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Default Mar 10, 2021 at 02:40 PM
  #41
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Originally Posted by cogladaid View Post
I know what you mean though I hate having to take meds. Side effects, money, the fact that you’re dependant on something. I had to come to terms with the fact I’ll probably have to be on meds the rest of my life.

It's like: I am already disadvantaged by having a mental illness. Then on top of that I have to take these meds that sometimes work and sometimes don't, pay out the *** for a psychiatrist who doesn't always help me and/or prescribe the right thing, see a therapist who encourages me - I may or may not have a job at any given time, and I basically have to put in double the effort that a "normal" person does in any given moment. I am sick of it.

That's why I posted the above thing about finding meaning in life.

Honestly, the only thing that gives me meaning is studying the Spanish language and writing in it. (Don't tell my family this, wink). Because there are typical reasons that people find meaning in life and sometimes it's like family, kids, etc. My reasons are different. My reasons are intellectually related. Anyway, thanks to everyone who is reading this. I have been having a really hard time lately.

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Default Mar 10, 2021 at 02:41 PM
  #42
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Don't wanna take meds anymore. Someone convince me otherwise. I hate psychiatry as an institution.
The thing with chemicals.. There's no bad drug.. Especially if it's classified as a medicine. If they don't work - You have to find which one it is, stop that one with supervision..

It's a process.. One med for this, something for that.. There will be many new and better meds in the future - Some of which that used to be illegal.. Others will be analogues, derivatives, etc..

It's not the meds that have any effect in their chemical structure. It's all in the brain - The brain/mind is the experience of consciousness. Mental illness is a certain state of consciousness.

There's probably hundreds of different types of depression - Maybe that's why some meds don't work for everyone. Since it's the brain that experiences, there's millions of people that are already on meds/drugs - naturally without even being on meds.

It's like saying "All drugs that get you high are bad for society" just like "All meds are bad for myself - Even if I have mental illness".

There's people that have been on meds and do well without them because they never needed them in the first place but usually that's just a change of perspective - A massive change.. And it only works because of the anger associated with it.. It can jump start immediate coping mechanisms that haven't been triggered before. That's why psychedelics are being trialed for possibly treating mental health disorders - They cause immediate change.
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Default Mar 10, 2021 at 02:42 PM
  #43
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The thing with chemicals.. There's no bad drug.. Especially if it's classified as a medicine. If they don't work - You have to find which one it is, stop that one with supervision..

It's a process.. One med for this, something for that.. There will be many new and better meds in the future - Some of which that used to be illegal.. Others will be analogues, derivatives, etc..

It's not the meds that have any effect in their chemical structure. It's all in the brain - The brain/mind is the experience of consciousness. Mental illness is a certain state of consciousness.

There's probably hundreds of different types of depression - Maybe that's why some meds don't work for everyone. Since it's the brain that experiences, there's millions of people that are already on meds/drugs - naturally without even being on meds.

It's like saying "All drugs that get you high are bad for society" just like "All meds are bad for myself - Even if I have mental illness".

There's people that have been on meds and do well without them because they never needed them in the first place but usually that's just a change of perspective - A massive change.. And it only works because of the anger associated with it.. It can jump start immediate coping mechanisms that haven't been triggered before. That's why psychedelics are being trialed for possibly treating mental health disorders - They cause immediate change.

Thank you sir. I appreciate it.

You are very smart, Des - I hope you know that.

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Default Mar 10, 2021 at 02:48 PM
  #44
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Think how you were at your worst without meds. That should be enough to keep you taking meds.


That’s a good gauging factor.

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Default Mar 10, 2021 at 02:50 PM
  #45
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Erti#11339


Added! Roll Call 181

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Default Mar 10, 2021 at 02:59 PM
  #46
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It's like: I am already disadvantaged by having a mental illness. Then on top of that I have to take these meds that sometimes work and sometimes don't, pay out the *** for a psychiatrist who doesn't always help me and/or prescribe the right thing, see a therapist who encourages me - I may or may not have a job at any given time, and I basically have to put in double the effort that a "normal" person does in any given moment. I am sick of it.

That's why I posted the above thing about finding meaning in life.

Honestly, the only thing that gives me meaning is studying the Spanish language and writing in it. (Don't tell my family this, wink). Because there are typical reasons that people find meaning in life and sometimes it's like family, kids, etc. My reasons are different. My reasons are intellectually related. Anyway, thanks to everyone who is reading this. I have been having a really hard time lately.

I’m in Canada so I pay to see my psychologist but I don’t pay for regular doctor or psychiatrist. I have insurance benefits that pay for pretty much all my medication and most of my psychologist. I’m lucky in that way. Had I had to pay for anything all out of pocket, I probably never would have opened up to my doctor and done anything about my mental health. If I didn’t have insurance I probably never would have gone on medication or seen a psychologist. Healthcare systems are supposed to help but they help mainly the advantaged. It’s unfair.

And brings me meaning aside from my mom, my sister, my dog - is learning. I have to keep myself busy. I love advancing myself and learning and keeping myself busy which is why I decided to go back to school last year. I don’t know who I would be if I couldn’t work and couldn’t learn.
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Default Mar 10, 2021 at 03:06 PM
  #47
It’s really dumb how it works...

Need job to get benefits to pay for medication. But at the same time - needs medication to get job.

CATCH 22.
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Default Mar 10, 2021 at 03:32 PM
  #48
Lotsa small good things happening today Roll Call 181

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Default Mar 10, 2021 at 03:35 PM
  #49
That app Nomo I used to track not drinking says I’ve already saved an estimated $60. Nice.
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Default Mar 10, 2021 at 03:36 PM
  #50
I pay everything out of my pocket, but i still feel lucky that I’m getting treatment. I’ve been stable for a while now

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Default Mar 10, 2021 at 03:39 PM
  #51
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I'm not going to play doctor because that's not allowed on this forum but why does your doctor think that you need clozapine? It seems like your symptoms (psychotic ones) are under control. Clozapine is helpful for those who don't respond to other antipsychotics and/or those who are
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I guess I don't necessarily get the logic behind that. Plus you have to get a bunch of blood draws and that's a pain, etc. I'm not discouraging you from going on it nor am I for going on it either. I just want you to consider the risks and potential benefits because it is a really serious medication.

My doctor said because I have ongoing psychotic symptoms, as I said earlier I don’t talk about them on here. I talk about them with my sister and my therapist, doctor and people in my real life but not on here because I feel like it’s personal and I don’t want people in my real life to find me on here. I’m also suicidal a lot. And I’ve been on almost every AP and things aren’t getting better they’re starting to get worse the past two or three months. I know because I don’t post about being suicidal constantly or about my hallucinations and stuff all the time that may seem like I’m stable but I’ve been struggling a lot and I don’t feel comfortable writing some of the things I deal with on here. Plus I ended up in hospital last month for psychotic symptoms and I keep having experiences (again, don't feel comfortable talking about them specifically here) but that I keep almost ending up in the hospital again

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Default Mar 10, 2021 at 03:49 PM
  #52
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My doctor said because I have ongoing psychotic symptoms, as I said earlier I don’t talk about them on here. I talk about them with my sister and my therapist, doctor and people in my real life but not on here because I feel like it’s personal and I don’t want people in my real life to find me on here. I’m also suicidal a lot. And I’ve been on almost every AP and things aren’t getting better they’re starting to get worse the past two or three months. I know because I don’t post about being suicidal constantly or about my hallucinations and stuff all the time that may seem like I’m stable but I’ve been struggling a lot and I don’t feel comfortable writing some of the things I deal with on here. Plus I ended up in hospital last month for psychotic symptoms and I keep having experiences (again, don't feel comfortable talking about them specifically here) but that I keep almost ending up in the hospital again

No worries, no worries. I hope I didn't cause you to feel uncomfortable.

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Default Mar 10, 2021 at 03:50 PM
  #53
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No worries, no worries. I hope I didn't cause you to feel uncomfortable.
No you didn't, it's okay I'm just kind of a private person with certain things

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Default Mar 10, 2021 at 03:54 PM
  #54
That’s how I am BB. I don’t talk much about my psychosis anymore. I still have it daily on varying levels (just depending on how bad it is or rather how much I can deal with it). But I try to deliberately not focus on my symptoms too much because I have to absolutely NOT stay in my head. Or I will go downhill very badly.

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Default Mar 10, 2021 at 03:58 PM
  #55
Eh I don’t really care anymore if people know about my mood and delusional stuff. I don’t think there’s enough info on here to really identify me. I don’t use my name or any big specific details. Hell, I don’t even mention what kind of music or movies I like.

There are some things and thoughts I don’t mention but most I’m pretty open with. Even telling my family about them.
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Default Mar 10, 2021 at 04:01 PM
  #56
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I just hate how it's like a game with the meds. It feels like a game.
It totally does. I’ve been on meds for like ten years now.....I can’t help but think they’re slowly destroying my brain and completely changed my personality but I also haven’t been totally psychotic in ten years....there have been blips but that’s it. I now accept that I need the meds and that I’ll juts always be different than I was. I’m embracing the new me even if that new me is thirty pounds heavier.

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Default Mar 10, 2021 at 04:06 PM
  #57
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Also I feel like I found the meaning in my life. It's writing in Spanish.
That’s super cool....have you ever considered translating books into Spanish, we have a popular collection of stuff like the hunger games that is translated for the library.

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Default Mar 10, 2021 at 04:09 PM
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It totally does. I’ve been on meds for like ten years now.....I can’t help but think they’re slowly destroying my brain and completely changed my personality but I also haven’t been totally psychotic in ten years....there have been blips but that’s it. I now accept that I need the meds and that I’ll juts always be different than I was. I’m embracing the new me even if that new me is thirty pounds heavier.


Exactly. For me too. It changed my personality and destroyed my brain, I believe. And I’m heavier.

I’m trying to accept my weirdness, and difference in that above stuff. I’ve always been weird tho. Like really weird. Which is why I think I don’t vibe right with many people and they don’t seem to stick around.

I’ve been on meds for at least half my life. 15-17 years. Since I was 13 or about.

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Default Mar 10, 2021 at 04:12 PM
  #59
Good things that are happening today:

I got groceries

I got ANOTHER free, physical book to review.

I got offered to be paid to fix someone’s computer.

Stimmy got approved fully pretty much.

My dad got fiance a bday gift which saves me money on getting the item by myself.

I sent my bro in law and nephew a belated bday present, so that’s done.

Bills got paid last night!

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Default Mar 10, 2021 at 04:16 PM
  #60
People can find me here with my odd thoughts idc

Let them do the greatest witch hunt...

Everything's an information mess anyways
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