Roll Call 160!

Is your cat drinking liquids? Yesterday Amelia would not eat her wet food. Not in the morning, nor at night. And I offered it to my other cat, Esther and she wouldn't eat it. It's the same brand we always buy BTW. I don't know if it was just that package because this morning she ate fine. Not sure what that was about.

Well they did. They said come back if she loses more weight. Cuz I told them she lost 2 pounds already.

@newtus you might try a bit of chicken broth for your kitty. Just make sure it doesn't have onions, garlic, or too much sodium. My vet recommended that for my cat Esther, who has diabetes, and it helps her stay interested in eating either by mixing it in her food, or just helping her stay hydrated by putting a bit in her bowl.

Everything that can go is going wrong today. Fck.

I'm hearing voices tonight for some reason, a constant chattering

Apparently my sister is pushing people away...like she’s like not wanting plants like the succulents I got her because what’s the point if she’ll be gone. That’s why I got the little cards. I’m just not sure what to do for her...I’m not going to ignore her for the next couple of years.

Hmmm, how’s your sleep been?

It's been good

Sorry she's having a hard time coping with the diagnosis, it must be very difficult

It’s true.... wish she would consider therapy.....

I'm paranoid people are going to come after me and that the people at the dentists are going to laugh at me and whisper at my next appointment

I wouldn't mind if someone operated of me and pulled my teeth out before putting me under. I'm relax af. But I understand if people are scared of dentist/doctors.. You need to do the trust thing.. Fall backwards and have people catch you.. Then you've faced your fear!

Had a nice day skiing! Finished taking the ice off the walkway. Lots of exercise.

No they’re professionals they wouldn’t do that.

Dentists have empathy. They probably feel bad and want to make you comfortable for your next appointment. It's their job. They deal with people that are scared of the dentist every day.. Sometimes even give out benzo...

So the heater does work apparently. And my cat is eating. Idk. We got denied for that thing today and my head went into depression.

I'm a little hypomanic. Phenibut is a good antidepressant. I took a 750mg phenibut stuffed capsule with my tolerant 900mg dose. Tomorrow I'll take 850mg and probably be irritable, agitated, dysphoric.. Idk..

Remember, what goes up, always has to god damn go down. So the more I suffer, the better I'll feel in the end.

I realize that everything I do, helps me in the end.. But I have a problem with wasting time. ENTJ's don't waste time.. And ESTJ's hate when other people waste time.. I waste time listening to music... I love music.. Comfort sometimes.. Idk..

I took a 0.5mg alprazolam (One benzo) last night but I took nothing yesterday night. I might use olanzepine to sleep tonight then one benzo tomorrow night... Slowly wean myself off these things..

Old emotions are stirring within because I did something stupid today.

Anyway, I wrote some good material for my book. So I at least did that.

I need to be more careful. Damn it.

I've been thinking about what I want to do.. If there wasn't such thing as money, I'd do English courses to build my writing skills and travel the world, writing stories. But idk if that would be satisfying.

I'm thinking.. What does it take to become a pharmacologist? I have to do physics or math. I didn't do well in physics in high school because I was so depressed but now I'm interested in it. I was good at math but I forget everything. Y'know what I needed back then really badly? A psychedelic trip. Now that I've tripped, I feel like I can do anything..

I'm looking up physics courses. One about building a quantum computer seems really interesting. But there's a catch now... I can't handle stress.. I have a very low tolerance to stress right now.. So I'm going to increase my Invega Sustenna injection back to 3 weeks instead of 4 weeks.

When I've exhausted myself through this in an hour or two, I'm gonna read a book and just chill.. I've been listening to a bit of podcasts today and exercised. I still feel stressed out. I want to not be stressed and I'm putting stress on myself but I don't care right now. I'm going to push myself until I break.

There's a pharmacology course that my college is offering on the 23rd of March. I'm going to enroll in that and see if I like it.

I don't know if taking an olanzepine will help me with stress. I might take a benzo for now with one and just see if I feel any better.

Does she journal? It could be a source of strength to document what she's going through. Or a video log etc.

I'm glad some things are going ok again.

No she’s one of these people with a tough exterior.....kinda punk....I think this whole thing isn’t her style

Well... I'm doing what my psychiatrist said to do.. which is try out physics courses online and see how I do..

I'm doing a physics course right now. I took 7.5mg of ZYPREXA (Olanzepine ^^).. And my stress is GONE.

My stress be gone.. I can focus without PAIN.

I need a damned lozenge.

You ran out? Are you vaping?

Yeah I liked Zyprexa a lot. But they took me off of it because of the weight gain.