Roll Call 161!

Blue_Bird · Feb 19, 2020 at 07:33 PM

I'm craving buffalo wings but I can't eat anything spicy at the moment while healing from the tooth extraction. soon though... I will get some, and they'll be amazing

Tomorrow I'll be at my old place for a few hours working on stuff. Same thing till the weekend. Saturday or Sunday my sister will help me bring the rest of my stuff over and I'll officially be DONE with that place then

Blue_Bird · Feb 19, 2020 at 07:36 PM

This summer I'm going to go ahead and start voc rehab so I can get a part time job

Sometimes psychotic · Feb 19, 2020 at 07:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Desoxyn

Working for a ****** company that makes too much money and doesn't pay its workers like Walmart is plaguing me with horror.

I don't want to be a janitor or something. I'm too smart to have a job like that. And I'm asexual so I don't want to have a normal life like 99% of people that want a partner, kids, etc.. And maybe I won't even find good supportive cool friends.

Maybe one day I'll be working for the machine and live a meaningless life when my parents die - That's what I fear. I want to do something for the world, be an entrepreneur, find and do what I love for just enough to survive or get a good education and do research. I want to travel and learn as much as I can.

I'm also afraid of my cognition becoming unrecoverable and not be able to do anything I want to do. I'm afraid of losing my cool genius thoughts. I don't want my consciousness to be nothing.. Because it's close to that now..

What will I do if I'm not myself? Not able to learn or even as fast as anyone else.. It's becoming that.. I don't want to be alone, poor, have no meaning.. I get suicidal easily.. I NEED help to not go down a dark road of a ****** life with no meaning.. Where my spark will be gone.. If that happens, I might as well just end it.

I was reading how inhibiting the pfc

increases creativity....I’m wondering if some of the cognitive issues may actually contribute to your ideas

Blue_Bird · Feb 19, 2020 at 07:47 PM

Omg I forgot about lent coming up. I need to give something up. Maybe coffee? That will be difficult

Angelique67 · Feb 19, 2020 at 07:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sometimes psychotic

Pleased with my little parakeet...

I love it!

Job 30 26 · Feb 19, 2020 at 07:54 PM

Negative: I had to apologize to my roommate for saying how Bloomberg bought his way onto the debate, it was wrong of me because she told me to stop and I didn't, I told her it was a fact that he spent 200 million in ads. So I apologized me shes giving me the silent treatment. At least I apologized though. It was my bad.

Positive: work went great, laborious but no setbacks. Tomorrow I'll listen to some lectures. O I did finish harry potter the half blood prince the audiobook again.

Angelique67 · Feb 19, 2020 at 07:57 PM

Another quarantine, this time for stomach flu.

Job 30 26 · Feb 19, 2020 at 08:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Desoxyn

I'm also afraid of my cognition becoming unrecoverable and not be able to do anything I want to do. I'm afraid of losing my cool genius thoughts. I don't want my consciousness to be nothing.. Because it's close to that now..

What will I do if I'm not myself? Not able to learn or even as fast as anyone else.. It's becoming that.. I don't want to be alone, poor, have no meaning.. I get suicidal easily.. I NEED help to not go down a dark road of a ****** life with no meaning.. Where my spark will be gone.. If that happens, I might as well just end it.

I fear that too, and at times I've experienced it decline. Without short term memory I can't read. I've had to fight tooth and nail to keep some semblance of who I use to be. What's the most convenient, easiest way for you to learn? (reading books, listening, conversation, writing in a forum or on paper?)

Honestly, my fear drives me to learn and write. My biggest fear in life is that I wont make a meaningful contribution to the world. It's a big factor in my life that's on my mind every day. But I found convenient ways to learn, and I lean on those quite heavily, and it has been scaffolding

Desoxyn · Feb 19, 2020 at 08:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sometimes psychotic

I was reading how inhibiting the pfc

increases creativity....I’m wondering if some of the cognitive issues may actually contribute to your ideas

Probably! Lol.. I had that thought in the back of my head but didn't look at it..

I seem to be much better now after I did psychedelics.. It's like I have those cool ideas again as I did when I was a kid.. Before negative symptoms killed me..

But they seem to be dying down now maybe because it's winter and I'm not exercising as much or out in nature.. Just snow..

Desoxyn · Feb 19, 2020 at 08:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Job 30 26

I fear that too, and at times I've experienced it decline. Without short term memory I can't read. I've had to fight tooth and nail to keep some semblance of who I use to be. What's the most convenient, easiest way for you to learn? (reading books, listening, conversation, writing in a forum or on paper?)

Honestly, my fear drives me to learn and write. My biggest fear in life is that I wont make a meaningful contribution to the world. It's a big factor in my life that's on my mind every day. But I found convenient ways to learn, and I lean on those quite heavily, and it has been scaffolding

The best way I learn is with video/audio and writing things down.. I just started doing that recently.. I got the idea from an assignment that I had to do in anthropology class where I had to watch a video and write what I've learned.. I noticed that I was really good at it..

It's a combination of typing, listening and visual all at the same time. ADHD style... =]

Desoxyn · Feb 19, 2020 at 08:49 PM

Job 30 26 gots the judging.. So he can set a time to do something.. Then he does it..

For me it's like.. I set a time to do something.. then a thought in my head is like "Yeah but do I really feel like it? I could just do something more fun or comfortable.."

Blue_Bird · Feb 19, 2020 at 09:04 PM

I’m so tired all the time I want to get off these meds. Mainly the APs. I have no problem with my mood stabilizer. I want to stop them right now but I’m afraid of the effects of stopping suddenly

Blue_Bird · Feb 19, 2020 at 09:06 PM

My doctor isn’t going to think it’s a good idea though she never does. She’s wonderful but I miss the manic energy

Sometimes psychotic · Feb 19, 2020 at 09:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

I’m so tired all the time I want to get off these meds. Mainly the APs. I have no problem with my mood stabilizer. I want to stop them right now but I’m afraid of the effects of stopping suddenly

Didn’t your doc say you could reduce the Thorazine? Aren’t you also on abilify? That ones not sedating at all.

Blue_Bird · Feb 19, 2020 at 09:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sometimes psychotic

Didn’t your doc say you could reduce the Thorazine? Aren’t you also on abilify? That ones not sedating at all.

Yes but I’m torn between changing the Thorazine because I know if I reduce it I’ll just end up going all the way and stopping it. I couldn’t sleep on the lesser dose and was having paranoia. So basically I’m conflicted about whether I want to keep things as they are or just say forget the APs. I just really miss the euphoria I always experienced. It was so amazing feeling. Better than getting high on any kind of drug

Blue_Bird · Feb 19, 2020 at 09:12 PM

I’m also afraid of developing neuroleptic malignant syndrome , I guess that’s something that can happen if you stop APs suddenly?

Blue_Bird · Feb 19, 2020 at 09:18 PM

Maybe I’ll just start with decreasing the Thorazine again and see how that goes. Along with cutting my abilify pill in half. Maybe I’ll just take it slow and taper off

Desoxyn · Feb 19, 2020 at 09:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

Yes but I’m torn between changing the Thorazine because I know if I reduce it I’ll just end up going all the way and stopping it. I couldn’t sleep on the lesser dose and was having paranoia. So basically I’m conflicted about whether I want to keep things as they are or just say forget the APs. I just really miss the euphoria I always experienced. It was so amazing feeling. Better than getting high on any kind of drug

Mania = Neurotoxic high..

I never go full blown mania but you're prone to it which sucks

Desoxyn · Feb 19, 2020 at 09:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

I’m also afraid of developing neuroleptic malignant syndrome , I guess that’s something that can happen if you stop APs suddenly?

Oh damn.. Is that why my doctor was concerned about me suddenly stopping the Seroquel?

Desoxyn · Feb 19, 2020 at 09:26 PM

I took a 5mg olanzepine because it helps with a paranoia like symptom that I can't explain.. It's like not having patience for anything..

Does anyone feel lack of patience as a symptom sometimes? Olanzepine helps..

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Roll Call 161!

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Blue_Bird Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jun 2013 Location: Middle Earth Posts: 37,298 (SuperPoster!) 11 14.9k hugs given	Feb 19, 2020 at 07:36 PM #482 This summer I'm going to go ahead and start voc rehab so I can get a part time job __________________ “All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi
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Blue_Bird Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jun 2013 Location: Middle Earth Posts: 37,298 (SuperPoster!) 11 14.9k hugs given	Feb 19, 2020 at 07:47 PM #484 Omg I forgot about lent coming up. I need to give something up. Maybe coffee? That will be difficult __________________ “All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi
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Angelique67 Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Oct 2014 Location: USA Posts: 22,124 (SuperPoster!) 10	Feb 19, 2020 at 07:57 PM #487 Another quarantine, this time for stomach flu.
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Desoxyn Metaphysic Member Since Aug 2016 Location: The Netherlands Posts: 13,024 (SuperPoster!) 8 4,929 hugs given	Feb 19, 2020 at 08:49 PM #491 Job 30 26 gots the judging.. So he can set a time to do something.. Then he does it.. For me it's like.. I set a time to do something.. then a thought in my head is like "Yeah but do I really feel like it? I could just do something more fun or comfortable.."
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Blue_Bird Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jun 2013 Location: Middle Earth Posts: 37,298 (SuperPoster!) 11 14.9k hugs given	Feb 19, 2020 at 09:04 PM #492 I’m so tired all the time I want to get off these meds. Mainly the APs. I have no problem with my mood stabilizer. I want to stop them right now but I’m afraid of the effects of stopping suddenly __________________ “All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi
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Blue_Bird Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jun 2013 Location: Middle Earth Posts: 37,298 (SuperPoster!) 11 14.9k hugs given	Feb 19, 2020 at 09:06 PM #493 My doctor isn’t going to think it’s a good idea though she never does. She’s wonderful but I miss the manic energy __________________ “All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi
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Blue_Bird Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jun 2013 Location: Middle Earth Posts: 37,298 (SuperPoster!) 11 14.9k hugs given	Feb 19, 2020 at 09:12 PM #496 I’m also afraid of developing neuroleptic malignant syndrome , I guess that’s something that can happen if you stop APs suddenly? __________________ “All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi
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Blue_Bird Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jun 2013 Location: Middle Earth Posts: 37,298 (SuperPoster!) 11 14.9k hugs given	Feb 19, 2020 at 09:18 PM #497 Maybe I’ll just start with decreasing the Thorazine again and see how that goes. Along with cutting my abilify pill in half. Maybe I’ll just take it slow and taper off __________________ “All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi
	Reply With Quote

Desoxyn Metaphysic Member Since Aug 2016 Location: The Netherlands Posts: 13,024 (SuperPoster!) 8 4,929 hugs given	Feb 19, 2020 at 09:26 PM #500 I took a 5mg olanzepine because it helps with a paranoia like symptom that I can't explain.. It's like not having patience for anything.. Does anyone feel lack of patience as a symptom sometimes? Olanzepine helps..
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