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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jun 2013
Location: Hogwarts
Posts: 36,832
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#721
going to the food pantry tomorrow thankfully
__________________ R.I.P mom 8/6/55-1/15/16 “All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi
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Angelique67, SlumberKitty
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#722
Quote:
Next time I came to work his wife had depression on her face from me confronting him with just cause. He had no right to have my papers with my SS number on them. I hope that guy feels awkward about me from now on because if he ever tries to get in my business I'm going to make it weird for everybody in the room. There was no hiding my illness from work, because it effects my sleep so much. But one day a worker tried to patch a stress crack that was 5 ft long with an oil based putty. I gave a sigh and it couldn't be fixed because it wouldn't be dry enough to apply stress crack tape. Anyways, she mentioned to the new employee that "he needs his meds". Then he said it to me, and then she told him to be quiet, because that blew her cover. Things are fine now, but if youre under stress, or low on sleep, people will target your illness and gossip. I let my roommate go through my dating profile, and she wanted to write the name of my book in my dating profile so that they'd see I was an author, but, god, I can only imagine what a potential date would say when they stumble across my blog, where much of my writing is, and see I'm schizoaffective. "Yeah, Stephen, you're so courageous for coming out as a schizoaffective!" said no potential date ever. My therapist said to tell a girlfriend after 4 years, no biggie. but if they want kids, I have to tell them. I could give my own child schizophrenia, and that worries the **** out of me. I don't know if I could live with that. |
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SlumberKitty
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#723
I got 30 minutes into a Sopranos episode as my roommate's brother, who I think now lives with us, ate a bag of chips with his mouth open. I had to leave the room and join my sz friends here.
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Blue_Bird, junkDNA, SlumberKitty
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Metaphysic
Member Since Aug 2016
Location: The Netherlands
Posts: 13,015
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#724
I feel like writing a lot. Because I have a lot to say. My mind is like asjfkafjka bfjksjf fjaf jkfjfk....
I'm trying to organize my thoughts. They are scrambled. I have so many things to do. The phenibut stopped working. I hate xanax cuz it makes me feel numb. I need to organize my notes. I have hundreds of notes that I need to read and organize. I'm not eating and want to research more about fasting, meditation, spirituality, philosophy... Addiction is complicated. This is what people with my personality do. They torture themselves by sacrificing pleasure for future. But also sacrificing future for pleasure by failing. All my thoughts are scrambled eggs and meaningless. I feel like I don't have enough time to learn. I have so many things to do. Investing, podcasts, trying to learn skills, reading books.. I'm overwhelmed because I can't relax. I put pressure on myself. I want to make connections with family. I have to get a job. I have a doctors appointment tomorrow morning and a therapy and psychiatrist soon after and I don't know what to say. What do I say? I need to talk with someone for a few days for them to know what's really going on inside my head. |
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The Dopamine Flux
Member Since Jun 2010
Location: Ardenweald
Posts: 43,644
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#725
Quote:
It's like I was telling desoxyn...I seem to be so lucky in life. And it kinda scares me, because good things just keep happening every year, better and better things, and I'm wondering if god is maybe setting me up for something worse down the line. Idk. __________________ "We're all born to broken people on their most honest day of living"
The Dopamine Flux www.thedopamineflux.com Youtube channel https://www.youtube.com/user/MozePrayIII |
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Anonymous40796
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Metaphysic
Member Since Aug 2016
Location: The Netherlands
Posts: 13,015
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7 4,923 hugs
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#726
Quote:
But the rule of life is that the schizo is plagued with eternal severe hell |
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Anonymous40796
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jun 2013
Location: Hogwarts
Posts: 36,832
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11 14.4k hugs
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#727
I just want to sleep and for today to be over ,
__________________ R.I.P mom 8/6/55-1/15/16 “All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi
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Anonymous40796, SlumberKitty
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#728
Online dating update 6:
It isn't going well because I can't go out on a date when I make $234 a week. I've been planting seeds here and there, but I'm not really getting many responses. I think half the problem is that I'm really not seeing many potential dates with good profiles that I connect with. There was 1 woman, she was 42, I felt our profiles sync'd but nothing came of it. :-/ 1) I need a better picture of myself 2) It would look better on paper if I said I had a better job All i said basically is that I'm an author but I have a day job to pay the bills, and left it at that. There was one other profile that interested me, she was definitely a reader, I mean, no one casually takes up Ulysses for some light reading. It's one off the toughest reads in the "Western Canon". She hasn't responded back... but, usually they all wait until Sunday night. So we'll see! |
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Blue_Bird, SlumberKitty
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The Dopamine Flux
Member Since Jun 2010
Location: Ardenweald
Posts: 43,644
(SuperPoster!)
14 867 hugs
given |
#729
Quote:
__________________ "We're all born to broken people on their most honest day of living"
The Dopamine Flux www.thedopamineflux.com Youtube channel https://www.youtube.com/user/MozePrayIII |
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jun 2013
Location: Hogwarts
Posts: 36,832
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11 14.4k hugs
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#730
Noise has been confusing and scaring me. I'm scared. Constantly scared , always
__________________ R.I.P mom 8/6/55-1/15/16 “All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi
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Anonymous40796, SlumberKitty
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#731
Newt,
I apologize about my book. I made a major change again. The ending has completely changed. The ending is now 20 pages longer. I'll send you another copy. It only costs $5 bucks. I have your address. I was always insecure with the anti-climactic ending. briefly put--it sucked. Now the ending is spot on, super mythic, and I nailed it finally. I finally worked it out and I brought it all together like a crescendo. I still have a few minor tweaks left though to get pagination and headers working. Goethe in his Work Faust wrote his book the same way. I think it's because Faust was kind of mingled with who Goethe was, and he always added upon it throughout his life. In it he wrote a poem about how it was like patchwork, as he tweaked this, and added that. His first bits started to release in 1790 until 1831 when he finally released it before he past away. There were parts that he still wished he was able to complete, such as a debate between Faust and the devil among the faculty and students. That would have been truly awesome. |
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The Dopamine Flux
Member Since Jun 2010
Location: Ardenweald
Posts: 43,644
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14 867 hugs
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#733
Quote:
__________________ "We're all born to broken people on their most honest day of living"
The Dopamine Flux www.thedopamineflux.com Youtube channel https://www.youtube.com/user/MozePrayIII |
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jun 2013
Location: Hogwarts
Posts: 36,832
(SuperPoster!)
11 14.4k hugs
given |
#734
__________________ R.I.P mom 8/6/55-1/15/16 “All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi
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#735
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newtus
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The Dopamine Flux
Member Since Jun 2010
Location: Ardenweald
Posts: 43,644
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14 867 hugs
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#736
I really dont know of a better one. Another thing I do when I was was dating was befriend friends of friends on fb. That's how I found my fiance. Well my fiance found me. He kept talking to me. He wouldnt leave me alone, and then I gave him a chance lol. That came about because I added a bunch of people from my high school days (10 years ago). Him and I went to high school together. But we never really hung out or anything.
__________________ "We're all born to broken people on their most honest day of living"
The Dopamine Flux www.thedopamineflux.com Youtube channel https://www.youtube.com/user/MozePrayIII |
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Metaphysic
Member Since Aug 2016
Location: The Netherlands
Posts: 13,015
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7 4,923 hugs
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#737
Meds;
Atenolol 50mg 2x a day Vyvanse 50mg in the morning Seroquel 50mg at night Nootropics; Nicotine spray Caffeine CBD These are all the things I will take for two weeks because I've been out of control with the depressants. I will meditate, go to bed on time, wake up on time and try to be stable and think about the horrors that I have been putting myself through. |
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Metaphysic
Member Since Aug 2016
Location: The Netherlands
Posts: 13,015
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#738
Life can be beautiful when I see it properly
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The Dopamine Flux
Member Since Jun 2010
Location: Ardenweald
Posts: 43,644
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14 867 hugs
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#739
This girl I met on reddit...idk. it's kinda weird.
She wanted to talk like 2 weeks ago. So I waited for 3 hours for her to call. She said she was on the phone with her aunt the whole time. She said she wanted to talk again today. I said ok and some other stuff. And she didnt reply. I replied again an hour later and she said she had to go do something and will call me later. Idk what's going on... but I did tell her I would be in bed by 8 or 8:30pm cuz I gotta work. It's weird idk. She doesnt have a fb or anything she says... __________________ "We're all born to broken people on their most honest day of living"
The Dopamine Flux www.thedopamineflux.com Youtube channel https://www.youtube.com/user/MozePrayIII |
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SlumberKitty
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Metaphysic
Member Since Aug 2016
Location: The Netherlands
Posts: 13,015
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7 4,923 hugs
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#740
I tried playing guitar but my fingers hurt
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Anonymous40796, SlumberKitty
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