I am struggling a lot right now

I am thinking about going off my meds for good. They have done nothing but cause me harm. I am tired of playing the psychiatrist - patient game. I am still seeing a therapist, but I hate this stuff. Why can't others be actually helpful? I know I'm probably in a bad mood right now. But this is getting ridiculous. Why do I feel this way? I feel helpless. I've never felt like this before. I feel like quitting like 8 things I'm doing right now. But it's all linked to that feeling of helplessness that I have.

I wish I had listened to my intuitions when I thought I should never be on medication or when I thought of going off of meds like 86 times before.

And now, I am just considering it. It is really hard to even consider because my life has been basically governed by the psychiatrist's rule and whatever he wants me to do for years now. Why can't there be another way? I wish there were another way. I think there is.

I always am talked out of it. I don't know, I'll probably change my mind tomorrow. I wish I had some stability. All I know is this is not working and I need a change.