Roll Call 174

newtus · Aug 24, 2020 at 09:26 PM

Let’s talk!

falcon09 · Aug 24, 2020 at 09:26 PM

Thanks, Newtus!

I'm pretty paranoid tonight, having a hard time taking meds

newtus · Aug 24, 2020 at 09:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by falcon09

Thanks, Newtus!

I'm pretty paranoid tonight, having a hard time taking meds

Sorry to hear that, falcs.

newtus · Aug 24, 2020 at 09:27 PM

I didn’t get the LWA btw... not sure how we will pay our bills.

Desoxyn · Aug 24, 2020 at 11:13 PM

I'm dealing with trauma induced psychosis and panic attacks. When I told my mom about OCD thoughts, she understood what I was saying and the depersonalization/derealization went away with 10mg of olanzepine (The dose that my psychiatrist put me on before I wanted to go off of it). It's really complicated solipsism and I think I'm being targeted by a group of gangstalkers that got the wrong person because I typed identities of the old man that sexually harassed me in the psych ward... I'm not sure what is real and I'll have to write it all out.. But what was said is so bizarre and complex, about time machines and travelling faster than the speed of light and

Possible trigger:

rape

, politics, everything.

My mom said that anyone would turn crazy by this. I don't even care enough to type it all out but I have to otherwise my OCD will keep repeating horrible intrusive thoughts that aren't even real.

Being in the psych ward damaged me more now than when I came in there the first place. I feel like I'm being monitored or something. But I have good enough insight although it doesn't magically make me express everything clearly - Just that why I suppose it's disorganized schizophrenia.

Desoxyn · Aug 24, 2020 at 11:19 PM

I already told my therapist about the OCD and trauma so I'm gonna make an appointment over the phone to speak with her about it.

Desoxyn · Aug 24, 2020 at 11:30 PM

Alex Jones and interdimensional

Possible trigger:

pedophiles

Possible trigger:

Don't help. The old man attempted to have sex with me and then he died - Interdimnesional pedophile. But I was 20 so kinda not? Then why was everyone calling him a pedophile?

Then I see "God is a gay schizophrenic pedophile" because I typed that in thinking of what he is ... this thing that disturbed the living **** out of me and then made my bad trip 1000x worse because he did it on christmas.. With a kid that used live with him where he hung himself.. on the anniversary he wanted to book a hotel with me what a sick ****.

Then I think well, other labels aside, I'm not a pedophile but what if I'm still attracted to people that are my current age when I'm his age before he died (50 something)? Does that make me a pedophile? What if it happens>

I'm too tired to write. But I feel better writing this. It's just weird solipsism.

And Trump is supposed to save us from evils of the world? It's like comedy writers wrote my life all i hear is "trump trump trump" and it's all nonsense.

Idk if the world is run by

Possible trigger:

pedophiles

That's all I see on social media. The whole pandemic and people going crazy makes me crazy. I agree that it isn't a sexuality because I have a really confusing sexuality but I'm not attracted to children. I care too much about what people think and my OCD is like "What if they think that even after you tell them" well, I'm gonna tell the truth and beat OCD - But it controls me. It makes me say it because it makes me obsess over things like killing a family member or harming myself, etc it goes on and on

bpcyclist · Aug 25, 2020 at 02:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Desoxyn

I'm dealing with trauma induced psychosis and panic attacks. When I told my mom about OCD thoughts, she understood what I was saying and the depersonalization/derealization went away with 10mg of olanzepine (The dose that my psychiatrist put me on before I wanted to go off of it). It's really complicated solipsism and I think I'm being targeted by a group of gangstalkers that got the wrong person because I typed identities of the old man that sexually harassed me in the psych ward... I'm not sure what is real and I'll have to write it all out.. But what was said is so bizarre and complex, about time machines and travelling faster than the speed of light and

Possible trigger:

rape

, politics, everything.

My mom said that anyone would turn crazy by this. I don't even care enough to type it all out but I have to otherwise my OCD will keep repeating horrible intrusive thoughts that aren't even real.

Being in the psych ward damaged me more now than when I came in there the first place. I feel like I'm being monitored or something. But I have good enough insight although it doesn't magically make me express everything clearly - Just that why I suppose it's disorganized schizophrenia.

I doubt you are being monitored, Des. Hugs.

bpcyclist · Aug 25, 2020 at 02:43 AM

Albert bawling and woke me up again.

newtus · Aug 25, 2020 at 07:06 AM

Didnt sleep at all

bpcyclist · Aug 25, 2020 at 08:53 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by newtus

Didnt sleep at all

Sorry, newtus.

Sometimes psychotic · Aug 25, 2020 at 10:22 AM

I don’t remember if I mentioned this yesterday but we are partially locking down again....th indoor part of bars and restaurants will be closed.....it’s just one zone outside the city....not the whole state....

newtus · Aug 25, 2020 at 10:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sometimes psychotic

I don’t remember if I mentioned this yesterday but we are partially locking down again....th indoor part of bars and restaurants will be closed.....it’s just one zone outside the city....not the whole state....

Wow that’s crazy

Angelique67 · Aug 25, 2020 at 11:05 AM

Thanks for the new roll call. I can't connect to posts 1 thru 10 for some reason.

SlumberKitty · Aug 25, 2020 at 11:43 AM

Thanks for the new roll call!

SlumberKitty · Aug 25, 2020 at 11:44 AM

Looks like our health insurance might be changing again. Ugh. We had really good health insurance, no deductibles, reasonable out of pocket maximums etc. The new plan that they are looking at is not as good. They have deductibles and they have higher out of pocket maximums. Not good.

Desoxyn · Aug 25, 2020 at 12:16 PM

I wake up and the OCD hell continues but in the morning this time instead of the evening.

Desoxyn · Aug 25, 2020 at 12:50 PM

"Most people with OCD are ashamed of our thoughts. Once you are able to open up about them to your therapist, they slowly lose power over you as you begin to realize that they are just that - thoughts. Hope you find healing!"

Desoxyn · Aug 25, 2020 at 01:42 PM

Here's what I wrote on a FB OCD forum (Beware it's quite messed up);

Possible trigger:

I started developing POCD after I searched google "God is a gay schizophrenic pedophile" and found a philosophy forum post talking about crazy things - She was banned from a "genius" or MENSA forum, talking about time machines and going faster than the speed of light and dooms day devices. I've been diagnosed with schizophrenia but was sexually harassed and stalked in the psych ward when I was 20 by a crack smoking pedophile. I'm 100% not attracted to children but what if I'm still attracted to people my own age (I'm 24) when I'm his age (50 something), will I then become a pedophile? I'm not a child - But that old man had an underaged boy living with him and likely having sex. The boy killed himself on Christmas day. The old man phoned me the next Christmas day asking to book a hotel with me and have sex. I said I'm not gay or bi and hung up the phone. I didn't realize until after that he was masturbating and crying to my voice on the phone. Later he died of an overdose in the psych ward. I then took a lot of mushrooms on Boxing Day and had a bad trip - Thinking love is fake and people just want sex from me or anyone else. It's weird. He was "Christian" and a conspiracy theorist - I think maybe Alex Jones is right about interdimensional pedophiles so I'm being targeted by people - But I'm the wrong person and pedophiles run the world and the hype about it all in the world is triggering me. I just want to let this out because it's all driving me nuts. I was treated for OCD when I was 16 but never had POCD until now after reading all of these posts especially about them.

It helped to write that out. I'm at the doctors office waiting to talk to my doctor and get refills. Everything will be ok.. idk what I'm gon a do after bit I'll try and find something productive and relax, breathe.

falcon09 · Aug 25, 2020 at 02:45 PM

woke up super late

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Roll Call 174

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newtus The Dopamine Flux Member Since Jun 2010 Location: Ardenweald Posts: 43,644 (SuperPoster!) 14 867 hugs given	Aug 24, 2020 at 09:26 PM #1 Let’s talk! __________________ "We're all born to broken people on their most honest day of living" The Dopamine Flux www.thedopamineflux.com Youtube channel https://www.youtube.com/user/MozePrayIII
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falcon09 Grand Magnate Member Since Feb 2015 Location: United States Posts: 3,022 9 1,869 hugs given	Aug 24, 2020 at 09:26 PM #2 Thanks, Newtus! I'm pretty paranoid tonight, having a hard time taking meds __________________
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newtus The Dopamine Flux Member Since Jun 2010 Location: Ardenweald Posts: 43,644 (SuperPoster!) 14 867 hugs given	Aug 24, 2020 at 09:27 PM #4 I didn’t get the LWA btw... not sure how we will pay our bills. __________________ "We're all born to broken people on their most honest day of living" The Dopamine Flux www.thedopamineflux.com Youtube channel https://www.youtube.com/user/MozePrayIII
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Desoxyn Metaphysic Member Since Aug 2016 Location: The Netherlands Posts: 13,030 (SuperPoster!) 8 4,931 hugs given	Aug 24, 2020 at 11:19 PM #6 I already told my therapist about the OCD and trauma so I'm gonna make an appointment over the phone to speak with her about it.
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bpcyclist Legendary Member Since Sep 2019 Location: Portland Posts: 12,681 (SuperPoster!) 5 40.2k hugs given	Aug 25, 2020 at 02:43 AM #9 Albert bawling and woke me up again. __________________ When I was a kid, my parents moved a lot, but I always found them--Rodney Dangerfield
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newtus The Dopamine Flux Member Since Jun 2010 Location: Ardenweald Posts: 43,644 (SuperPoster!) 14 867 hugs given	Aug 25, 2020 at 07:06 AM #10 Didnt sleep at all __________________ "We're all born to broken people on their most honest day of living" The Dopamine Flux www.thedopamineflux.com Youtube channel https://www.youtube.com/user/MozePrayIII
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Sometimes psychotic Legendary Wise Elder Member Since May 2013 Location: Chicago Posts: 26,424 (SuperPoster!) 11 22.8k hugs given	Aug 25, 2020 at 10:22 AM #12 I don’t remember if I mentioned this yesterday but we are partially locking down again....th indoor part of bars and restaurants will be closed.....it’s just one zone outside the city....not the whole state.... __________________ Hugs!
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Angelique67 Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Oct 2014 Location: USA Posts: 22,125 (SuperPoster!) 10	Aug 25, 2020 at 11:05 AM #14 Thanks for the new roll call. I can't connect to posts 1 thru 10 for some reason.
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SlumberKitty Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jul 2018 Location: CA Posts: 27,329 (SuperPoster!) 6 117.7k hugs given	Aug 25, 2020 at 11:43 AM #15 Thanks for the new roll call! __________________ Dum Spiro Spero IC XC NIKA
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SlumberKitty Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jul 2018 Location: CA Posts: 27,329 (SuperPoster!) 6 117.7k hugs given	Aug 25, 2020 at 11:44 AM #16 Looks like our health insurance might be changing again. Ugh. We had really good health insurance, no deductibles, reasonable out of pocket maximums etc. The new plan that they are looking at is not as good. They have deductibles and they have higher out of pocket maximums. Not good. __________________ Dum Spiro Spero IC XC NIKA
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Desoxyn Metaphysic Member Since Aug 2016 Location: The Netherlands Posts: 13,030 (SuperPoster!) 8 4,931 hugs given	Aug 25, 2020 at 12:16 PM #17 I wake up and the OCD hell continues but in the morning this time instead of the evening.
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Desoxyn Metaphysic Member Since Aug 2016 Location: The Netherlands Posts: 13,030 (SuperPoster!) 8 4,931 hugs given	Aug 25, 2020 at 12:50 PM #18 "Most people with OCD are ashamed of our thoughts. Once you are able to open up about them to your therapist, they slowly lose power over you as you begin to realize that they are just that - thoughts. Hope you find healing!"
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falcon09 Grand Magnate Member Since Feb 2015 Location: United States Posts: 3,022 9 1,869 hugs given	Aug 25, 2020 at 02:45 PM #20 woke up super late __________________
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