Roll Call: 146

Desoxyn · Apr 23, 2019 at 02:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by junkDNA

you don't CHOOSE to have an eating disorder

Sorry I meant choosing to not eat. My apologies

ofthevalley · Apr 23, 2019 at 03:14 PM

Hey guys. Boring day. Worked, slept, watched tv, yada yada.
Finally made my dogs vet appt. tomorrow. Poor guy. He does not care for those little exam rooms.
He’s got some quirks...doesn’t like small spaces, water, cats, or too much touching/hugs from anyone but me.

12AM · Apr 23, 2019 at 03:24 PM

I really really regret seeing my dad’s family again last November. They insulted and gas lighted me again, trying to make me blame my mom for the family problems while in fact they’re the rotten ones. For a few hours after meeting them I was in confusion thinking what if they were right. I’m so prone to manipulation, manipulation attracks me like flowers to bees. It’s so easy to manipulate me and some people did that to me for their own pleasure like I’m some kind of puppet. My symptoms went worse after I met them. Flashbacks everyday, at least the emotional one, I get irritable easily and I feel like I’m consumed by negativity. I lost myself. This negative person is not who I really am. Took me over than 10 years to heal from their abusive behavior why did I ruined that and meeting them again?! But hopefully this time the recovery won’t take that long as I’m more acknowledged in mental illness.

12AM · Apr 23, 2019 at 03:34 PM

I’m not sleepy despite the 3 hours sleep last night. Lucky I have cinnamon bread and chocolate ice cream. I bought a lot of food after I went to the Pdoc.

Loial · Apr 23, 2019 at 03:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Desoxyn

Possible trigger:

I'm being completely serious but my motivation isn't. I've had a low grade eating disorder for years but never went through with it. I was anorexic because of stimulants and felt good. I don't care if I die. I'm not going to live long because of my heart. I will do anything self destructive like jump off a cliff. I have no fear. I'm a burden to my family and society I should just die. The way that it happens doesn't matter to me. My family needs to put their feelings aside and find a way for me to do it properly

But whatever.. I suppose I'll live anyways and be a burden which is painful at the least. Living might be the most selfish thing I can do.

As an aside I took a boat load of stimulants too in my time and I worry about my heart but all has been fine thus far. I think the human body is remarkably resilient in many ways... don’t count yourself out. I know health anxiety would tell yourself otherwise but don’t assume...

Loial · Apr 23, 2019 at 03:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 12AM

I really really regret seeing my dad’s family again last November. They insulted and gas lighted me again, trying to make me blame my mom for the family problems while in fact they’re the rotten ones. For a few hours after meeting them I was in confusion thinking what if they were right. I’m so prone to manipulation, manipulation attracks me like flowers to bees. It’s so easy to manipulate me and some people did that to me for their own pleasure like I’m some kind of puppet. My symptoms went worse after I met them. Flashbacks everyday, at least the emotional one, I get irritable easily and I feel like I’m consumed by negativity. I lost myself. This negative person is not who I really am. Took me over than 10 years to heal from their abusive behavior why did I ruined that and meeting them again?! But hopefully this time the recovery won’t take that long as I’m more acknowledged in mental illness.

I’m sorry, you deserve better than that. I hope things get better soon.

ofthevalley · Apr 23, 2019 at 04:15 PM

I’m in a weird place right now.
When my parents died there wasn’t much. I got personal effects from my dad. We already co-owned the house when my mom died so we got that and some life insurance.
Well now my FIL is gone and he has substantially more.
My husband and I were talking and were still not quite sure how much exactly there is. He has mutual funds, stocks, iras, several small life insurance policies, etc. but in reality we don’t “need” it. We’re surviving on our own. We do know what the house is worth and what he has in the bank and...Like we’re going to be able to put each of the kids through 4 years of college without student loans. Providing they don’t go to Harvard lol.
I don’t know how to feel. Thankful? Relieved? Grateful? Gold diggerish? Kinda feel like we’re benefiting off blood money.
When my mom died it took me a year to move here. I used my insurance proceeds to pay off the small mortgage she had on the house. Then bought myself a killer laptop lol. That was my big splurge. I feel bad spending death money. My sister on the other hand blew through almost 200k in about a year. Cruises, cars, drugs, etc.

Sometimes psychotic · Apr 23, 2019 at 04:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ofthevalley

I’m in a weird place right now.
When my parents died there wasn’t much. I got personal effects from my dad. We already co-owned the house when my mom died so we got that and some life insurance.
Well now my FIL is gone and he has substantially more.
My husband and I were talking and were still not quite sure how much exactly there is. He has mutual funds, stocks, iras, several small life insurance policies, etc. but in reality we don’t “need” it. We’re surviving on our own. We do know what the house is worth and what he has in the bank and...Like we’re going to be able to put each of the kids through 4 years of college without student loans. Providing they don’t go to Harvard lol.
I don’t know how to feel. Thankful? Relieved? Grateful? Gold diggerish? Kinda feel like we’re benefiting off blood money.
When my mom died it took me a year to move here. I used my insurance proceeds to pay off the small mortgage she had on the house. Then bought myself a killer laptop lol. That was my big splurge. I feel bad spending death money. My sister on the other hand blew through almost 200k in about a year. Cruises, cars, drugs, etc.

I’m sure he would have wanted it spent on the kids college that sounds like an excellent plan...he would have wanted to make your lives easier...

newtus · Apr 23, 2019 at 05:10 PM

My mom agreed to give fiance and i 100 dollars to spend at comic con.

Apr 23, 2019 at 06:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

Yeah, I think it's worth it but the ED part of my mind gets scared about the gaining. I guess the best thing I can do is accept that I need the meds, be mindful of what I eat and get exercise. I need to be more realistic about the fact that I am stable and that may mean some more lbs but it's okay and isn't the end of the world or make me a bad person

Maybe you could try a different med like trazadone. Also, Geodon is another ap that tires people. Another interesting idea I think, is that you could rotate your sleep meds. FOr instance, try something for a month, then do a different med for a month, then go back to the other again, ad infinitum. That way your tolerance has a month to rebalance itself.

Apr 23, 2019 at 06:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 12AM

I really really regret seeing my dad’s family again last November...

There's a saying that makes more sense the more I live. "Hell is other people." I show an oz of weakness and people begin to turn on me so I just suffer alone.

Blue_Bird · Apr 23, 2019 at 06:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Day Tripper

Maybe you could try a different med like trazadone. Also, Geodon is another ap that tires people. Another interesting idea I think, is that you could rotate your sleep meds. FOr instance, try something for a month, then do a different med for a month, then go back to the other again, ad infinitum. That way your tolerance has a month to rebalance itself.

I'm just gonna stay on the seroquel, I tolerate it well. I tried trazadone before it, it doesn't help and actually made things worse, had really bad experience with it

Apr 23, 2019 at 07:00 PM

day two of half my Geodon dose. I pray to god that my pdoc calls in y Geodon. The office says wait 3 business days. This is completely my fault, but its understandable because in my Geodon bottle there were those antimoisture packets, and I didn't see how many capsules were in there. This is the first time I have made this mistake. :-/

Sometimes psychotic · Apr 23, 2019 at 07:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Day Tripper

day two of half my Geodon dose. I pray to god that my pdoc calls in y Geodon. The office says wait 3 business days. This is completely my fault, but its understandable because in my Geodon bottle there were those antimoisture packets, and I didn't see how many capsules were in there. This is the first time I have made this mistake. :-/

Oh no! Yeah hopefully the doc can help you tonight.

Apr 23, 2019 at 07:43 PM

Saw a "worst jobs" post on facebook, and it had I think 25 listed... Painting and drywall was number 10. lol fml

newtus · Apr 23, 2019 at 08:22 PM

I just ate a burger and onion rings. I feel disgusting.

My mom has ramped up my eating disorder. Ive been walking and restricting more. Just ate this and i feel like shyt.

Im not the type to throw up cuz i hate my body, im more of a restricter.

Nah i dont need to get back into that. I need to keep my head straight. I really need to restrrict a bit tho cuz i overeat a lil too much. I just dont need to take it to extremes.

Sometimes psychotic · Apr 23, 2019 at 09:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by newtus

I just ate a burger and onion rings. I feel disgusting.

My mom has ramped up my eating disorder. Ive been walking and restricting more. Just ate this and i feel like shyt.

Im not the type to throw up cuz i hate my body, im more of a restricter.

Nah i dont need to get back into that. I need to keep my head straight. I really need to restrrict a bit tho cuz i overeat a lil too much. I just dont need to take it to extremes.

Why not focus on health? Walking is healthy, eating burgers is ok occasionally but not all the time, etc.

newtus · Apr 23, 2019 at 09:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sometimes psychotic

Why not focus on health? Walking is healthy, eating burgers is ok occasionally but not all the time, etc.

I suppose. Yea we dont order out a lot but i still feel really disgusting about it.

Sometimes psychotic · Apr 23, 2019 at 09:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by newtus

I suppose. Yea we dont order out a lot but i still feel really disgusting about it.

Try to see it as a special occasion or treat.....

Desoxyn · Apr 24, 2019 at 01:01 AM

Possible trigger:

JunkDNA cant claim that I dont have an eating disorder. It's a slight eating disorder. I dont know what got your panties in a bunch.

You barely post and then attack me. Stop harassing me and f off from me.

You dont even bother to help but say my fear is life. I've been suicidal for days now.

If you got triggered, not my fault I put that in a trigger for a reason. Doesnt mean you get to attack me and say my situation is dumb. Because it's much more than that.

You dont even put what you're saying in triggers. You just dont care about me at all so f off.

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ofthevalley Legendary Member Since Feb 2015 Location: USA Posts: 11,326 (SuperPoster!) 9 499 hugs given	Apr 23, 2019 at 03:14 PM #862 Hey guys. Boring day. Worked, slept, watched tv, yada yada. Finally made my dogs vet appt. tomorrow. Poor guy. He does not care for those little exam rooms. He’s got some quirks...doesn’t like small spaces, water, cats, or too much touching/hugs from anyone but me. __________________ Schizoaffective, PTSD, Anxiety
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12AM Seeker of Life Member Since Oct 2015 Location: Silver Town of Argyra Posts: 4,786 8 5,508 hugs given	Apr 23, 2019 at 03:34 PM #864 I’m not sleepy despite the 3 hours sleep last night. Lucky I have cinnamon bread and chocolate ice cream. I bought a lot of food after I went to the Pdoc. __________________ One day I’ll leave my 6 flowers and millions of butterflies 🌹🦋
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newtus The Dopamine Flux Member Since Jun 2010 Location: Ardenweald Posts: 43,644 (SuperPoster!) 13 867 hugs given	Apr 23, 2019 at 05:10 PM #869 My mom agreed to give fiance and i 100 dollars to spend at comic con. __________________ "We're all born to broken people on their most honest day of living" The Dopamine Flux www.thedopamineflux.com Youtube channel https://www.youtube.com/user/MozePrayIII
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Anonymous40796 Guest Posts: n/a	Apr 23, 2019 at 07:00 PM #873 day two of half my Geodon dose. I pray to god that my pdoc calls in y Geodon. The office says wait 3 business days. This is completely my fault, but its understandable because in my Geodon bottle there were those antimoisture packets, and I didn't see how many capsules were in there. This is the first time I have made this mistake. :-/
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Anonymous40796 Guest Posts: n/a	Apr 23, 2019 at 07:43 PM #875 Saw a "worst jobs" post on facebook, and it had I think 25 listed... Painting and drywall was number 10. lol fml
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