Roll Call 147

Desoxyn · Apr 28, 2019 at 12:14 AM

Possible trigger:

I looked at my arm and there's a cigarette burn.. I burned myself on purpose a few days ago cuz I was stressed

Desoxyn · Apr 28, 2019 at 12:28 AM

I can't believe I had a panic attack. Idk what is wrong with me or my environment.

I'm going to ask my therapist and talk about what causes my panic attacks because I have no idea. Two energy drinks? But why the panic?

It doesn't make sense to me. I have a perfect life now. Everyone in my life is happy. I'd be happy if it wasn't for these panic attacks..

I feel like if my panic attacks can be taken away, I'd be content with life. But maybe there's something wrong with my life. Like I'm not doing the right thing.

And "What am I doing?" has been the theme of this panic attack. I remember when I was a kid, after I got negative symptoms and isolated myself, one kid was like "What do you even do all day?" And mostly I was sleeping and playing xbox constantly. I made good friends on the xbox. It made me feel really bad about myself. I didn't like half of my friends because they were sociopaths. Some of my best friends though were sociopaths so idk..

My dad says "What are you doing?". Everyone does. I don't know what I'm doing. What am I supposed to be doing? Maybe my therapist can give me an answer.. I take college courses, I will get another job, biking, hiking, hanging out with people, listening to podcasts, netflix.. tv.. idk.. i try to DO THESE THINGS but I still don't know what I'm doing because I look at the bigger picture always..

Desoxyn · Apr 28, 2019 at 12:30 AM

Are these valid reasons for having panic attacks?

It's like when I panic, I'm not able to take in information, repeat the thoughts that I focus on and then feel like all I'm doing is muscle memory with fear of people finding out that I'm panicking..

DOING THINGS

Then at the peak of the panic, I completely fear and think to myself, "Am I .. psychotic???"

Erti · Apr 28, 2019 at 12:47 AM

I know when my ex had panic attacks he's panicking about the future and wondering "is this going to get me where and what i want in life... am i wasting my life." it's pretty common with those with anxiety. either thinking of the past or thinking of the future... never in the now. try taking it a day at a time. make small goal that help you achieve those big goals. sometimes those goals may be self care such as hygiene and small chores. then make time to focus on studying a little bit each time for school a day so you're not cramming on studying and homework in one day.

falcon09 · Apr 28, 2019 at 04:14 AM

Back from church, it's 4am now. Not sure if I can sleep, I feel wide awake.

Took my Geodon though, that's probably gonna knock me out

Blue_Bird · Apr 28, 2019 at 05:03 AM

Good morning, forced myself to go to sleep last night even though I didn't feel like it, I know it's important and I'm a mess when I don't get good sleep

Blue_Bird · Apr 28, 2019 at 05:04 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by falcon09

Back from church, it's 4am now. Not sure if I can sleep, I feel wide awake.

Took my Geodon though, that's probably gonna knock me out

How was your church service?

Blue_Bird · Apr 28, 2019 at 06:34 AM

Practicing Italian

newtus · Apr 28, 2019 at 06:37 AM

Morning

Woke up early i think cuz i slept til 1:30pm yesterday.

Could barely sleep all night tho. Kept waking up.

newtus · Apr 28, 2019 at 07:45 AM

I feel so depressed

Blue_Bird · Apr 28, 2019 at 07:58 AM

So exhausted. Was wide awake but after my morning meds Im really tired

newtus · Apr 28, 2019 at 08:06 AM

I just want to go away

newtus · Apr 28, 2019 at 08:19 AM

Idk what to do anymore

Im beyond depressed

I cry everyday. Im unhappy. Im told to fix myself first and find inner happiness and not expect to rely on my fiance. But im just so sad.

Possible trigger:

i feel sui. I honestly prob wont do anything but im just tired. I rarely have good days. Im usually in a low mood all day, everyday. I feel like nothing will change. Its been like this my whole life. Ive been depressed since i was 13. It got worse when i got psychotic. And it just keeps getting worse, past 3-4 years.

Absolutely nothing makes me happy anymore. Absolutely nothing. I prob pushed bf to engage me because i thought id be happy but im not. Nothing changes.

Im scared.

ofthevalley · Apr 28, 2019 at 08:19 AM

Morning!! Happy Sunday!!
Drinking coffee trying to wake up. I have to go to the store. I’m out of cigarettes ugh. My husband left them in Scotty’s truck.
Nothing going on today. It’s still kinda cold out and it’s supposed to rain.

Sometimes psychotic · Apr 28, 2019 at 08:44 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Desoxyn

I can't believe I had a panic attack. Idk what is wrong with me or my environment.

I'm going to ask my therapist and talk about what causes my panic attacks because I have no idea. Two energy drinks? But why the panic?

It doesn't make sense to me. I have a perfect life now. Everyone in my life is happy. I'd be happy if it wasn't for these panic attacks..

I feel like if my panic attacks can be taken away, I'd be content with life. But maybe there's something wrong with my life. Like I'm not doing the right thing.

And "What am I doing?" has been the theme of this panic attack. I remember when I was a kid, after I got negative symptoms and isolated myself, one kid was like "What do you even do all day?" And mostly I was sleeping and playing xbox constantly. I made good friends on the xbox. It made me feel really bad about myself. I didn't like half of my friends because they were sociopaths. Some of my best friends though were sociopaths so idk..

My dad says "What are you doing?". Everyone does. I don't know what I'm doing. What am I supposed to be doing? Maybe my therapist can give me an answer.. I take college courses, I will get another job, biking, hiking, hanging out with people, listening to podcasts, netflix.. tv.. idk.. i try to DO THESE THINGS but I still don't know what I'm doing because I look at the bigger picture always..

I get anxiety and puking from one coffee, I can only imagine what two energy drinks would do.

Sometimes psychotic · Apr 28, 2019 at 08:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by newtus

Idk what to do anymore

Im beyond depressed

I cry everyday. Im unhappy. Im told to fix myself first and find inner happiness and not expect to rely on my fiance. But im just so sad.

Possible trigger:

i feel sui. I honestly prob wont do anything but im just tired. I rarely have good days. Im usually in a low mood all day, everyday. I feel like nothing will change. Its been like this my whole life. Ive been depressed since i was 13. It got worse when i got psychotic. And it just keeps getting worse, past 3-4 years.

Absolutely nothing makes me happy anymore. Absolutely nothing. I prob pushed bf to engage me because i thought id be happy but im not. Nothing changes.

Im scared.

If you’re depressed you need to contact the pdoc....you may want to get on an atypical AP they balance moods better than say haldol. You may also need some other kind of mood stabilizer. You’ve tried it the natural way, clearly it’s not working for you.

newtus · Apr 28, 2019 at 08:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sometimes psychotic

If you’re depressed you need to contact the pdoc....you may want to get on an atypical AP they balance moods better than say haldol. You may also need some other kind of mood stabilizer. You’ve tried it the natural way, clearly it’s not working for you.

I see the pdoc on the 6th. I will tell her to put me on something different. We talked about geodon already.

Angelique67 · Apr 28, 2019 at 08:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

Could they give you some benadryl

I have some in my locked drawer. I hope they don't do any searches anytime soon.

Angelique67 · Apr 28, 2019 at 08:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Erti

That's great

Everything has hit me all at once since i've been out the hospital a couple days ago. not sure if i feel like going into a lot of details but i'm miserable.

I'm really sorry. I hope you'll feel a lot better soon.

ofthevalley · Apr 28, 2019 at 09:04 AM

@newts I think talking to the doc again is a good idea.
I know you said you can’t but I have found that having a job gives me purpose during my downtime. It keeps my mind occupied and I don’t have a chance to dwell.
You are a dweller like me. You absolutely have to find something to do with your time. Otherwise it’s going to envelope you and you’re not going to see a way out. Been there.

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Roll Call 147

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Desoxyn Metaphysic Member Since Aug 2016 Location: The Netherlands Posts: 12,987 (SuperPoster!) 7 4,912 hugs given	Apr 28, 2019 at 12:14 AM #81 Possible trigger: I looked at my arm and there's a cigarette burn.. I burned myself on purpose a few days ago cuz I was stressed
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Desoxyn Metaphysic Member Since Aug 2016 Location: The Netherlands Posts: 12,987 (SuperPoster!) 7 4,912 hugs given	Apr 28, 2019 at 12:30 AM #83 Are these valid reasons for having panic attacks? It's like when I panic, I'm not able to take in information, repeat the thoughts that I focus on and then feel like all I'm doing is muscle memory with fear of people finding out that I'm panicking.. DOING THINGS Then at the peak of the panic, I completely fear and think to myself, "Am I .. psychotic???"
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falcon09 Grand Magnate Member Since Feb 2015 Location: United States Posts: 3,018 9 1,867 hugs given	Apr 28, 2019 at 04:14 AM #85 Back from church, it's 4am now. Not sure if I can sleep, I feel wide awake. Took my Geodon though, that's probably gonna knock me out
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Blue_Bird Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jun 2013 Location: Hogwarts Posts: 36,743 (SuperPoster!) 10 14.3k hugs given	Apr 28, 2019 at 05:03 AM #86 Good morning, forced myself to go to sleep last night even though I didn't feel like it, I know it's important and I'm a mess when I don't get good sleep __________________ My Blog: https://livingwithachaoticmind.wordpress.com/ R.I.P mom 8/6/55-1/15/16 “All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi
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Blue_Bird Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jun 2013 Location: Hogwarts Posts: 36,743 (SuperPoster!) 10 14.3k hugs given	Apr 28, 2019 at 06:34 AM #88 Practicing Italian __________________ My Blog: https://livingwithachaoticmind.wordpress.com/ R.I.P mom 8/6/55-1/15/16 “All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi
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newtus The Dopamine Flux Member Since Jun 2010 Location: Ardenweald Posts: 43,644 (SuperPoster!) 13 867 hugs given	Apr 28, 2019 at 06:37 AM #89 Morning Woke up early i think cuz i slept til 1:30pm yesterday. Could barely sleep all night tho. Kept waking up. __________________ "We're all born to broken people on their most honest day of living" The Dopamine Flux www.thedopamineflux.com Youtube channel https://www.youtube.com/user/MozePrayIII
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newtus The Dopamine Flux Member Since Jun 2010 Location: Ardenweald Posts: 43,644 (SuperPoster!) 13 867 hugs given	Apr 28, 2019 at 07:45 AM #90 I feel so depressed __________________ "We're all born to broken people on their most honest day of living" The Dopamine Flux www.thedopamineflux.com Youtube channel https://www.youtube.com/user/MozePrayIII
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Blue_Bird Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jun 2013 Location: Hogwarts Posts: 36,743 (SuperPoster!) 10 14.3k hugs given	Apr 28, 2019 at 07:58 AM #91 So exhausted. Was wide awake but after my morning meds Im really tired __________________ My Blog: https://livingwithachaoticmind.wordpress.com/ R.I.P mom 8/6/55-1/15/16 “All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi
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newtus The Dopamine Flux Member Since Jun 2010 Location: Ardenweald Posts: 43,644 (SuperPoster!) 13 867 hugs given	Apr 28, 2019 at 08:06 AM #92 I just want to go away __________________ "We're all born to broken people on their most honest day of living" The Dopamine Flux www.thedopamineflux.com Youtube channel https://www.youtube.com/user/MozePrayIII
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ofthevalley Legendary Member Since Feb 2015 Location: USA Posts: 11,326 (SuperPoster!) 9 499 hugs given	Apr 28, 2019 at 08:19 AM #94 Morning!! Happy Sunday!! Drinking coffee trying to wake up. I have to go to the store. I’m out of cigarettes ugh. My husband left them in Scotty’s truck. Nothing going on today. It’s still kinda cold out and it’s supposed to rain. __________________ Schizoaffective, PTSD, Anxiety
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