Roll Call 157

The apartment manager just talked down to me. I asked who do I make the money order to and she laughed when I said villas like "vi-yas". She said "no, its vil-LUS" pronounced with the L and I'm pretty sure shes wrong.

Dumb *****

She said "no sweetie that's not it. I'll help u make it out tomorrow. What time are you coming?"

Fck off ya bag

"We're all born to broken people on their most honest day of living"

The Dopamine Flux
www.thedopamineflux.com

Youtube channel
https://www.youtube.com/user/MozePrayIII

Okay I thought so I just have brain fog going on here. I think perhaps it may be a good idea to ask yourself where this mindset comes from as opposed to being concerned about whether or not it “makes sense”. I think that most of the stuff in our minds at one point did make sense at the time because otherwise it wouldn’t be there, but usually when it no longer “works” for us then it needs to be adjusted to match the way things are now as opposed to the way things were and lol now I’m worried that I’m not making sense! Aaahhh!

For what it’s worth I think whatever you’re going through is 100% valid, no doubt in my mind about that.

Anyways I had an awesome skiing day today! Happy.. Beautiful mountains sunny day.. snow.. I fell a few times into soft backwards.. Couldn't move it was like being in a cold cloud..

I took a video and put it on snapchat but I'll post a pic here.. Just have to find a picture uploader that works..

I'm always obsessed over meds... I am currently obsessing about anti-anxiety meds. But I'm depressed currently so my doctor changed my antidepressant regimen. So I hope that helps...

I understand the feeling though. I always fantasize about being on clozapine and whether or not it would get rid of my worst symptoms right now or whatever. But I usually only fantasize about new meds when I'm not feeling that well.

Ah you’re fine!

I think a large part of it has to do with denial. Like I’m not sick. I’m not sick enough to warrant all this. If I’m only on low dose that means I’m not bad why do I need this at al.

I struggle sometimes with denial about it all.

I hope I get chosen for tedx man...

"We're all born to broken people on their most honest day of living"

The Dopamine Flux
www.thedopamineflux.com

Youtube channel
https://www.youtube.com/user/MozePrayIII

I know you're frustrated about this, but this is a pretty funny post. To me at least... I laughed when I read it. Just the whole thing about the pronunciation of the "ll".

If it were the Spanish pronunciation in countries like Mexico, you'd be correct in pronouncing it like an English "y".

Other Spanish-speaking countries pronounce the "ll" slightly differently. I could get into a whole summary of phonetics in Spanish but I won't bore you with that.

But if it's her name, I suppose you have to pronounce it the way she wants you to, unfortunately. Ha.

Anyway, I'm not trying to laugh at your expense, I just thought the thing about the pronunciation was funny.

Oh yeah that makes a lot of sense. I’ve totally been there with the denial, for me it showed up differently about something else (a topic that can be triggering so I won’t go into it) but YEP I understand.

It's the name of the apartments. Americans should be, by default, cultured, but we are the most uncultured people in the world. Especially in the south. We live in large Hispanic population by living in texas. I took it as an insult from her. Ain't no one saying the correct pronunciation anyway, so let me say it the way I want.

Not mad at you, but her.

"We're all born to broken people on their most honest day of living"

The Dopamine Flux
www.thedopamineflux.com

Youtube channel
https://www.youtube.com/user/MozePrayIII

I’m a lot better about it than I used to be. I’m slowly accepting it but still part of me is resistant lol.

I’m the same way, like geez I can be so stubborn about stuff like this. I’ve gotten better too but sometimes? Yeah that resistance thing. Oof ... Lol.

I had a great therapy session with my psychologist. I had a break through realization, but it doesn't feel like it. I'm still wrestling with thoguhts that are spinning out of control. My life is a wreck right now.

Hey DT glad to see you and glad the therapy went well. Sorry about the spinning out of control wreck part. I updated your anhedonia thread check it out.

I wonder why people are religious. I should have asked the mormons that question.

Rhetorical question. Don't answer me cuz then a discussion will get started and I'll get moderated.

But it just makes me wonder about that and schizophrenia.. Like I was an atheist and was still psychotic.. But psychedelic and pantheist, now I understand.. Yet under stress, I think I'm God when real rationalization of self, others and the universe is all one. With stress, that all goes out the window and I become the simulation solipsist God.

But you're only God if you believe you're God (Or Jesus), but not to anyone else. Instead, you're psychotic.....

That's the funny thing about reality. I thought about genetics and how my mom has breast cancer because of too much estrogen and progesterone which in the womb (With males), they have sexuality issues.. But I wonder about patterns cuz I was looking up difficult IQ questions and being a pantheist I have confidence now that everything in existence is just a pattern of the paradox.. Like people with gender issues are really intelligent cuz male + hormones = female but people can still be attracted to only female.. It's all crazy stuff.. And gays are good at design.. patterns..

Then I think about how my sister will get breast cancer and she'll have children with sexuality and gender issues.. And the father of the human genome project said that genetics are like a code building block of God.. He was a smart guy..

I think I should delete this idk why am I so controversial lmao..

Unfortunately, Tapatalk is still killing attachments.

I fell asleep earlier and missed my regular vape, so I'm using my pod. I think the nurse on duty tonight is psychic because she "walked in on me" twice for no reason. I cleared out some garbage from my vape bag which was good but I am scared about having any supplies in my drawers. For some reason they are very against that. I don't know why. Vaping is not the same as smoking. It's not like I have a pack of cigarettes. I have my pods but I need to get off of them. 60mg of nicotine is crazy. But I don't know why they are so adamant about not letting me keep supplies in my room. What are they afraid of?

Picture of me covered in mask and goggles with my moms ex bf and mountains in the background at the top of the ski hill. A jet stream of wispy clouds and blue sky, a line of mountain peaks with the summits covered in white snow, ski and snowboard tracks leading down the mountain which goes down steep slopes and in between there is a valley of frozen lakes and green and brown (dead) pine trees....

That sounds absolutely beautiful.

What I've learned in my 23 years of living is that rules don't make sense. And they are stupid in a place where I don't want to be.