frightening you. Her doctor told her sometimes you just have to push through the anxiety to find out you can do it.

The most important part for her is that I'm there by her side in case she can't do it. Maybe you can get your fiance to walk you into work and stay the first half hour with you to help you through the hard part, which is at the beginning usually.

I'd hate to see you loose your job over this and I hope you can work through this to prove other people wrong. Best of luck.

These are good suggestions. I'd also recommend ACT - Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. I'm not sure if ACT is around where you are as it doesn't seem to be as ubiquitous as CBT, but there are lots of worksheets and YouTube videos about ACT principles. They might help with your anxiety. (I taught myself ACT without an ACT therapist so it can be done.)

Also I thought they could help with your job problem. I wondered if the job you're currently doing is the right fit for you? There are ACT worksheets that can help you identify your core values and goals that will bring you more in line with those values. Maybe if your job was a better fit, it wouldn't be so hard to attend? Idk...I'm just thinking out loud.

All the best

*Willow*