Roll Call 177

Desoxyn · Dec 05, 2020 at 06:36 PM

I stayed awake for 36 hours and by that time, my sister and I met my mom at a restaurant. She asked me "Are you OK?" and I told her that I was going to sleep in the morning but took the stimulant and decided to stay awake.

I felt paranoid, couldn't recall any of my memory, didn't understand social cues, couldn't read the menu and couldn't pay attention to conversations.

Never again will I do this! Lack of sleep is horrible for me. I'm more aware now so I notice how sketched out I was.

I slept for 14 hours but my cognition is still not that good so maybe I'll feel better in 1-2 days. I'm gonna make sure to sleep well every night from now on. I'm able to focus much better with good sleep.

Blue_Bird · Dec 05, 2020 at 06:42 PM

My sister is going to give me a bunch of chicken cutlets and a nice piece of beef. That will help me out a lot because money is kind of tight for the rest of the month after buying Christmas presents, the tree, and all the decorations

Blue_Bird · Dec 05, 2020 at 06:59 PM

I've been having a panic attack for the past hour and a half and it's my own fault because I drank coffee all day. I feel stressed out about the inspection on Monday too

Blue_Bird · Dec 05, 2020 at 07:16 PM

I'm cutting out caffeine until I can moderate my intake better, I'll just get a bag of really strong coffee, death wish, and have a cup or 2 of that once in awhile. But I'm taking a break from it totally for a few months

WastingAsparagus · Dec 05, 2020 at 07:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Desoxyn

I stayed awake for 36 hours and by that time, my sister and I met my mom at a restaurant. She asked me "Are you OK?" and I told her that I was going to sleep in the morning but took the stimulant and decided to stay awake.

I felt paranoid, couldn't recall any of my memory, didn't understand social cues, couldn't read the menu and couldn't pay attention to conversations.

Never again will I do this! Lack of sleep is horrible for me. I'm more aware now so I notice how sketched out I was.

I slept for 14 hours but my cognition is still not that good so maybe I'll feel better in 1-2 days. I'm gonna make sure to sleep well every night from now on. I'm able to focus much better with good sleep.

Sleep is good. There was one time that I stayed up for at least 24 hours and it didn't go too well. When I get poor quality sleep, I am much more likely to have mental health symptoms.

Blue_Bird · Dec 05, 2020 at 08:29 PM

Well I made some tea, now am gonna play some Animal Crossing since it's relaxing

newtus · Dec 05, 2020 at 08:30 PM

Some scratch art I made just sitting here just now

Sometimes psychotic · Dec 05, 2020 at 09:55 PM

Thinking of doing a pot roast for Xmas....it would be good. Possibly Olive Garden for the eve. Bf and I decided we’d split dinner as our gift to one another because we both have everything we need.

Desoxyn · Dec 05, 2020 at 10:35 PM

Is it my fault that I am the way I am?

Maybe it's paranoia but I don't think anyone here really likes me at all because I'm either too out of control or self critical.

What are things that I can change about myself?

Be honest.

Sometimes psychotic · Dec 05, 2020 at 10:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Desoxyn

Is it my fault that I am the way I am?

Maybe it's paranoia but I don't think anyone here really likes me at all because I'm either too out of control or self critical.

What are things that I can change about myself?

Everyone here loves you, but it’s hard to comment when there isn’t an obvious solution.....

Desoxyn · Dec 05, 2020 at 10:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sometimes psychotic

Everyone here loves you, but it’s hard to comment when there isn’t an obvious solution.....

The good thing about what people have liked about me or what my family likes about me is dampened with the Invega Trinza - So far I have to wait a few weeks maybe to feel like myself again.

The olanzepine too. I'm not very cognitively there right now so I can't really type. But if I'm not on much antipsychotic, I feel like how I was yesterday with lack of sleep and I never want to go to that place again.

But thanks <3

I'm really in a realm where it feels like I could go in any direction. I've wasted a week or two being unproductive, talking with online friends, music. I'm in a lot of pain. I don't know what happened - I was so unaware of myself and the world and I feel like I want to slip back into that place. Growth hurts.

Desoxyn · Dec 05, 2020 at 10:50 PM

I'm just so damn tired that I feel like I can't keep up with my expectations. I said I would do 2 things a day but even that is overwhelming because I want to do more.

I'm going to sleep.. It feels like my reality and mind are melting.

newtus · Dec 06, 2020 at 10:25 AM

Kind of lonely today

Blue_Bird · Dec 06, 2020 at 10:42 AM

I'm trying to come up with a good morning routine and stick to it.

Ideally I'd like to be up at 5:30 am
-Drink water first thing
Then -Meditate for 30 minutes
-take a shower, brush teeth, etc
-Do some morning yoga
-Eat breakfast
-Take meds
-Make my bed
-Take a walk
-Come home and read for 30 minutes at least

newtus · Dec 06, 2020 at 10:43 AM

Desoxyn · Dec 06, 2020 at 10:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

I'm trying to come up with a good morning routine and stick to it.

Ideally I'd like to be up at 5:30 am
-Drink water first thing
Then -Meditate for 30 minutes
-take a shower, brush teeth, etc
-Do some morning yoga
-Eat breakfast
-Take meds
-Make my bed
-Take a walk
-Come home and read for 30 minutes at least

That's very similar to what i wrote down. I neglected the thought though and trying to find a way to get back to it..

Blue_Bird · Dec 06, 2020 at 11:44 AM

Finished decorating the Christmas tree 🎄

newtus · Dec 06, 2020 at 11:53 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

Finished decorating the Christmas tree

Nice!!!!!!!

newtus · Dec 06, 2020 at 11:54 AM

Me too!

Blue_Bird · Dec 06, 2020 at 01:13 PM

I like your tree Newtus, and your sign above your couch, your apartment looks very nice.

I have an apartment inspection tomorrow. I just have to remind myself that I've had these plenty of times before and there's never an issue. I just get very stressed out about them for some reason. I think it has to do with fear of getting kicked out which isn't gonna happen, but it's a fear related to growing up homeless often with my mom

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Roll Call 177

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Blue_Bird Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jun 2013 Location: Hogwarts Posts: 37,177 (SuperPoster!) 11 14.7k hugs given	Dec 05, 2020 at 06:59 PM #303 I've been having a panic attack for the past hour and a half and it's my own fault because I drank coffee all day. I feel stressed out about the inspection on Monday too __________________ “All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi
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Blue_Bird Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jun 2013 Location: Hogwarts Posts: 37,177 (SuperPoster!) 11 14.7k hugs given	Dec 05, 2020 at 07:16 PM #304 I'm cutting out caffeine until I can moderate my intake better, I'll just get a bag of really strong coffee, death wish, and have a cup or 2 of that once in awhile. But I'm taking a break from it totally for a few months __________________ “All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi
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Blue_Bird Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jun 2013 Location: Hogwarts Posts: 37,177 (SuperPoster!) 11 14.7k hugs given	Dec 05, 2020 at 08:29 PM #306 Well I made some tea, now am gonna play some Animal Crossing since it's relaxing __________________ “All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi
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newtus The Dopamine Flux Member Since Jun 2010 Location: Ardenweald Posts: 43,644 (SuperPoster!) 14 867 hugs given	Dec 05, 2020 at 08:30 PM #307 Some scratch art I made just sitting here just now __________________ "We're all born to broken people on their most honest day of living" The Dopamine Flux www.thedopamineflux.com Youtube channel https://www.youtube.com/user/MozePrayIII
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Sometimes psychotic Legendary Wise Elder Member Since May 2013 Location: Chicago Posts: 26,421 (SuperPoster!) 11 22.8k hugs given	Dec 05, 2020 at 09:55 PM #308 Thinking of doing a pot roast for Xmas....it would be good. Possibly Olive Garden for the eve. Bf and I decided we’d split dinner as our gift to one another because we both have everything we need. __________________ Hugs!
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Desoxyn Metaphysic Member Since Aug 2016 Location: The Netherlands Posts: 13,024 (SuperPoster!) 8 4,929 hugs given	Dec 05, 2020 at 10:35 PM #309 Is it my fault that I am the way I am? Maybe it's paranoia but I don't think anyone here really likes me at all because I'm either too out of control or self critical. What are things that I can change about myself? Be honest.
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Desoxyn Metaphysic Member Since Aug 2016 Location: The Netherlands Posts: 13,024 (SuperPoster!) 8 4,929 hugs given	Dec 05, 2020 at 10:50 PM #312 I'm just so damn tired that I feel like I can't keep up with my expectations. I said I would do 2 things a day but even that is overwhelming because I want to do more. I'm going to sleep.. It feels like my reality and mind are melting.
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newtus The Dopamine Flux Member Since Jun 2010 Location: Ardenweald Posts: 43,644 (SuperPoster!) 14 867 hugs given	Dec 06, 2020 at 10:25 AM #313 Kind of lonely today __________________ "We're all born to broken people on their most honest day of living" The Dopamine Flux www.thedopamineflux.com Youtube channel https://www.youtube.com/user/MozePrayIII
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newtus The Dopamine Flux Member Since Jun 2010 Location: Ardenweald Posts: 43,644 (SuperPoster!) 14 867 hugs given	Dec 06, 2020 at 10:43 AM #315 __________________ "We're all born to broken people on their most honest day of living" The Dopamine Flux www.thedopamineflux.com Youtube channel https://www.youtube.com/user/MozePrayIII
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newtus The Dopamine Flux Member Since Jun 2010 Location: Ardenweald Posts: 43,644 (SuperPoster!) 14 867 hugs given	Dec 06, 2020 at 11:54 AM #319 Me too! __________________ "We're all born to broken people on their most honest day of living" The Dopamine Flux www.thedopamineflux.com Youtube channel https://www.youtube.com/user/MozePrayIII
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