Roll Call 180

Desoxyn · Mar 01, 2021 at 12:52 AM

I walked outside for a walk around the block before sleep. Saw the moon, it's getting warmer + the music.. Makes me feel sad.

What has become of this incarnation of reality that I'm in?

I need good friends and excitement etc.. I can't just sit alone all day and be left to my own devices.. I can't find any true meaning.

Last spring/summer was good. I stayed up all night some nights. I can't remember where the time went.

I'm at a point where my meds and mental health is good - So now life has opened up it's doors and imma walk through.. But I don't know where to go after that.

I'm just becoming very grateful and such without even trying to be.

cogladaid · Mar 01, 2021 at 08:17 AM

I barely slept. I know I fell asleep at some point because I had a dream, but I spent a lot of the night staring at the wall.

cogladaid · Mar 01, 2021 at 08:25 AM

A big part of me yesterday wanted to go buy some sour THC gummies and try them. To have fun a party. But I didn’t.

I’m just not thinking right.

cogladaid · Mar 01, 2021 at 08:49 AM

I haven’t drank halzenut coffee forever and it’s bringing back old feelings. Like certain perfumes bring back old feelings too.

cogladaid · Mar 01, 2021 at 09:46 AM

I feel all this unfocused energy I want to read all these books I have and write code and learn the mysteries of the universe and math and dance and drink.

Everything except work.

cogladaid · Mar 01, 2021 at 09:59 AM

My RL friends don’t want to talk to me I think I’ve annoyed them too much while they’re trying to work. Everyone so busy no one has time to talk.

I just wanna talk talk talk I don’t know about what just random stuff. Mental illness and how it messes with people.

I just want something to keep me busy and focused I can’t focus on work right now I’m a bad employee.

newtus · Mar 01, 2021 at 10:10 AM

I drank decaf coffee and I feel nauseous

Maybe it’s coffee in general idk

Cuz I can drink Red Bull and have no effect. But coffee makes me nauseous.

cogladaid · Mar 01, 2021 at 10:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by newtus

I drank decaf coffee and I feel nauseous

Maybe it’s coffee in general idk

Cuz I can drink Red Bull and have no effect. But coffee makes me nauseous.

Yeah could be too acidic for you.

newtus · Mar 01, 2021 at 10:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cogladaid

Yeah could be too acidic for you.

Yea I think it is. I also deal with acid reflux so that doesn’t help.

cogladaid · Mar 01, 2021 at 10:17 AM

Yay I bought a cleansing brush it looks awesome.

WastingAsparagus · Mar 01, 2021 at 10:17 AM

I just want to be functional again. I have been semi- or non-functional for a while now. I am just so tired in the mornings. I used to have energy.

cogladaid · Mar 01, 2021 at 10:22 AM

I talk to my doctor this afternoon can’t come soon enough it’s frustrating waiting for things and I can’t focus I just want to doooooo things just not work I’m trying to work I got some done but I have a loooot to do and I can’t focus damn brain just going going gonnneeee.

cogladaid · Mar 01, 2021 at 10:24 AM

I want my cleansing brush so I can deep clean my face. Gonna have the cleanest ****ing face.

newtus · Mar 01, 2021 at 10:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by WastingAsparagus

I just want to be functional again. I have been semi- or non-functional for a while now. I am just so tired in the mornings. I used to have energy.

This is EXACTLY how I feel right now. All of this.

cogladaid · Mar 01, 2021 at 10:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by WastingAsparagus

I just want to be functional again. I have been semi- or non-functional for a while now. I am just so tired in the mornings. I used to have energy.

I have so much energy right now but I don’t feel functional at all I’m sitting in front of my computer but I can’t focus on any one thing for too long.

Atypical_Disaster · Mar 01, 2021 at 10:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by WastingAsparagus

I just want to be functional again. I have been semi- or non-functional for a while now. I am just so tired in the mornings. I used to have energy.

oh how i relate... sorry you're struggling

Atypical_Disaster · Mar 01, 2021 at 10:41 AM

they really don't know what to do about me, they can't even agree on any diagnosis consistently (other than NPD and ASPD, but even non professionals know this so they're not exactly telling me anything i don't already know. PAH!)

i'm getting evaluated for ECT though because regardless of what you call my problems i'm pretty ****ed up right now tbh.;

cogladaid · Mar 01, 2021 at 10:55 AM

I’ve been limiting myself to one cup of coffee a day and then the rest of the day tea mostly herbal tea.

I don’t need extra energy unless I’m studying I’m full of energy I don’t need it I am pure energy I will overthrow god.

cogladaid · Mar 01, 2021 at 11:00 AM

I need something to calm me down. They took away my seroquel and I’m almost out of abilify im trying to follow my doctor’s instructions but nothing is helping I’m full of energy but my sanity is exhausted.

Maybe I’ll just yell at my doctor to sedate me that worked before lmao.

junkDNA · Mar 01, 2021 at 11:45 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cogladaid

I’m dreading having a shower. Gross but it’s been a week. Someone will notice if I don’t take a shower. Ugh. I should try to enjoy it. Just quick in and out I can do it.

I've been struggling with taking showers. I take one 1x a week

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Roll Call 180

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cogladaid Elder Member Since Jul 2015 Location: Nowhere Posts: 5,565 8	Mar 01, 2021 at 08:17 AM #502 I barely slept. I know I fell asleep at some point because I had a dream, but I spent a lot of the night staring at the wall.
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cogladaid Elder Member Since Jul 2015 Location: Nowhere Posts: 5,565 8	Mar 01, 2021 at 08:25 AM #503 A big part of me yesterday wanted to go buy some sour THC gummies and try them. To have fun a party. But I didn’t. I’m just not thinking right.
	Reply With Quote

cogladaid Elder Member Since Jul 2015 Location: Nowhere Posts: 5,565 8	Mar 01, 2021 at 08:49 AM #504 I haven’t drank halzenut coffee forever and it’s bringing back old feelings. Like certain perfumes bring back old feelings too.
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cogladaid Elder Member Since Jul 2015 Location: Nowhere Posts: 5,565 8	Mar 01, 2021 at 09:46 AM #505 I feel all this unfocused energy I want to read all these books I have and write code and learn the mysteries of the universe and math and dance and drink. Everything except work.
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newtus The Dopamine Flux Member Since Jun 2010 Location: Ardenweald Posts: 43,644 (SuperPoster!) 13 867 hugs given	Mar 01, 2021 at 10:10 AM #507 I drank decaf coffee and I feel nauseous Maybe it’s coffee in general idk Cuz I can drink Red Bull and have no effect. But coffee makes me nauseous. __________________ "We're all born to broken people on their most honest day of living" The Dopamine Flux www.thedopamineflux.com Youtube channel https://www.youtube.com/user/MozePrayIII
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cogladaid Elder Member Since Jul 2015 Location: Nowhere Posts: 5,565 8	Mar 01, 2021 at 10:17 AM #510 Yay I bought a cleansing brush it looks awesome.
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WastingAsparagus Student of Life Member Since Mar 2014 Location: South America Posts: 4,658 10 2,911 hugs given	Mar 01, 2021 at 10:17 AM #511 I just want to be functional again. I have been semi- or non-functional for a while now. I am just so tired in the mornings. I used to have energy. __________________ "Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it!”
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cogladaid Elder Member Since Jul 2015 Location: Nowhere Posts: 5,565 8	Mar 01, 2021 at 10:22 AM #512 I talk to my doctor this afternoon can’t come soon enough it’s frustrating waiting for things and I can’t focus I just want to doooooo things just not work I’m trying to work I got some done but I have a loooot to do and I can’t focus damn brain just going going gonnneeee.
	Reply With Quote

cogladaid Elder Member Since Jul 2015 Location: Nowhere Posts: 5,565 8	Mar 01, 2021 at 10:24 AM #513 I want my cleansing brush so I can deep clean my face. Gonna have the cleanest ****ing face.
	Reply With Quote

Atypical_Disaster Elder Member Since Mar 2011 Location: Nowhere noteworthy. Posts: 7,142 13 7,354 hugs given	Mar 01, 2021 at 10:41 AM #517 they really don't know what to do about me, they can't even agree on any diagnosis consistently (other than NPD and ASPD, but even non professionals know this so they're not exactly telling me anything i don't already know. PAH!) i'm getting evaluated for ECT though because regardless of what you call my problems i'm pretty ****ed up right now tbh.;
	Reply With Quote

cogladaid Elder Member Since Jul 2015 Location: Nowhere Posts: 5,565 8	Mar 01, 2021 at 10:55 AM #518 I’ve been limiting myself to one cup of coffee a day and then the rest of the day tea mostly herbal tea. I don’t need extra energy unless I’m studying I’m full of energy I don’t need it I am pure energy I will overthrow god.
	Reply With Quote

cogladaid Elder Member Since Jul 2015 Location: Nowhere Posts: 5,565 8	Mar 01, 2021 at 11:00 AM #519 I need something to calm me down. They took away my seroquel and I’m almost out of abilify im trying to follow my doctor’s instructions but nothing is helping I’m full of energy but my sanity is exhausted. Maybe I’ll just yell at my doctor to sedate me that worked before lmao.
	Reply With Quote