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Member Since Feb 2013
Location: Kansas
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#1
I've had a previous psychotic episode but I don't remember how it started. Does this sound like the beginning of one?? I have Bipolar w/ Psychotic Features
I'm starting to hear whispering and loud banging, it's driving me nuts. There is also a voice says bad things to me sometimes, not as often though. I'm also seeing shadows of people, sometimes a whole person in clothes and everything, move out of the corners of my eyes. I'll hear my mom come in the house and call my name, but when I come out of my room she's not home. I can't really sleep in the dark anymore because I feel like there is something there that's going to get me and I'm also seeing faces in the dark, scary ones. I'm scared to talk on the phone because I feel like the person I'm talking to can see me through the phone or if I say certain words the government is going to record my conversations and come after me. So I'm on eggshells when I finally do talk on the phone. I will find myself sitting in the same spot for hours, not talking or moving but I don't realize I've been sitting there so long until I kind of snap out of it. This has happened 3 times so far. I keep forgetting the words I want to use so I just say .. "thing" instead. Like "Hey can you bring me that (pause for a while) thing over there?" So it's like my mind is moving very slowly. I also have little to no emotions, it's weird .. like I can't express myself when I speak. I get nervous that people are watching me through the webcam on my computer. I'm going to bring this up to my doctor at my next appointment in August. I'm afraid of being hospitalized though. I'm terrified of being locked away and I fear that my family will just leave me in there. I'm currently on 5 different medications for my symptoms, and I've been hearing the voice/whispering for months now. I rarely leave the house, I'm starting to isolate myself more and more. I hate being out in public because I feel like everybody is staring at me. It's weird to explain, but I'm getting really stressed out because of all this. I can't hold down a job and that makes my mom mad. I just recently told her what's going on and she is being a little more understanding. |
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since May 2013
Location: Chicago
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#2
This does sound like the beginning of one I have bipolar with psychotic features as well and mine begin with knocking noises and progress to voices. If you can call your doc before your appointment they might be able to modify your meds sooner and nip this thing in the bud.
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sonjaward809
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Member Since Feb 2013
Location: Kansas
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#3
Thanks for the reply! I have an appointment soon and I will be sure to tell my doctor what's going on. It's really stressing me out to have these .. issues and I don't want to be hospitalized. Hopefully they just stick to adjusting my medications.
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Member Since May 2017
Location: earth
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#4
Yes, it sounds like you have awareness and insight of this so please get help before it becomes more difficult to discern between these events.
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sonjaward809
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Member Since Jun 2017
Location: Kansas
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#5
I'm sorry to hear your feeling this way! It sounds like a case of psychosis to me. I lived in psychosis for 2 years however, I thought everything I was seeing and hearing was real, it took my husband and parents to help me understand I was living in an altered reality. I am so thankful I found a great pdoc who has helped me very much with medication management. I still have break through on occasion but it's less frequent now. Just last night I swore the stars were drones surrounding me, I still think my neighbors watch me, but the Feds have been wiped away with the meds! Glad your going to the doctor!
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