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Default Mar 06, 2021 at 10:10 PM
  #781
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Originally Posted by Desoxyn View Post
Yes. I once had a friend.. He was very interesting - And I thought of him as kinda narcissistic.. I just didn't know what to say - I was like "Wow.. This person is genius, cool millionaire that beat the system.." BUT.. I knew that I could learn from him... If I knew about cryptic messaging, I'd still have contact with him.

Other people just talk and talk - Need grounding. Often I have nothing in my head - Creativity dies from antipsychotic. It's weird how you KNOW that your mind is blank and like "I can't believe I'm not saying anything" and don't believe that it's happening.. It's like something traumatizing is happening.

I don't contact family members cuz Idk what to say.
Trauma can makes us freeze or fly away. I can’t handle people who keep talking non stop but people who are too quiet makes an awkward conversation as well. The balance is what I need.

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12AM
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Default Mar 06, 2021 at 10:14 PM
  #782
I was thinking, “I don’t feel like eating, am I that stressed that I’m loosing my appetite?” *insert dramatic sad face*, then I remembered I just ate a big bowl of ice cream no wonder I’m full 😂

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Default Mar 06, 2021 at 10:21 PM
  #783
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I feel OCD thoughts creeping in. This anxiety rising. I just washed my hands five times because I felt I had to for them to be clean.

Just what I need now.

Didn’t they just increase Abilify? I think that one can trigger ocd .

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Default Mar 07, 2021 at 01:03 AM
  #784
You guys will be proud of me - I logged into work today and the other day. I've worked a total of about 1 hour and a half. Tomorrow I scheduled 8 hours.

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Default Mar 07, 2021 at 01:09 AM
  #785
Also I feel like the Klonopin enabled me to work somewhat at least. I am not complaining but I think that the Klonopin helps me. I don't see why others are vehemently against benzos sometimes.

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Default Mar 07, 2021 at 01:13 AM
  #786
Damn it I just realized I hate benzos. What is wrong with me? I always cycle between two extremes.

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Default Mar 07, 2021 at 01:23 AM
  #787
I'm looking at generational meme philosophy. Horrors! lol..
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Default Mar 07, 2021 at 01:34 AM
  #788
The thing enabling me to work so much lately is this inspirational visualization-type meditation on motivation. I do it before I work and voila, there it is.

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Default Mar 07, 2021 at 01:35 AM
  #789
Boo, though, I already took my sedating night meds, I want to work more though.

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Default Mar 07, 2021 at 02:00 AM
  #790
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The thing enabling me to work so much lately is this inspirational visualization-type meditation on motivation. I do it before I work and voila, there it is.
I think this would really help me. I believe genius of ideas comes from a hypnotic state in certain brain waves between wakefulness and sleep. An inventor (I forget his name) used to put a bell on his chair so whenever he'd fall asleep, he'd wake up and write down his ideas. Was it Tesla? idk..

I think I'm slipping into a deep depression or it's just a Vyvanse crash.
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Default Mar 07, 2021 at 03:35 AM
  #791
I feel like I have Parkinson's Disease mentally
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Default Mar 07, 2021 at 03:47 AM
  #792
I think the Invega Trinza injection is doing more damage than good. I want to go off of it and keep the olanzepine.

I'll come back to this message. Since I can't make a choice between reality and psychosis, I'll build myself to lowering the injection slowly, slowly reminding myself through repetition to reach that goal.
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Default Mar 07, 2021 at 07:45 AM
  #793
I actually slept most of the night Roll Call 180

I went to bed at like 2 or 2:30am! That’s something cuz I usually don’t goto bed til about 8-9 or 10am!

Roll Call 180

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Default Mar 07, 2021 at 08:53 AM
  #794
Yeah I slept most of the night too but I am up pretty early. That usually doesn't happen for me.

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Default Mar 07, 2021 at 09:56 AM
  #795
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Didn’t they just increase Abilify? I think that one can trigger ocd .

I’ve been lowering it since I started the lithium.
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Default Mar 07, 2021 at 10:46 AM
  #796
Life is gooooooood today.

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Default Mar 07, 2021 at 03:26 PM
  #797
I didn’t have breakfast this morning and was galavanting around with my mom in search of ideas for tiles. Around 1pm I started feeling shaky and dizzy because I hadn’t eaten lunch at that point either. We came home and I ate some food but still feel a little dizzy so I’m laying down on the couch.

Side effects of not eating with meds, man. They’re real.
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Default Mar 07, 2021 at 04:22 PM
  #798
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I didn’t have breakfast this morning and was galavanting around with my mom in search of ideas for tiles. Around 1pm I started feeling shaky and dizzy because I hadn’t eaten lunch at that point either. We came home and I ate some food but still feel a little dizzy so I’m laying down on the couch.

Side effects of not eating with meds, man. They’re real.

Sometimes that happens to me. I never considered that it could be from my meds though. That makes sense. Because if I don’t eat or don’t eat enough I get shaky and dizzy, nauseous. And I never used to be like that before meds. Before meds I could accidentally or purposely skip meals and not notice anything.

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Default Mar 07, 2021 at 04:29 PM
  #799
I watched Sunday mass. The homily was very good, inspiring.

My sister is dropping off some Baileys or Carolan’s today and a half gallon of ice cream.

Just been working through that DBT workbook. I think this will help me a lot. And my mood is good for a 2nd day in a row. I talk to my therapist on Wednesday. It will be nice to tell her I’m not having
Possible trigger:
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Default Mar 07, 2021 at 05:32 PM
  #800
I’m getting this next month. It’s a metallic watercolor palette. Will look pretty on a black watercolor paper. Can’t believe I found my passion at 34 But there shouldn’t be any time limit in life

Roll Call 180

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