[MtnTime2896]

How can these people not be real? How can this just be schizophrenia?

I was told these people were real. I was told that they helped me. I was told by them that they were real. I was told by others that they were indeed real.

How is that all just a lie? How are they just a product of my brain not being right?

[MtnTime2896]

Tonight's bad. I'm alone at night for the first time in... I don't know how long.

Could be more PTSD related, but I don't feel safe. I'm tired but can't sleep. I keep hearing things and having this problem with my hands. It's as if they aren't mine and are waiting idle to hurt me, or hurt someone else. I'm rationalizing and arguing against it but it doesn't seem to matter.

I hate this.

If you can't make it tonight, you should go to the ER. This seems really bad. If you can make it I'd set an appointment up tomorrow to seek help from your psychiatrist and then your psychologist/therapist.

Have you been taking your meds? You might just need a med increase. Your pdoc might make it as easy as a call and up your dosage a bit.

Don't be afraid to lean on family and friends right now. Ask them to do reality checks for you if you need help! Other people anchor us in reality when our symptoms arise.

((hugs))

[MtnTime2896]

I can't go to the ER. I just stayed with my friend and helped her to get admitted into IP. Her and her family need me to be strong for them.

Being honest, I haven't done a good job taking my meds. They make me sleep so much and I've been needing to stay awake to take care of everything.

I do have an appointment with my T tomorrow and an appointment with my pdoc on Thursday. I just gotta hold on until then.

Maybe I should take my meds tonight. But I gotta be able to wake up.

There's someone outside who keeps rhythmically hitting the door. And there are other things. It can't be real, the dog isn't barking. That's how I know it's not, but I'm still scared.

[MtnTime2896]

I'm distracting myself with TV. Hopefully I'll fall asleep soon. Thanks Day Tripper.

Some meds don't make you tired like Abilify, that perks people up. A lot of AP's are sedating and should be taken at night, that way you sleep through the sedation. It seems to me that you're trying to juggle being supportive for everyone with your health, but i would argue that your health is a necessary precondition for you to be supportive. Are you missing work, and that is the reason your worried about sleeping in? That's a big problem, and you should get your med adjusted. I had the same problem, i totally understand. Plus, i know what it is to drive in the morning while trying to keep your eyes open from meds. It's not safe. Can you take your meds earlier in the day around 6pm, that way they have more time to travel in your system before you wake up the next morning?

With this illness, meds are the most important aspect of treatment. Long and mid range, nothing else will help like meds.

May i ask what AP you are on?

If you need to relax, and need aid in sleep, you can always take 25mgs of Benadryl. It helps with anxiety and it's what i use as a seep aid every night. It's safe.

[MtnTime2896]

I technically don't work, but I try to do odd jobs when I can and also have a lot of appointments to make. I've thought of taking the olanzapine earlier but then I'd miss seeing my fiance entirely since he's always on night shifts at his job. We don't live together, so I try to see him as much as possible. I'm on 15mg of that AP and I'm not on anything else. I was on Bupropion which helped the depression but made my anxiety worse and almost made the AP completely irrelevant because my hallucinations and delusional thoughts got worse.

It's morning now and things are a little less scary. Not that everything's all gone but my anxiety and stuff is really minor. I'll try Benadryl tonight if things get bad, again. Last night was difficult. Thanks for being here and talking to me. It helps.