Roll Call 180

Feeling better. Had a smoothie too. Then ate meaty greasy pizza mmmm.

I have access to my new courses that don’t start until May but I’m excited! I’m going to try to study some calculus.

This is the best kind of pizza, lots of meat and melted cheese. Good luck for your study, Cog I know you’ll ace it, a hard worker you are

Anything spiritual always calms me. Some of my friends thought that I’m religious because of my upbringing. Like bro, I’m religious because of the benefits I found myself.

I feel a bit anxious today so can’t make a full painting. I painted these bubbles instead. Making the same objects over and over is relaxing

I was writing today. Decided I'm finally gonna begin writing my novel. Every day people!

Btw there a free movie/tv app called Tubi. You could probably access straight on the web too. All free movies and tv. If you go there and type in “mental illness” in the search box on the app, there’s tons of movies about mental illness, schizophrenia, depression, bipolar, etc. Movies and documentaries and tv shows.

I accessed the app on my Xbox but it’s on Amazon fire stick, Apple TV, roku, whatever u have and probably on the web too.

You don’t even need to sign up to watch the movies. But u do need to sign up to save movies to a watch list. Otherwise, you’re good!

Happy bingeing, (Healthily)!

"We're all born to broken people on their most honest day of living"

The Dopamine Flux
www.thedopamineflux.com

Youtube channel
https://www.youtube.com/user/MozePrayIII

Oh yeah I’ve seen Tubi on the apps on the big TV. My mom doesn’t like to watch a lot of those kind of shows but maybe I’ll check if there’s something specific to watch and get her to watch it with me.

I checked out the calculus course and it suggests you brush up on high school math and gave a list of titles you can get PDFs of from the university library. Yay for free books! I’m going to request them tomorrow and then when I get them refresh my learning.

Also, I’m going to go through exercises of my C++ programming book and do a bunch of them to study for my exam next month.

But before I do all that it’s Monday which means beginning of the work week. Got a woman’s day discussion meeting in the morning, team meeting in the afternoon, and a phone call with my doctor right at the end of the work day.

Overall I feel so much better than I did last week. I’m not delusional, I’m way more focused (maybe even hyper focused), and I don’t feel out of control or hurting myself. I’m sleeping pretty well, got a bunch of stuff done (including working on my crocheting), and i feel happy. Maybe I’m a little hypomanic, but not manic that’s for sure.

I’m going to thank my doctor and apologize for being so frustrating and desperate last week. I’m really glad he gave me the lithium.

I wonder how long it’ll be now until I see the psychiatrist. I hope the psychiatrist doesn’t want to **** up my meds. I seem to be doing good right now I need to stay focused on things.

I am doing better than I was last week, too. So that's good. I am glad that is the case.

Is it really already almost Monday again? Seems crazy.

Motivation has decreased significantly with weed

Imma stop..

..

=]

Do you guys think I'm on too many meds?

Like I'm on quite a few, is that weird?

Wellbutrin
Zoloft
Trileptal
Trilafon
Thorazine
Topamax

and Klonopin PRN

I've been on this combo for quite some time now, just doses have been adjusted

Six is considered normal if you have bipolar or equivalent.

Okay thanks, I have schizoaffective bipolar type so I guess it's not so weird. I just feel like a freak sometimes for having to take a lot of meds. I feel like so many get by on just one or two meds.

At least the wellbutrin and zoloft have some pleasure/good feelings associated with them, the trileptal to stabilize mood.. Two antipsychotics are kinda ancient but if they work for psychosis, good!

Only u know.. I'm on Invega Trinza, Vyvanse, atenolol, olanzepine and zopiclone.. No good feelings there - Apart from Vyvanse.. My dopamine is dying BB.. dyying..

I’m on 2 meds and a prn. I still struggle sometimes a lot if that makes sense.

"We're all born to broken people on their most honest day of living"

The Dopamine Flux
www.thedopamineflux.com

Youtube channel
https://www.youtube.com/user/MozePrayIII

I'm so confused

Edit: I just.. want to relax and feel better.. And it's the most complicated

I’m on 5 meds, so pretty similar.

I hate benzodiazepenes so much! I wish I had never gone onto Xanax or Klonopin! The brain fog is killing me. I just remember my old pdoc - he'd say "yeah people I have on these drugs report feeling more clear-headed." I just wanted to slap him honestly.

It's hard not to compare myself with others as well. Sometimes I think, well x has a house, has kids, etc. But I don't. However, x does not have a severe mental illness. It's hard to take care of me when I have a mental illness. And that's an accomplishment in itself.