[Timeisnotlinear]

Hi, so this is my first post. I'm not new here per say, but I haven't felt the need to post until now.

Lately I have been going crazy it seems like. I am diagnosed with C-PTSD, AvPD, and depression, but more than anything I really think I'm developing schizophrenia or something. I'm literally going crazy but the worst part is, it's like I'm aware of it in a sense but it just SO REAL. These emotions are just so real and I'm only posting here because I need to know there's at least one other person out there who might understand..
My family doesn't get it, and as time goes on they are getting more and more angry at me for doing the things I am, but I can't just stop like they say in frustration. These feelings and thoughts are 200% real to me at the time and no matter how hard I try, it's like there's nothing else more real in the world. I'll say what exactly is going on but I need to put a disclaimer out there that I SHOULD KNOW BETTER. I majored in psychology and have a huge interest in all things neuro related. I have even done NLP courses and practiced Hypnosis Therapy and so I understand immensely the power of our minds and the ability we truly have over them. "If you don't control your mind, someone else will". So a large part here is the fact that I've suddenly apparently lost any ability to just "snap out of it" or "think of something else". I genuinely feel this anxiety at times SO strongly and NOTHING I have done or know to do from the past does anything. I'm so upset with myself. So mad at myself and my mind. But I swear, lately I've been going through the craziest stuff that leads to the worst anxiety.

I just need some advice, some help. Are these symptoms part of my PTSD, Brain injury, or am I really just developing a kind of schizophrenia? Here's a breakdown of exactly what Im going through. This is real stuff!! At times I find myself wishing I could make this up and not actually have to experience the emotion.


°I've been hearing things lately. Voices. And they usually just whisper my name. It's a males voice very silently like someone was in another room and whispering just loud enough to catch the tonal patterns and random words like my name or even threats. Other times I hear full on conversations even when I'm home alone. And the scariest part is these conversations actually make sense. I can't make out the whole thing but it will be two people talking in hushed voices usually pretty tense. At the risk of sounding absolutely insane, sometimes I hear them talking about me. I'm not kidding. I know how dumb this sounds but they will say things like "do you see her sitting there? Look at... (inaudible)" the other voice will respond back and I legitimately hear a conversation. It makes me want to run because even when I have music playing or I put on loud TV I can STILL hear these voices. Or just the tones of someone whispering literally in my head VS in front of me in the room.. I know that this makes me legally insane. I don't want to admit this but it's gotten so real that I need to speak out about it.

°I see things as well. Shadows out of the corner of my eye and sometimes I actually see things like ceiling tiles move but when I get closer, they didn't. I'm beyond feeling like I'm insane but, like, I SAW IT!!!! and usually after inspection, I'm finding I didn't see correctly. So why do I feel like I so strongly did??? I don't want to question my reality to this extent and moreover, my own mind.

°okay and this is the last one I will put on here because I think I'm already sounding like a real psycho, but I will get these fears. And they will be so very valid in my head at the time. So valid that I CANNOT EVEN DO anything else. I get frozen. And sometimes there will be whole days where I am by definition frozen in fear. I can't move, I can't think, I can't rationalize, can't do anything but contemplate this fear and telling myself "this isnt Logical" doesn't cut it anymore. I know none of this is logical but the EMOTIONS are beyond anything I've ever felt. They are so real and I suppose I'm just letting them run my mind. But I'm going crazy it seems like ever since I got my brain injury and developed C-PTSD. But some of this is more than just PTSD triggering and avoidance. This is thoughts coming into my head, creating my reality that paralyzes growth in every way.

But I am not able to stop.
I don't do drugs, I don't drink.
I get relative amount of sleep, some insomnia due to PTSD but generally about 6 hours a night.
I don't have support from friends or family they all think I should be getting better and are disgusted more than anything that I'm getting exponentially worse.

Please I know this is a long post but I just need some advice. I see a counselor so I get that, but does anyone know what this is like?? The debilitating fear? I have a life to live and this is controlling me even though im so aware that I have the power. But just that isn't enough anymore

[Sometimes psychotic]

My understanding is cpstd can have hallucinations.....so I think this is part of your already diagnosed illness. It doesn't sound like you have delusions so I doubt it's sz.

[Biteplate]

Originally Posted by Sometimes psychotic

My understanding is cpstd can have hallucinations.....so I think this is part of your already diagnosed illness. It doesn't sound like you have delusions so I doubt it's sz.

I was thinking the same. If you were diagnosed with c-ptsd it can come with hallucinations.

[junkDNA]

I have psychosis bc of my cptsd