[Xyz.megan]

So lately I've been writing down what am thinking, how I feel, and etc.
In my opinion, its a bad idea for me to write and draw what i think and see, because everything is so vivid, it doesn't frighten me, but the words and images never leave. But feel free to tell me what you think

What Is Normal?
They’re always saying am not acting normal, yet I do not want to act or be normal. I do not understand why they would want me to be “standard” or “typical”. We are all different with different emotions. Yet they do not understand my thought process, barely for me as well. I am not “crazy” am just different than what is “normal” I think. It can be confusing at times. It is hard to trust them, but of how I’ve observe them, I cannot trust people, nor do I interact with them, unless of course… I have to.
I do not see a need for “family”, all I’ve seen out of “family” is that they use one another and talk about each other behind closed doors. Constantly spying and judging them, when they have no right to judge someone other than themselves. I do not see a need for “relationships”, the partners just use each other, if one were to ask for something or a favor. The person requesting something feels as if it is expected that the person give them whatever they want. I do not understand that sense of entitlement, that one must give you want you want. And if you refuse it’s a barrage of talking patterns, leaving most feeling paranoid. Apparently people care if another talks about them, I do not see why people care so much. Reveal some simple unfound knowledge and the person immediately takes the knee and falls back into the cycle of entitlement.
SPONTANEOUS REACTING
We are very different from everybody else, and they do not/ cannot accept that. But we have learned not to care anymore, we cannot continue to attempt and change ourselves to something we are not, just because that is what they want. We have listened to nature and the silent sounds of our surroundings, we can somewhat “understand” them and why they do certain
Our mind is quiet. They are calmed by the rain and classical music.

Mother Nature
I can hear Mother Nature during all the rain this week. I love it when it rains, thunders, and lightning. I find natural disasters calming, others do not. They do not see the real purpose behind natural disasters. All they see are the belongings and sometimes people that they have lost. They are filled with a slight rage towards it, because of what nature can do. But if you open your mind, beyond what you’re used to, you can understand why nature can be destructive, yet calming to see. Mother nature (I do not like assuming genders, despite “mother”) The rain is to cleanse what Mother Nature does not like, or at least I think that’s why (sometimes Mother Nature can be unclear, especially when its raining) If the rain is to take lives as well, that is how it is. Mother Nature cleans the dirty and brings a new beginning for everything natural, or somewhat natural (houses do not count) Its like taking a shower, every now and then you need to take a shower. And sometimes you need to take a even better shower than what you’ve been taking or clean a little more thoroughly. Well that’s how Mother Nature is right now, or awfully close, Mother Nature will bring a new beginning so everything can grow and start again, until it all becomes dirty again.

SHE IS QUIET, RIGHT NOW
We are not supposed to mention her name, because it can wake her up. She is supposed to keep our anger calmed. But recently she’s lost some of her control on it, we had to drown her out, to keep our entire sanity together. Although we do not know how to keep her calm, we know she’s in pain and feels anger and hatred, but we do not know how to keep her calm. She’s not very trusting, or honestly none of us are very trusting of people, they are too manipulative. Everybody around us, annoys her. And even if we were to ignore them, their voices still come to taunt us. Since she is sleeping, we are not in as much pain as we used to be. She did leave some undesired effects however. We constantly blink with irregular “force”, and in turn she leaves her trace on us. Sometimes we are in constant anger, sometimes we have constant pain for things we let linger, sometimes we constantly happy for no reason, but it still hurts us.
We are in constant pain, but we endure ( I think)

Am sorry that its so long, but its over the course of several days.

[Shoe]

Thank you for sharing your perspective Christina. Being able to put into words what we are really feeling and thinking can be very therapeutic. At one time it was called the talking cure. Also, art therapy is about expressing our emotions through art if we are having difficulty talking about them.