Roll Call 181

If you wear a mask you need to wash your face after because it makes it worse.

Disordered eating thoughts popping up again.

I've been using acne cream since I was 18 - Doctor prescribed it (She was very nice. She asked me to tell the psychiatrist that diagnosed me with schizophrenia to put me on disability and use the money for school. She also told him to put me on Vyvanse instead of Concerta because it's better long term for the cardiovascular system).

I think the acne is finally starting to go away idk. I'm almost 25.

But I craved chocolate again last night! Olanzepine will make me 400lbs I swear.. Unless I get prescribed Dexedrines.. It was like I was starving for sugar. So acne might flare up again - Yknow what that means? More cream!

I making a friend in respite. Her name is Kara and she has cerebral palsy. The respite people showed us how to make cookies

Having one of my dissociating panic attacks again. Have to figure out how to snap out of these

A show I was watching yesterday had a character developing an eating disorder and I think it triggered me. I thought I was over that.

Are you still on increased Abilify? Despite its reputation as a weight neutral it’s not for everyone I gained 30 lbs.

Have you tried Lamictal? It's a bipolar/anti-seizure med. It's known for helping with dissociation. Since I've been taking olanzepine, I haven't had dissociation at all this year. The summer was bad.. Really bad - But I think that the olanzepine is healing my brain.

Dissociation is the worst thing that I've ever dealt with. It feels like you're going psychotic but you're not. At least with psychosis, it feels like a dream and you don't really know that you're in it..

Think about coping mechanisms, distractions, meditation, stretching, walking, journaling, food/lots of water/relaxing tea, talking about how you're feeling/texting family members, self care, tasks.. Life....

When I was dissociated, I was non-functional. But here's a secret - The fear about it is all in the mind.. The more power you give to it, the more it tries to eat you.. You could try and think of it as a positive thing/experience and it will be kind to you.. The dissociation monster..

I’m not on abilify at all anymore.

I’m on Lamictal and Olanzapine, work wonder too me. Good morning ☀️ I slept around 11 pm and woke up at 5 am. Feeling so well rested

Any AP will make you crave food like crazy.....so if you’re increasing anything or starting any new then that will have this effect.....

I've never been on Lamictal. Maybe I'll bring it up to my doctor once we're through with all the other changes that she's making. Dissociation is horrible, I hate it. I wasn't having it for awhile but it just started back up again recently.

I have an ice pack right now I'm using to try to shock myself back to the present. (with the coldness from it) and I just made a cup of chamomile tea. Maybe I'll watch an episode of Vampire Diaries on Netflix to distract me.

Thank you, I really appreciate your help!

I’ve gained on every AP except geodon but it also made me manic.

Talking to people irl is crucial I think, will you see your sister anytime soon?

The dark side. I've watched episodes about it as well.. I won't go into detail cuz you know.. But we all love you and don't want this to happen to you or anyone else..

Most times, I think that I'm over addiction.. I mostly am. I mean, who goes into a years long drug mania and then recovers so well? There's so many people that are overdosing more than ever and the same is with eating disorders - Cuz of the pandemic. So many things like this are caused by stress.

90% of my addiction is better. I still dabble in a few soft drugs.. Basically, the baseline for us is like normal life. So don't think of it as going back into the black hole. Why? Because you've been there already. It's not like the first time. And for me, if I got rewarded chemically.. It's much worse for you because it's the opposite - Motivated by feeling bad and culture..

It's all very complicated. If I was educated on English grammar or scientific research, I'd write books, blogs, etc.. It's all trying to understand certain things and we learn from each other - Support is key..

I know that you're over it and it's tempting but the temptation doesn't last. Be resilient during those times =]

Yeah I’m usually not having cravings for things (even on Seroquel) except when I don’t eat all day lol.

Not any time soon, maybe in a few weeks from now. Maybe I'll see my friend and take a walk with him or something this coming week

The amount of cravings for food I get on olanzapine is crazy. I literally eat sugar straight from the jar sometimes.

Nutella lmao I do too! Fckn Nutella is so good tho.

Nutella is so good.

I basically still don't know what to do with my time. Especially on Sundays. I mean I worked some today. I see it as an opportunity now. That I have a lot of time. But I get bored easily.

Like I could waste time on Facebook or whatever, but I don't like doing that too much.

I have been reading philosophy. A productive use of time!

I'm gonna see if my sister wants to go to mass with me sometime, I haven't been in over a year but it would be nice to go again

I think it would be nice to reconnect with my faith. Mass online is one thing, it's great but it's missing something, mass in person is this whole wonderful experience, being in the church, etc.

I think I was at my best mentally speaking when I was in RCIA to become Catholic and going to mass every weekend.

Maybe if I get out on a walk with my friend I can bring my phone and take some good pics of stuff I see