Roll Call 177

I might call my doctor (psych) about this tomorrow and see what she says. Our appointment isn't until the 29th and I'm kind of freaked out about the metformin so I want either reassurance that I just have to be careful about eating enough, having simple sugars on hand, etc or for her to take me off it if it's dangerous.

I hope I'm not wasting her time by calling

Usually the hard candies that are pure sugar.....

Okay so I have a plan. I'll buy some honey, some frosting, some fruit juice and soda , and some hard candies to keep in my purse. Since all those things can raise blood sugar quickly, want to be prepared.

pretty sure the wellbutrin sent me manic

thinking about getting back on clozaril, I didn't really give the drug a chance

I think I'm just gonna stop the metformin actually tomorrow and explain to my doctor at my next appointment that I don't want to risk taking it anymore, its too scary. I guess I'll gain the 15 lbs I lost back, maybe, we'll see. Oh well, at least I won't die from hypoglycemia.

When I'm in psychosis, I feel like it's more real than objective reality - But there's so much pain and suffering - And it feels destructive.

Right now I'm kind of in the middle.. But I think it's normal to be in the middle.. Other people can be the opposite of psychosis - I think that's literally ecstasy.

"Opposite of the state of being seriously mentally ill. sanity. soundness. wisdom. mind."

So basically I'm on the right path to pursuing spirituality and doing meditation. Those Buddhist monks have it all right.. Sitting in temples in the mountains.. It's a real thing. As the world ends, they transcend space and time - A new life. The shamans do what they can to heal.

"most things are a spectrum… not exactly opposite… in math it happens sometimes… the sqaure root of -1 is i… where as the the square root of 1 is 1… 1 DNE(does not equal) 1 or -1… so that breaks absolute opposites in one case at least… Not all colors have opposites… There is no anti-gravity… No one is negative 6 feet tall…"

There can be people negative 6ft tall.. - They're dead no? 6ft under.. idk..

"Normal-osis.
Overwhelmingly dull repetitive, desperate acts to appear similar to every other schmuck they see."

Many addicts eventually turn to things like spirituality, exercise, rebuilding relationships, etc.. I thought it was stupid that I had to hit "Rock bottom" to change.. But it's true. Seems like it jinxes itself out of this existence for even noticing it. But every rock bottom you hit, it gets more elevated and easier. No wonder psychedelics have great anti-addictive properties.. And my vision is manifesting properly..

I decided to stop myself from relapsing in psychosis and addiction before I wrote this.. It's much easier to just stop myself from being addicted if I set my mind to it - Because I have a comfortable home, family that loves me, opportunities, etc.. Hundreds of things to be grateful for.

I woke myself up with a coughing fit over an hour ago. I'm waking my new roommates and I feel terrible about it. I wish I could go home.

Drinking Grape Koolaid. I might have a diet root beer too. I begged my friend to bring me some things, and hopefully that will be ok today. Wondering if it would be pressing my luck to ask for a 2 liter of Pepsi.

Left a message with my doctor about the medication dilemma.

I'm going grocery shopping in a little while, first time I've been to a grocery store in over a month, maybe even 2 months. So it will be intimidating, but it should be okay.

My inspection went well, lasted all of like 2 minutes, no big deal. I worry over stupid things all the time.

Got the grocery shopping done. I seemed to be experiencing low blood sugar again when I was on the bus going there so when I got out, before I went into the store, I ate a nutri grain bar from my purse. I haven't taken metformin today so I don't know how that's possible, or maybe it's just left over effects from last nights dose. Or maybe I just ate my breakfast too early. I don't know. But I got everything I wanted at the store.

Yay I get to try out embroidery!

Drank 3 cups of coffee.

I’m like

Anyway

"We're all born to broken people on their most honest day of living"

The Dopamine Flux
www.thedopamineflux.com

Youtube channel
https://www.youtube.com/user/MozePrayIII

Yeah I drank 4 cups yesterday and only slept 3 hours last night. So far I've only drank 2 today

Omg I’m so on edge cuz this coffee now

"We're all born to broken people on their most honest day of living"

The Dopamine Flux
www.thedopamineflux.com

Youtube channel
https://www.youtube.com/user/MozePrayIII

I need to quit while I’m at it

"We're all born to broken people on their most honest day of living"

The Dopamine Flux
www.thedopamineflux.com

Youtube channel
https://www.youtube.com/user/MozePrayIII

My coworker sent me a Christmas gift! I didn't want to open it because I don't have much under the tree but she said she wanted me to. It's a little glass lighted Christmas tree. Except you can't see the lights lit real well with the lights on in my office so I turned the lights out and now it is much better. I'll enclose a picture too.

Dang the picture came out sideways!

Wow that is beautiful!

That's a cute tree SK!