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The Dopamine Flux
newtus
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Member Since: Jun 2010
Location: Ardenweald
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#941
Quote:
So sorry to hear I feel sorrow for you I was just telling Door that the way I was feeling today had me thinking about how I’m supposed to be the adult at 30 (as I had asked my mom to come see about me today cuz I was in so much physical pain and she said “just goto sleep”) but i never ever feel like an adult in my life in general. If I have a kid I have to take care of that kid, which isn’t an issue, it’s just the feeling like ‘I’m the parent now. They come to me for everything like I did my dad and mom’ and I think that’s what scares me. Cuz like who takes care of me when I need help or am sick? No one really anymore when it comes to sickness. I constantly feel like even tho I’m here living alone with a fiancé and my own place, bills, responsibilities, etc, I feel like not an adult. I constantly feel like this is all temporary and I’ll be going back to my dads sooner or later. And other than the concern for my dads health, I think that’s why I fear him passing away. Is because, once he’s gone I truly don’t feel like I’ll have anybody and that scares me to death. That’s all I can think about some days. Just wanted to tell a bit of a story there. But yea. I empathize with you and a sympatize. Here if you need to talk. __________________ "We're all born to broken people on their most honest day of living"
The Dopamine Flux www.thedopamineflux.com Youtube channel https://www.youtube.com/user/MozePrayIII |
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Angelique67, Desoxyn, SlumberKitty, Sometimes psychotic
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Legendary Wise Elder
SlumberKitty
is staying stable.
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#942
HUGS SP. It's tough. It's hard when people we care about are sick and there's a sense of powerlessness (at least in my experience) that comes with that. I'm sorry that you don't have anyone to take care of you right now but remember that we all care about you here and we are all sending our love. HUGS Kit
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Breaking Dawn
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Angelique67, Breaking Dawn, Desoxyn, newtus, Sometimes psychotic
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The Dopamine Flux
newtus
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Member Since: Jun 2010
Location: Ardenweald
Posts: 43,644
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#943
I already deal with sadness, deep sadness, from my family splitting when I was 15. I held a grudge against my mom for over a decade for leaving our family.
I mostly am over it snd would say it totally over it but I think subconsciously I’m not. But I fear my dad passing cuz then that would mean the end of any family I could’ve had from childhood. I still feel like so much a child or like a teenager forever. __________________ "We're all born to broken people on their most honest day of living"
The Dopamine Flux www.thedopamineflux.com Youtube channel https://www.youtube.com/user/MozePrayIII |
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Breaking Dawn, SlumberKitty
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Angelique67, SlumberKitty
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Legendary Wise Elder
SlumberKitty
is staying stable.
Member Since: Jul 2018
Location: CA
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#944
__________________ Dum Spiro Spero IC XC NIKA |
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Breaking Dawn
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newtus
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Legendary Wise Elder
Sometimes psychotic
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Member Since: May 2013
Location: Chicago
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#945
Quote:
Yeah I almost put thank God I didn’t ever have kids....I just don’t think I could handle it. I’ve always heard you do it because you have to but I just feel like sometimes I’m so easily destabilized. I guess it doesn’t help that my sister is posting that she’s only got a few months left on social. She needs the covid vaccine so she can say her goodbyes. It’s one of those things you take for granted that your little sister will be around into old age with you. So sorry if I was short with you last night. Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk __________________ Hugs! |
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Legendary Wise Elder
Blue_Bird
is ready for recovery!
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#946
My new planner came. Last year I had the regular version of this, this year I have the Pro version. Filled out all the dates, I also bought a bunch of planner stickers
__________________ R.I.P mom 8/6/55-1/15/16 “All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi
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12AM, Angelique67, Breaking Dawn, Desoxyn, falcon09, Sometimes psychotic
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The Dopamine Flux
newtus
has no updates.
Member Since: Jun 2010
Location: Ardenweald
Posts: 43,644
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#947
Quote:
That’s so hard dude I’m so sorry. I’m tearing up right now listening to that last sentence. Or reading it mean. I dont like this getting older situation. Like I can’t handle it. So many people seem to be dying left and right as u get older. My neighbor next to my dad has just had death after death every few months. After her children passed away a year apart in mid 2010’s it was just downhill after that. She lost her brother, husband, both children, mother in law and some more people in the past 10 years. She’s like 68. There’s a lot more she lost but I don’t remember everyone unfortunately. And you’re fine. You’re going through a very very hard time. __________________ "We're all born to broken people on their most honest day of living"
The Dopamine Flux www.thedopamineflux.com Youtube channel https://www.youtube.com/user/MozePrayIII |
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Breaking Dawn, SlumberKitty
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Legendary Wise Elder
Sometimes psychotic
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Location: Chicago
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#948
Quote:
Yeah in a way the fact that I need care makes it worse...like I almost feel like a burden in a way. Problem is if I neglect myself depression sets in. I mean it seems selfish that I need to goto parks and such but it’s part of my basic maintenance of mood. There is definitely powerlessness going on....that’s in general a trigger for my anxiety....like I need something to do to alleviate my pain, it might be sending flowers but she doesn’t want anything, if anything she’s trying to downsize her stuff so if I send flowers it’s for me and not her and that negates the whole thing. Also thanks for reminding me, you guys are a great support network. Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk __________________ Hugs! |
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Angelique67, SlumberKitty
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Legendary Wise Elder
Sometimes psychotic
Typo queen !
Member Since: May 2013
Location: Chicago
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#949
__________________ Hugs! |
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Blue_Bird
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The Dopamine Flux
newtus
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#950
And my dad alone, he’s lost friend after friend every few months too. It’s like always someone new dying.
And it’s gotten to the point where I just look on Twitter every morning to see what celebrity died. I do this, every single morning. And my moms like “that’s what old people do” I’m like “ok...” __________________ "We're all born to broken people on their most honest day of living"
The Dopamine Flux www.thedopamineflux.com Youtube channel https://www.youtube.com/user/MozePrayIII |
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Elder
cogladaid
is feeling more stable
Member Since: Jul 2015
Location: Nowhere
Posts: 5,559
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#951
I’ve lost a parent so I know how hard it is to lose someone you love.
I always worry about my mom. But believe it or not I’m the levelheaded mature one to take care of things if something does happen. It’s a hard responsibility. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk |
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12AM, Breaking Dawn, Job 30 26, SlumberKitty
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12AM, Angelique67, Breaking Dawn, Desoxyn, newtus, Sometimes psychotic
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Legendary Wise Elder
Sometimes psychotic
Typo queen !
Member Since: May 2013
Location: Chicago
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#952
Quote:
This whole year has been death and disease for everyone. It’s so hard to do positive things because half of everything is closed or timed entry. Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk __________________ Hugs! |
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Student of Life
WastingAsparagus
is trying to enjoy life.
Member Since: Mar 2014
Location: South America
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#953
Quote:
I'm sorry you're feeling that way. I sometimes feel similarly about walking outside. It's like a good idea, but it seems to pass me by when I'm in depression. Anything's really a good idea when I'm in a depressed state (I'm talking about so-called "positive" coping strategies). But honestly sometimes it's too hard to go through with them. I personally feel like (and I'm sure everyone agrees with the fact that) you're a real part of the community here so don't forget that. You give good advice and support and all of that so don't forget that you have that capacity to help people. Maybe try to give that same support to yourself? I don't know. It's tough. I bought a book on self-compassion one time. That seems to help me. __________________ "Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it!” |
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12AM, Angelique67, Breaking Dawn, Desoxyn, SlumberKitty, Sometimes psychotic
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Legendary
Breaking Dawn
Thankful for my blessings.
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#954
Quote:
__________________ "Every moment is a fresh beginning." (T. S. Eliot) "Problems are not stop signs, they are guidelines."(Robert H. Schiuller) * * * * * * |
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SlumberKitty
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12AM, SlumberKitty, Sometimes psychotic
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Legendary Wise Elder
Sometimes psychotic
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Location: Chicago
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#955
Quote:
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Breaking Dawn, junkDNA, SlumberKitty
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12AM, Angelique67, Breaking Dawn, SlumberKitty, WastingAsparagus
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The Dopamine Flux
newtus
has no updates.
Member Since: Jun 2010
Location: Ardenweald
Posts: 43,644
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867 hugs
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#956
I have a fever
__________________ "We're all born to broken people on their most honest day of living"
The Dopamine Flux www.thedopamineflux.com Youtube channel https://www.youtube.com/user/MozePrayIII |
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Breaking Dawn, SlumberKitty, Sometimes psychotic
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12AM, SlumberKitty
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Legendary Wise Elder
Sometimes psychotic
Typo queen !
Member Since: May 2013
Location: Chicago
Posts: 26,409
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22.8k hugs
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#957
Quote:
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Breaking Dawn, SlumberKitty
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Breaking Dawn, SlumberKitty
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Legendary Wise Elder
Angelique67
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#958
I love my nicotine, and I won't quit it unless I'm forced to, but I need it more than you do lol. After all the lockdowns and quarantines and even before, I don't really get how nic is addicting, it doesn't bother me physically to stop. I do miss vaping though when I can't do it. Love vaping. But congrats though, it's always an achievement when you break a habit.
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Metaphysic
Desoxyn
We are one mind
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#959
I didn't want to get out of bed this morning. The stim gets me out of bed - Very sad lol..
But I did the chores and invested more into a coin... Listened to music.. I feel like I need a break. I might be driving to a nice place for a few days with my mom on Monday.. We'll do a few hikes. Gonna go buy some regular gum + pick up Vyvanse prescription..... |
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12AM, Angelique67, Breaking Dawn, cogladaid, SlumberKitty
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Legendary Wise Elder
SlumberKitty
is staying stable.
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#960
I'm going to have a case manager called Kayla. But my old case manager called me today Bridgette and talked to me and she said she was sorry but she has a really full caseload but she thinks I will be a good fit with Kayla and set me up an appointment for next Friday at 1 for an intake. I told Bridgette how long it had been since I had SHed and she was like so proud of me because that is what we worked on last year. She was like what's going on this year then? And I told her voices. And she said Kayla would be a good fit because she is a therapist whereas Bridgette is an RN. I really liked Bridgette though. Hopefully Kayla will be okay.
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