Roll Call 95~

She throws her phone a lot tho. Like at the wall and on the ground. This thing isnt gonna last

I regret taking my meds

Don't. No reason to regret them.

Philosophy isn't practical. You need to be a master at it to even get lucky enough to get a job as a professor of philosophy. It's possible, but know there are many others trying for it and it's not like you can use a philosophy degree to teach it at the high school level. If I were to do it over, I would have gotten an education degree because more jobs are there. I would have gone for English and History and then would have tried to take on a high school philosophy course.

Computer support is way more practical. I see jobs for those on craigslist all the time. I don't know how much they pay though. You love technology and if you can mold ONE of your passions into a career I tip my hat to you. What kind of place would you like to work at?

I hate to say it but i do. Im tempted to try to throw them up

Please don't do that

Thanks

Idk. Best buy. Who knows. I have no clue. My passion is deep thinking and writing but idc if i never get a job with philosophy. But I understand its not practical. Ill stick to with computer support i guess. Just to have a degree i guess.

My depression leads to drinking leads to being more depressed leads to more drinking leads to me being a terrible person

I couldnt if i tried anyway. Seems like pills are too heavy to come up.

You arent terrible. Maybe you are just troubled

I'm terrible I'm a liar and a coward. I can never be honest with anyone 100% not even my doctor.

Good for you for being on top of something so drastically important! Seriously. Your doing a good job fighting schizophrenia, doing the almost impossible.

Don't do that please. You are prescribed meds for a reason. You need them. When you skip them you end up scared and paranoid not to mention psychosis. Why would you rather feel that way?

Pretty picture Junkdna.

That's not a terrible person. It's human.

No, but i feel absolutely numb and dead right now. Prob cuz my ex contacted me.

Loneliness has a certain power to it that can make one transform into something hard otherwise to achieve. Many people, with the power of loneliness, have been able to forge their steel.

Future so bright you're going to need shades. all right, all right, all right.

Going to take my meds and get ready for bed I guess. Have a good night.

Theres got to be something better than feeling numb and dead inside

I think you are right. I had a deep seeded insecurity as a child from being held back in the first grade. That really unsettled me and I do think I compensated for it. Very insightful, Junkdna. You've got your eye peeled now so you see the clown before he goes on stage.

Probably. That's a spin on the emotions. Just when you're feeling better about it he pops out of the woodwork. it'll get easier.

Life sucks.

It reminds me of that song Shimmer by Fuel. Its a 90s grunge/alt song.

"She calls me from the cold,
Just when i was low,
Feeling short of stable..."

gory gory what a hellofa way to die.