Roll Call 178

So after the realization a few days/weeks ago about how I’m out of touch with my emotions, here’s the keys I found on how to work on it.

1. Figuring out why you’re having the emotion
2. Figuring out what sensation in your body that you’re having
3. Thinking about the deeper meaning behind the emotion. Not just figuring out what triggers the emotion but also figuring out why’s that emotion that’s being triggered
4. Telling yourself that it’s safe to have that emotion
5. Finding out the proper way to direct your emotion
6. Putting the right emotion for things that are really matter in your life.

After I got out of the numb feeling that I experienced for years, I became a ball of emotions. I cry, laugh, angry, etc easily. But it doesn’t mean that I’m consciously aware of my emotions. Therefore they just jump out of nowhere, exploding fast and messy, like when you shake a soda and pop it out. So yeah I hope by using these steps I can control my emotions better.

Realized I don't want to do my job anymore. I am not going to do it anymore. I need more meaningful things to do in my life.

I miss traveling. I feel at home when I’m around strangers.

Me too. I am still grieving the loss of being able to be abroad this year. It hit me pretty hard, to say the least.

It’s something I wanna do is to travel. However I gotta get over my fear of the plane ride and going on highway..

Plane scares me too. But there’s this strength that comes out of me when I’m on it. The strength of letting go your control over your safety. Over your life. Once you leave the plane you’d appreciate your life more.

I like traveling abroad. The sound of a language that I don’t understand is peaceful.

Work is really hard. I mean like really, really hard.

I can't get my head together enough to work.

Mannnn for me to even travel down the street is scary for me. I couldn’t imagine traveling across the world. I’m afraid of people.

"We're all born to broken people on their most honest day of living"

The Dopamine Flux
www.thedopamineflux.com

Youtube channel
https://www.youtube.com/user/MozePrayIII

Travel to my country, they treat foreigners like kings because they assume you have a lot of money 💰

I am feeling badly again and I think I might try to do an IOP again. Crap.

Have an appointment with my psych NP tomorrow (over the phone). Last time we talked was a month ago, I started that new med topamax last month and haven't had any problems with it and it helps so that's good. And in general I'm doing really well. I mean, every now and then I'll have a kind of low day or 2 but that's normal life. I'm happy, haven't had a panic attack in 34 days. That's what I'm really shocked about, the lack of panic attacks. I don't know what changed, because before this it had been years of not being able to go even a week without a few panic attacks and sometimes even more/daily. It's weird. It's like something in my brain changed, in a good way.

Maybe my faith is helping too. In addition to everything else. Because I am getting in touch with my faith again and that helped me a lot in the past. Today was day 25 of the year long daily Bible study. Just having that daily inspiration is helpful.

Idk, I just enjoy things more, like every little moment. Drinking a warm cup of coffee, watching a good show, playing ukulele, reading, arts crafts, my hobbies, all the little moments. Staying in the moment. Yoga, having a healthy lifestyle. Or doing my best to do so. Just feeling really good.

Idk about y’all but there’s a fck ton of bugs in the south.

"We're all born to broken people on their most honest day of living"

The Dopamine Flux
www.thedopamineflux.com

Youtube channel
https://www.youtube.com/user/MozePrayIII

In the North all the bugs die in the winter. Or hibernate. But stupid bugs in the summer for sure.

Ohio doesn’t have as many bugs as compared to the southern states.

Do you think that the SSRI is finally working? That's very interesting.. When I got put on an SSRI, I backed out because it made my panic attacks worse.. But I guess I didn't give it a chance.

Idk, I have been on SSRI's for years

I switched to zoloft like 5 months ago, from paxil

It’s nice to see people requesting my music on these music apps. I just need to put out more music. Aka spoken word poetry. I also need to get an adapter for my MacBook to record.

"We're all born to broken people on their most honest day of living"

The Dopamine Flux
www.thedopamineflux.com

Youtube channel
https://www.youtube.com/user/MozePrayIII