Roll Call 177

Blue_Bird · Dec 16, 2020 at 08:35 PM

I'm pretty sure my therapist uses CBT but I haven't asked directly about it before. I'll have to see if we can start working on my fears with food and pills next time we talk. I honestly forgot to mention it today because in other ways I'm doing really well and I was focused on that more than my anxiety so I didn't bring it up.

Thanks SP!

WastingAsparagus · Dec 16, 2020 at 08:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

I can talk to my therapist about it next time we speak, I'll try the woebot app too

I might suggest that you do the book and talk to your therapist. I am not familiar with the app. I actually have that anxiety and phobia workbook and it's pretty good. But I've been working on my anxiety with my therapist, too. It's good to have a live person with experience in treating such things because they can give you insights you might not get from a book alone. That is at least my experience in trying to deal with anxiety.

WastingAsparagus · Dec 16, 2020 at 08:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Desoxyn

I took one benzo in 2 weeks? Maybe 1-2 others idk..

Today was a good day skiing + BBQ again. My mom feels very happy that we got to ski on her day off - My sister too.

I went to lie down and felt pressure in my chest.. So I took 0.25mg of clonazepam and it disappeared! It could be because of the phenibut.. Or possible benzo withdrawal.. Idk..

I don't understand when people tell me not to do things that are bad for my mental illness (Such as psychedelics) cuz I have schizophrenia cuz 1. I've already done them and they saved my life and 2. I'm obsessed and therefore can't not.

I'll let you all know how the 0.1g microdose works. If I get any depersonalization/derealization, I just simply won't take them anymore.

According to these subjective accounts, microdosing can help in a wide variety of ways:

Anxiety—academic, general, or social, Asperger’s Syndrome, Athletic Performance – boosted energy and stamina, Bipolar Disorder, Contentment – aids in “living in the now”, Creativity, Depression, Dexterity – driving, playing a musical instrument, etc., Empathy – increased caring and consideration for others, Healthy choices – better adherence to meditation, yoga, exercise, and diet routines, Job performance – increased production, greater enjoyment and satisfaction, Learning – promotes greater focus; languages, computer programming, advanced math, Menstruation – eases PMS symptoms, pain, and cramping, Migraines, Mood elevation, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD), Procrastination, Problem-solving, Psychotherapy – grants greater personal insight, Recovery from addiction, Stuttering, Trauma – reduces unexpected triggers, Writing – eliminates writer’s block....

^-; Honestly idk how I keep living like this..

I wish I could ski these days. Living like what? I'm not sure what you mean by that.

Blue_Bird · Dec 16, 2020 at 08:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by WastingAsparagus

I might suggest that you do the book and talk to your therapist. I am not familiar with the app. I actually have that anxiety and phobia workbook and it's pretty good. But I've been working on my anxiety with my therapist, too. It's good to have a live person with experience in treating such things because they can give you insights you might not get from a book alone. That is at least my experience in trying to deal with anxiety.

Thanks! Yes I've used that workbook in the past to deal with my anxiety and it helped, but that was long before I developed my fears/phobia with food and taking pills so it might be a good idea to check it out again. I'll definitely talk to my therapist about it

Sometimes psychotic · Dec 16, 2020 at 08:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

I can talk to my therapist about it next time we speak, I'll try the woebot app too

In a way my anxiety is much like psychosis....someone else needs to provide a reality check in a way. But one thing also handy is ACT and you can learn that without a T. One aspect of ACT is guided meditation. For example if you’re having distressing thoughts you can think of a tree overhanging a stream. Picture a leaf dropping in the stream and floating downstream....everytime you have a thought...positive, negative or otherwise attach it to a leaf and watch it drift away. You don’t judge the thoughts just watch them drift away.

Desoxyn · Dec 16, 2020 at 08:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by WastingAsparagus

I wish I could ski these days. Living like what? I'm not sure what you mean by that.

Living.. with zero common sense.. lol

Blue_Bird · Dec 16, 2020 at 08:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sometimes psychotic

In a way my anxiety is much like psychosis....someone else needs to provide a reality check in a way. But one thing also handy is ACT and you can learn that without a T. One aspect of ACT is guided meditation. For example if you’re having distressing thoughts you can think of a tree overhanging a stream. Picture a leaf dropping in the stream and floating downstream....everytime you have a thought...positive, negative or otherwise attach it to a leaf and watch it drift away. You don’t judge the thoughts just watch them drift away.

Thanks, I'll look that up too

Desoxyn · Dec 16, 2020 at 08:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Desoxyn

Living.. with zero common sense.. lol

No don't mind me my mood is only like this on phenibut days.

I plan to take another very long break unless I go completely apathetic, depressed, sui, nihilistic again..

I can't take SSRI's anymore because they give me panic attacks and make me feel emotionally numb.

Blue_Bird · Dec 16, 2020 at 08:51 PM

I think next month I'm gonna have my sister pick up some Chinese takeout for me. That will be my treat for the month. Sweet and sour chicken, pork fried rice, and an egg roll. Haven't had it in awhile.

This month I'm getting pizza and cheesecake from that place down the road. I'll have it on New Years Eve to celebrate.

Blue_Bird · Dec 16, 2020 at 08:53 PM

I'm trying to have a better relationship with food and my body. It's hard but I'm trying.

Maybe I should stop actively trying to lose weight. I'm 143 lbs. I mean I am going to get on an alternative med to help offset the weight gain from antipsychotics. But maybe it's not healthy for me to focus on losing weight constantly due to my eating disorder history. Idk. I get obsessed fast.

Desoxyn · Dec 16, 2020 at 09:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

I'm trying to have a better relationship with food and my body. It's hard but I'm trying.

Maybe I should stop actively trying to lose weight. I'm 143 lbs. I mean I am going to get on an alternative med to help offset the weight gain from antipsychotics. But maybe it's not healthy for me to focus on losing weight constantly due to my eating disorder history. Idk. I get obsessed fast.

143 is good! I'm 178. If I go to 200, I'll consider doing something about it but I don't really care enough. Sometimes I do but not much anymore....

Desoxyn · Dec 16, 2020 at 09:01 PM

Since COVID has happened, my weight is the least of my worries heh..

Desoxyn · Dec 16, 2020 at 09:16 PM

Not saying you people should give up hope!

Anxiety has never been a thing with me (Generalized Anxiety Disorder). The only time I feel anxiety is when I am dissociating (DP/DR)..

The reason I'm never anxious is maybe because I enjoy adrenaline.. The reason that I'm not having dissociation from reality anymore is because I've accepted a philosophy that deems reality to be an illusion..

I have Pure-O OCD and some compulsions.. But sometimes I enjoy thinking and philosophizing.... Being creative..

It's hard to get into this state if you've never been there.. But the main thing is to not take things too seriously as Alan Watts would say.. (Listening to Alan Watts can cause existential dread for me though sometimes).

Exhaustion plays a roll. You may be in "Burnout" mode. I definitely am - COVID, economy, isolation, etc.. So much fear these days..

Try not to drink as much coffee! Anxiety juice..

Dopaminergic stimulants help me as well. When I can focus, I have no anxiety.. Because then I have the ability to chose to focus on what ever I want. I can even chose to direct my focus away from psychosis idk

Very interesting things yet to be discovered in this black hole multiverse of my existence....

Blue_Bird · Dec 16, 2020 at 09:37 PM

Yeah I've been drinking too much coffee. I need to take a break for a little while. I've had 4 cups everyday for the past 3 days. Plus I'm drinking a Pepsi right now which has caffeine in it.

I feel hopeful that I can make some changes in my life and in my mindset/brain though.

Desoxyn · Dec 16, 2020 at 09:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

Yeah I've been drinking too much coffee. I need to take a break for a little while. I've had 4 cups everyday for the past 3 days. Plus I'm drinking a Pepsi right now which has caffeine in it.

I feel hopeful that I can make some changes in my life and in my mindset/brain though.

I think you're doing well considering things =] You're smart but you have worries.... 1% try to get out of it every day..

You're on bupropion (Wellbutrin) right? Or did you stop taking it?

Sometimes psychotic · Dec 16, 2020 at 09:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

I'm trying to have a better relationship with food and my body. It's hard but I'm trying.

Maybe I should stop actively trying to lose weight. I'm 143 lbs. I mean I am going to get on an alternative med to help offset the weight gain from antipsychotics. But maybe it's not healthy for me to focus on losing weight constantly due to my eating disorder history. Idk. I get obsessed fast.

I wish I were 143.....

Blue_Bird · Dec 16, 2020 at 09:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Desoxyn

I think you're doing well considering things =] You're smart but you have worries.... 1% try to get out of it every day..

You're on bupropion (Wellbutrin) right? Or did you stop taking it?

Yes I'm still on that, I take 300mg. I might see about getting off of it though, I don't think I need it anymore. Does that cause anxiety?

Blue_Bird · Dec 16, 2020 at 09:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sometimes psychotic

I wish I were 143.....

You look great though!

I should be thankful. I was 235 lbs for awhile, when I got off invega I lost all the weight I gained. I mean, I'm not at my pre med weight but it's still in the healthy range for my height.

Desoxyn · Dec 16, 2020 at 10:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

Yes I'm still on that, I take 300mg. I might see about getting off of it though, I don't think I need it anymore. Does that cause anxiety?

It can cause physical anxiety but it's a very mild stimulant. It gave me anxiety but I wasn't doing well at the time. As long as you're mentally strong and stable, it can be a really good antidepressant.

Some desperate people inject it to get high and it eats the flesh in their arms because it's caustic.. So there's that.. (But it's not caustic when taken orally because the stomach can tolerate it - So don't worry).

But mixing it with coffee might be the problem. The Wellbutrin shouldn't give anxiety on it's own - But can synergies with the caffeine to cause more anxiety than caffeine alone.

On it's own, it should help keep you awake, focused and increase your mood once you're not withdrawing from caffeine.

Wellbutrin is good but I like Dexedrine. I'm on a low-moderate dose of it - It's just that higher doses significantly increase my focus but I should be happy with the dose that I have...

Blue_Bird · Dec 16, 2020 at 10:54 PM

I'm having really bad akathisia tonight and I didn't know what to do so I took some of my klonopin. It's like torture. I haven't had it since starting the thorazine and perphenazine like a year ago.

I wonder if caffeine can make it worse, I had a lot of caffeine today

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Roll Call 177

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Desoxyn Metaphysic Member Since Aug 2016 Location: The Netherlands Posts: 13,005 (SuperPoster!) 7 4,919 hugs given	Dec 16, 2020 at 09:01 PM #652 Since COVID has happened, my weight is the least of my worries heh..
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